Taking husbands last name

Not sure if you guys are planning on having children or not, but that's why I changed my last name. I wanted to share a last name with my husband and future child/children.

This is personal. What do you want to do?

I’m not taking FH’s last name, the women in my family don’t. My son and FH have the same last name.

What do you want to do? I'm not taking his name, and if we have kids they will have my last name with his a middle name. But again it's a deeply personal thing

The reason I took my H's last name is because I had always planned on taking it ever since I was young. I hated being seen as a "person of color" just because of my last name, before anyone had even met me, they knew what race I was because my last name and would make assumptions (Not EVERYONE, but you know what I mean). I have legit been refused a job app (back when I used to walk in to places to apply for summer jobs in college) because of who I was. I proved this by having my bf at the time go in after me and he walked out with an app in hand. I started applying online after that, and "declining to answer" the race questions, but it was pointless because of my last name. I don't want future employers to see my name on my resume and assume my race. My H's last name happens to be of, not just German & English, but also of Chinese and Punjabi descent. I love it.

Plus, even though I like being different and nontraditional about some things, in other ways, I am super traditional It was pretty much expected in my family and his family that I'd be taking his name! And I'm gladly doing so.

This is probably more than you needed to know!

I'd go with your gut. I wanted to keep mine, but legally have the same last name as DH and our future family. I didn't want to hyphenate.

My name is now First Middle Maiden Last. I have two middle names, Middle Maiden.

QSS, I knowwww that struggle.

In school, if my name was printed on the role call with just my first initial and last name (ex: M. "insert hispanic/latin last name here") the teachers would try to assume my first name...Maria, Manuel, etc, none of which are my name, btw. One time I raised my hand and said, "here." The teacher saw the color of my skin and said, "oh, you don't look like a Maria."

WTF. All the fucking side eye.

I was originally on the fence about changing it at all, FH said he didn't care, and now all of a sudden he seems butthurt that I might not take his last name. I took my ex's last name, so don't have a very good reason to not change it again except for what a GIANT PITA all that paperwork is (especially the changing it from married back to maiden). I'm debating putting my maiden as a second middle name. I don't want to hyphenate because FH's last name is super long and my maiden name is kinda long. Any kids would just be FH's last name.

My mom never changed her last name (parents have been married for 33 years), and it was super confusing growing up. Everyone always assumed my parents were divorced since my brothers & I all share our dad's last name and it just wasn't common back then where I grew up. It's really difficult explaining to another 7 year old, "No, my mom was just a card carrying feminist back in the early 80s and refused to change it in some weird 'stick it to the man' type way."

I'm planning to hyphenate. I published under my maiden name and do not want to loose that continuity.

It is definitely a personal choice and I am taking my FH last name because I want to. Some people have an attachment to their last name and its hard to get rid of it, I have no attachment lol I'm excited to switch over and share my FH name. You could always do a dash.

Both FH and I decided to hyphenate because 1) we both wanted to keep our names, 2) we both wanted to have the same last name, and 3) i have no siblings to pass on my family's name.

I will be changing my last name because I want to share the same last name as my future children.

I don't see why it's always the woman expected to change her name in a heterosexual marriage. My fiance is considering taking mine because we like it better.

@QSS this is actually what made me sad about changing my last name. My maiden name is a dead giveaway for my ethnicity, whereas DH’s last name is a more generic “American” name and I felt a slight identity loss. OP, I’m more team “you’re building a new family together” and think the fact that your FH doesnt share a last name with his family is irrelevant. Especially if you’re planning on having kids, I never think it’s fair when the wife doesn’t change her name and it seems to be automatic that any children will take the father’s name.

I grew up having a different last name from my parents. It was a non-issue. Seriously, no big deal. We were just as much of a family as anyone else.

That's why I don't understand people who change their name for future potential children. A name has nothing to do with how cohesive your family is.

I kept my name because I don't happen to like my husband's name much (it's a weird spelling and it can be mis-pronounced as a vulgar term!). Also, changing your name is a big hassle.

He thought about changing his name to mine, for the reasons I mentioned above, but ultimately kept it, mostly for professional reasons.

I was hoping this thread would help for me too. We've been going back and forth on it. I'm the end of the line for my last name. But he's the only male in his family, but his last name is not the same as his father (who is now deceased and family is estranged). I don't really like how his name sounds with mine. He said he would change his to mine. But I feel kinda guilty, but I know it's just tradition and doesn't really matter.

I'm taking his name. One I like it and two I like the idea of being a unit with the same last name. Call me traditional.

Not changing my last name. I have never had the desire to take someone else's name. We haven't yet discussed what we will do when we have children, but why is it always assumed that they will have their father's last name?!

You don't have to take his name, he could take yours, you could create one together....yes it may take a lawyer to draw up the legal paperwork but you both could decide a last name that you wish to give your family. If you decide or want to have kids this name would or could be unique to just you.

I'm on the other side of the minority last name (latina). I feel like that is part of my identity, I love being identified as a minority and it has come w it's challenges, but I wouldn't change it for the world. I may hyphenate, but still thinking about it.

I just want to say thank you to those that shared their idea of changing their middle name to their maiden last name!

I've been kind of sad losing my last name as my dad too was the only boy who carried that name and I am his only full daughter. I can't stand my middle name, so I will be changing it to my maiden name and taking FH last name. So awesome! It is important to me I take FH last name. Thank you guys!