I'm consdiering being SUPER rude... Opinions (I can handle it)

I personally think thats pretty reasonable, especially since you are paying for their lunches..Since you aren't having an all out reception it may be shorter than the norm and I think its understandable to not want the photog to miss like half of the party! Since its so intimate of a setting, I think that it would be awkward to have the strangers, I'm sure they are used to that sort of thing..but also just bring it up gently to them and hopefully they will understand. good luck! :-)

I don't think it's rude at all. In fact, it's awfully generous of you to feed your vendors in the first place. The good thing is that professionals know they're not truly part of the event and will act as such.

I don't think this is rude at all. It is standard for vendors to eat separately or before - if it's during, then I agree you cover their meal. I bet if you talk to them about it, you'll find that they already have a standard practice. Also, I don't think that the offiicant typically needs to stay for the reception after the ceremony.

I believe it's typical to feed your vendors, and in my opinion not over and above. Just seems like common courtesy to me. I don't see what's the big deal about having them eat before your event - I mean, do you really want pictures of you and your guests shoveling food into their mouths? I don't think you'll miss anything if the vendors eat at the same time as you and your guests. As far as having separate tables / rooms for them I personally think it's a little rude. I mean, you have trusted these people to be part of your day by officiating the ceremony and capturing your most precious moments in photographs. You can't share a meal with them? JMHO.

Marianne- I agree. But our entire guest list for the ceremony itself is only 46 people, plus us. They are all immediate family, or friends closer than blood.

My vendors- the officiant and photographer are complete strangers. A part of my thinks I'm saving and my guests from the awkward small talk and trying to make them comfortable. I'm happy to feed them, but I rather give my officiant a nice romantic private meal wiht their spouse than force them to have lunch with a bunch of strangers to them too.

I think for the officiant it depends. If it is "your" church pastor you should invite them. If it is an officiant you met once before the ceremony I think you don't need to include them. They may have another event to do afterwards anyway. Are you having the photog for more than 4 hours total? If not I don't think they will be expecting a meal anyway. If you are having them for more than 4 hours I would ask what they want to do about eating and go from there.

I don't think it's rude at all. I was going to have a nice table decorated for them (their own table with nothing but the vendors) but the venue manager told me that the vendors normally eat totally away from the guests and as they are able to. As far as the photographer, I don't think that is rude of you to ask for he/she to eat ahead of time. Our photographer ate during the reception but we had already taken the bulk of our pics before the ceremony and reception and we also had a second photographer, so as one ate the other was still taking pics.

We live in Houston. We're having the ceremony in Tulsa. I won't even meet the officiant until the day of, most likely. If it was the pastor of our own church, it would be different. When I say this is a complete stranger- I mean it!

The photographer is the same thing. I'm only going to have them for about 3 hours- and a lot of that, we'll be eating. But I want them there for the ceremony portion and the speeches/cake cutting stuff after. Plus, I want them to take family pictures after everything- which is why I'm tempted to ask them to come early and eat before the event- so we're not shoveling food in our faces while they have to watch.

May I also mention this is one of the nicest steakhouses in the country. We're talking about a $30-40 lunch, not a sandwich in some plastic wrap...

With those details I think your original plan in your first post is fine. Not rude in my book.

I think that a separate table for your vendors is perfectly fine. As for the photographer, many will eat when the Bride and Groom do. This way, they are ready for the rest of the event and not catching you with your mouth full ;-)

If the photographer is the only vendor who will be there, I would not do a separate table. I would include him and his spouse with your guests. They are pros and are used to chatting with "strangers".

The officiant need not be invited to the lunch, as you do not know him/her.

Its not rude at all. I have assisted wedding planners in the past with day of events and the vendors always ate after dinner was served to the guests and in a different room. Also the officiant wasn't even feed. Usually they Leave right after the ceremony. The officiant usually stays for dinner for the rehearsal. So no I don't think it's rude at all. And the photographer should be available during to take pics of the event becUse tgT is what he is being paid for

I was going to say what Brian said. Can you just create a table for your photographer? Because photos of you and your guests eating will not be flattering or something you want for your album. Trust me, I have a dozen disposable cameras that my guests used during that time. Luckily most of the guests thought the cameras were favors and took them home!

For officiant, you should check with them regarding day of schedule. Since when I talked with mine about schedule, arrival, departure, the officiant made it quite clear that she would arrive about 20 min prior to the scheduled time so that we could sign the wedding license and go over any last minute details, and then after the ceremony she would be departing (i just asked about her schedule and she provided all of that info--avoided an awkward moments). I was like, perfect!

I think the separate table is fine but I would just have the photographer eat while you are eating. Its not like you are wanting pictures of that are you?

Not rude at all! I also agree with Brian.

Not rude. In fact, a lot of weddings I have been to, the bride and groom always put the vendors on a separate table than anyone else. And as far as the photographer, never saw him sit and eat. He was always on his feet shooting photos of whoever that was on their feet or mingling around.

Will you want your officiant to give a blessing before the meal?

I have sat with guests and I have sat with the other vendors. Either is fine with me -- I can chat with anyone! Most of the time, I'm not invited to the reception and that's fine because I frequently have another wedding or want to go home to DH.

Well, I woudl do a seperate table, but we're not having tables... It's one big table in a private room. I'm thinking of having them at a table in the actual othr portion of the restaurant.

If the officiant decides not to eat, that is fine. But I'd like to offer them a nice meal. The sad part is the meal is actually going to cost me more than the officiant's cost for services... If she decides to leave, fine- it's a mute issue. But I just don't want the assumption of being fed or included in the special family time.

My concern with the photgrapher is that not that they will take pics of peopel stuffing their faces, but that our time eating is so short- and I don't want them to risk missing anything, since we'll be doing stuff while we eat.

We'll have the ceremony, then order- then snap a few pics while we wait for food. Then eat, and probably during the meal- we'll do speeches and such. At the end, we'll cut the cake and serve it, then do more pics outside after.(I think)

If you plan on having people doing toasts and such while you are waiting to eat and eating, then having the photog eat before the lunch would be a great idea. You could explain this to him/her and this would be the reason for their earlier lunch.

My officiant told us she always leaves after the ceremony to keep costs down for the couple as well as keeping the reception intimate. Honestly, its got to be just as awkward for them to eat a dinner at a reception they don't know anyone at. I was grateful that she told us this when we extended the invitation to her. We were trying to figure out how to keep her entertained.