How do I handle reluctant wedding attendants?

It seems to me that three months is ample time to decide. However, this is very delicate situation. If they are close friends you can always have a heart to heart with them explaining that you understand if they cannot commit, but hope THEY understand that you have to get your bridal party confirmed/finalized. IMHO

Call and say, in the friendliest way, "We haven't gotten a firm answer, and we were just wondering if you were in or out." No anger, no judging, just 'we need to know'. As for the financial-strain person, you can't make them sign an iron-clad contract, so all you can say is, "I know this may strain your budget-- I hope you won't hesitate to tell us if you feel you can't afford to be in our wedding' in the hopes they'll tell you as soon as possible if that's the case.

Three months is a LONG time to make a decision. Personally, I've never taken more than a day or two to get back to the bride, even when money was super tight!

I had a close friend who isn't in the greatest place financially to do the traditional BM role, but she still wanted to be involved as a member of our bridal party. Having been in that position myself, it is a terrible place to be. If you are able to help with the cost of the attire, it may be money well spent. It takes a lot of pressure off your friend & allows her to just enjoy being there for you. Also let them know there's no pressure to spend a ton on a gift, bridal shower, bachelor party, etc. (Costs associated with being a BM add up fast!)

If money is not the real issue, I'd talk to them and perhaps offer them an "out" by letting them know it's no big deal if they need to back out and that you have another option in mind. Do it sweetly & lovingly and try to figure out what the real reason is for the delayed response.

I echo the sentiment of the previous posts, 3 months is a long time for an affirmative. However dealing with someone in financial hardship is a very delicate situation and should be handle with care and tact. When speaking with your friend be sure they understand you are simply trying to solidify plans and need to know the status of their participation. I've had brides in this situation and they asked me to contact the indecisive party on their behalf. Whether you speak with the person directly or use a “mediator”, just ensure they know there's no hard feelings and you understand why they are unable to be a part. Another option is to assist (if possible) with some of the wedding attire costs. If this is someone you really want to be a part of your special day, you could always ask that they participate in a non-wedding-party role like a hostess, usher, etc.

Best Wishes,

Tricia Holter

T.H.E. Events Planning

678.909.0663

*******@***********.***

www.eventsbythe.com

That's a LONG time to decide. My WP is full of recent college grads just starting out, so I knew that money could be an issue. I wanted traditional BM dresses so I told them where I would try to keep the price of my dress around. When we picked out a dress, I gave them 3 1/2 months before asking them to order it. When we tried it on and picked it I told them "I'd like it ordered by the first weekend in October." I reminded them a couple weeks before the deadline and all the girls were luckily able to do it. I'm not asking for much else from them as far as money goes, but I had made the decision that if the girls couldn't get the money together to pay for the dress after 3 1/2 months (it wasn't that expensive as far as BM dresses go) then I would talk to them about costs and tell them I wanted them to be involved as possible but if they couldn't afford it my feelings wouldn't be hurt and I'd be honored to have them there as a VIP guest.

Also, I'd tell them you need a firm answer ASAP. One of my BM's is doing my invitations and she can sometimes be a little lazy when it comes to deadlines for people she knows. I told her I needed her to treat me like a client, and that if she couldn't do it that would be okay, but if she was taking it on I wanted her to treat it like she would a freelance job for someone she didn't know and I gave her firm dates I needed proofs/final invitations by.

Let them know that you don't mind if they can't and that you understand if they are not able to be in the wedding. They can play other parts and still celebrate with you. I think many people feel obligated to say yes when asked and are reluctant to disappoint. So just remind them that you're starting to make so solid decisions on the wedding and the BP and would like to know if they are still interested and able to financially handle being in the WP. Let them know that while you would love to have them as attendants, you will be just as happy if they just celebrate with you. That's unless you don't mind paying for those who can't afford to.

Thank you all! I feel more comfortable about discussing this topic with my two reluctant attendants.

I would look for someone else my wedding is this saturday and 3 people backed out on me a few weeks ago because they didnt have money for everything

Wow! That's terrible! I'm sorry that happened to you. I've been very up front with the 2 girls about the costs and what they would be paying for and when. I also told both guys they would have to rent a tux and I will try my best to get them for a reasonable price. I will be looking for a replacement for the male attendant even though the person is my fh's best friend. I can see that he is not interested in being in the wedding. It will be very difficult to replace the female attendant because she is my only sister. I will help with the cost if she doesn't have enough money.