To invite or not to invite?? Mini vent/need advice

I get a message on Facebook from her this morning, asking "When is your wedding day????" I've felt guilty for not inviting her, but justified in it as well up to this point. She's only met FH once, and has made zero effort over the past year to maintain our friendship, let alone get to know FH. After getting the message, I felt a serious twinge of guilt. Ugh!!!

I'm sure my problem isn't unique - what would you do???

Don't assume that she is demanding an invite. Perhaps she just wants to send a gift! You don't need to feel obligated to invite her off one little message.

Put her at the bottom of the B list. The fact that she hasn't followed through on past plans is a pretty big red flag--she definitely doesn't need to be bumped to the top of the list, but if you ended up with a seat, it might be an opportunity to reconnect. But this is not the time for you to keep putting in massive effort when you've never gotten a return on it before.

A Facebook message does not qualify as just reason for me to invite someone to my wedding. If she really cared, I'd think she would call or want to come and see me, so I would feel no obligation to invite at this point. But...I'm a total softy and would might cave in the end and invite her if I had others cancel

Just send back a message about when the wedding is and see what she has to say after that. You don't know what's going on till you to "talk".

Thanks ladies, for reminding me of these things. I know a message doesn't fix anything, and it's just so hard to NOT feel like she's fishing to see if she's invited (I know that's influenced by my own guilt!). I'll send her a quick message back, and see where things go.

I had to say "sorry but probably not" to a lot of people. I just politely explained that our venue is small and only holds X# of people so family comes first. Our peeps were very understanding.

Ive gotten a few people ask that, and in my case, they were assuming they were invited. just reply to her and see whats going on. in my mind, if you tell someone nicely that they are not invited, and they respond rudely or theyre mad, then its not someone whos worth coming to your wedding anyway. and do not feel bad. my ex-best friend (who is an ex-bf because she we had a huge falling out when she got jealous of me getting engaged) has started trying to talk to me again recently. out of nowhere she showed up at my job, and then facebooked me asking if we could hang out soon. i know that shes starting to get close again so she can get an invite... but shes not getting one, and i feel no guilt for that. your old friend may just be trying to be nice, and make conversation, or she could be trying to pull something like mine. but if you dont even talk to her anymore, and shes the main reason that your not friends anymore, no reason to feel guilty.

I'd put her on the B-list but you also have to remember that words written online could have a totally different meaning. I'm having a somewhat similar problem; I used to work with a girl ~2.5years ago & then she left during the summer to start her master's work. The girl & I were extremely close just like you & this girlfriend thus asked her to be MOH. But after my friend left the same thing happened, the relationship faded. We hadn't spoken in ~6months. We had to put the plans on hold so I notified her, also we had changed the type of wedding (150 down to 60 just like you) & there prob wasn't going to be a WP. *Side note: when my baby sister heard there wasn't going to be a WP she got extremely upset, our mother asked me to reconsider thus FH & I agreed to have one. I had reconnected with a REALLY close friend, we've know each other since I was 12, & she helped me with a ton of planning without me asking her, while planning her own wedding*........

I'm a really bad person because I have yet to tell my former friend of the new plans. I'd like to invite her but our relationship has collapsed so much I feel like there's no point.

Anyway, my point is...put her lower on the B-list, maybe even on the C-list. Hope all goes well.

I'm not making excuses and certainly don't know what's really going on here but I'm just throwing this out b/c I myself am HORRIBLE about staying in touch with people. I mean just downright awful. I tend to keep my immediate circle really small and the people I interact with the most are the ones I see on a regular basis. Doesn't mean I don't love my friends I'm just not the reach out and touch type of person but all my friends know they can call me in a heartbeat if they need something. I really don't see how people have a WHOLE lot of friends b/c it's really exhausting lol. I'm doing good to talk to my honey and my best gal pal once a day. And my girfriend and I don't always talk daily. Just food for thought...

I honestly would just reply back lettingr her know the date and leave it at that. You don't owe her anything...not even a place on your B list. If she hasn't made any effort until now, you shouldn't feel obligated to do it for her. I agree with LoveDevine.

I would have to say that since you are only having a small wedding and this woman does not keep in touch very often dont invite her. Just fill her in when the wedding is and casually mention it will be a small event perhaps you can say "We are having an intimate wedding on this date" this will answer her question and imply that she is not invited. no need to feel guilty it is your day and if she was interested she would have keot in touch after the announcemtn of the engagment.

StarlynWeddings

Professional Bridal Consultant

I am exactly the same way as ladylee. Some people just have a harder time of keeping in touch than others. I myself am a mess, but my friends understand that and know that I love them. I AM there though when they need me the most and try not to miss any important events in their lives. So maybe she is looking for an invite because she wants to be a part of something so special to you. It may also just be an innocent question, or something just to get ya'll talking again. You should not invite her just out of guilt. If you miss what you had with her and want to try to get that back, an invite might be a good place to start.

Raven that's an awesome quote - and I 110% agree with it. I definitely try to live by those words, and am always holding out the olive branch, even to people who haven't always been awesome in the past. And Ladylee, I totally hear you too. We all get busy, and it's certainly difficult to keep up with people.

I replied to her this afternoon, and I'll just see where things go. It's so hard for me sometimes to draw lines in the sand and not feel guilty about things - especially when it comes to friendships. I've always been the type of person to have a small group of close friends.