FAQ: New here? Disagreeing a lot? Read this.

Arguments that don't cut it and get major side-eye from both WW and your guests, who won't say this to your face, but will think about it:

- "It's your day, do what you want!" - yes, and no. Choose your personal details (dress, accessories, colors) how you see fit. Where you can't be cheap is when it comes to hosting your guests properly.

- "If someone comes to your wedding to judge you, then honestly you don't need them there". That's a pretty craptastic excuse for disregarding your guests' discomfort entirely. You’re not convincing anyone other than yourself. Your guests will spend a decent amount of money to be at your wedding, the very least you can do is provide them with good, CATERED food, a variety of both alcoholic and non-alcoholic options, and menu options for people with allergies and dietary preferences. This is not optional.

- “My friends and family are all begging to help me, what’s your problem?”. Well, someone could be willing to help out and not fully realize the massive undertaking that wedding preparation is. Making a cute centerpiece to try out your hand at DIY is very different to making ALL the centerpieces. Your family and friends have lives of their own and it really is very unfair on them for you to cash out on emotional involvement to have all the frill with none of the expenses.

- “I want a big wedding but my budget is not that big, why are you judging my budget?”. We are not judging your budget. We are judging your sense of entitlement in wanting more than you can afford. There are many, many brides in here with very low budgets, who instead prioritized and cut back in all the glam and frills, or cut their guest list back to do things properly. We will NEVER judge your budget, but we will tell you if what you’re planning on doing is poor etiquette.

- “You are all so rude!”. No, we’re not. We’re blunt, direct and to the point, because this is the point of Weddingwire. We’re here to tell you when something you’re considering is wrong, in much the same way as we would tell you if you had toilet paper stuck to your shoe, to give a real life example. Many brides here came to WW posting about major etiquette faux pas, then realized that they were not hosting their guests properly and changed their plans. These same brides are here advocating against the things they once supported because they didn’t know any better, and are thankful someone showed them the way to do things.

- “But I don’t need anything else in my home, why not get guests to donate to my honeyfund?”. Because honeyfunds are services, and services cut out a fee out of every guest’s gift. The money your guests will contribute will not fully go into your holiday. Besides – a holiday is a luxury, not a given. If you prefer cash because your house is fully equipped, just create a small registry and be discreet and elegant about the whole thing. You’ll get cash anyway, which you can use as you see fit. See how this doesn’t dictate to your guests what they should be doing with your gift and is much more polite?

- “You don’t know me lol”. No, we don’t. But we do know that every single snowflake in this forum thinks the rules don’t apply to them. You can have all the reasoning in the world, but you have to understand that in a planet of so many billion, you’re not a unique case. And believe it or not, we have tackled those same problems you seem to be stumbling over. So no, your circumstances in and of themselves are not an excuse for poor etiquette.

- “Why should I serve alcohol? We’re against it.” Your personal beliefs and preferences really are inconsequential to the experience you will be offering your guests. Let adults be adults, and this involves a proper bar.

- “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”. You can’t dictate how people respond on a question you posted publicly. If we see you about to make a very big mistake, we will try to save you from yourself, even if we have much better things we’d rather be doing.

- “Why shouldn’t I self cater? It’s cheaper and I know what I’m doing. Besides, I’ve got people to help me”. Respect your friends, family and yourself enough not to subject them to sweating over pans on your wedding day. Your wedding should be a catered event so you can enjoy your day and your guests can enjoy being honored guests. Besides, self catering often is not cheaper, but it makes you liable to people falling sick after your big event. Even caterers don’t self cater, this should tell you something.

- “My bridesmaid is not helping me out, at all. I’m getting angry with her.” Your bridesmaids are not a bride’s maids. They’re not your servants, they are your friends, and they have personal lives to attend to and jobs to work and families to raise. Nobody is as excited about your wedding as you are. Do not expect things of them other than getting the dress you chose, and being there on time for your big day. You have Weddingwire for all the rest. We are here to help, encourage, console, advise.

Enjoy your time here. This is a wonderfully supportive community, rallying behind its members with the ferocity of a hundred lions. Have an open mind. Listen to us. Be humble and pay attention. Lurk!!! Lurk before you post. Most of your questions will be answered a million times by your first week. Embrace the spirit of the community that is WW, and you will be embraced back.

*clapping hands emoji*

Spirit- Thank you!

I'm pretty sure I left some things behind (friendors etc) so feel free to add!

Well said!!!

Change your avatar: You might see nothing wrong with a generic set of double rings, but these are associated with trolls and spam, and people that never bothered to make the tiniest bit of effort to blend in the community. You'll get better responses, we'll know you're a real person, and you can choose something that represents you without necessarily showing your face, if that makes you uncomfortable.

Friendors: Although we all understand how tempting it is to get friends involved in order to save some money, there are tons of stories in here on why this is a very bad idea. A good professional vendor has worked on many, many weddings and knows how to deal with any given situation. Your aunt Martha hasn't, and if aunt Martha screws up, you can't really yell at her for ruining part of your day, can you? Nor can you demand reimbursement. Steer clear of this for your own sanity, wedding planning is already stressful enough. Get people who know what they're doing.

- "But this is how it's always been done where I'm from, you don't understand". Tradition for the sake of tradition is not a very good reason to keep doing something. Be the change you want to see in the world, and all that. Wouldn't you want your wedding to be the first chance for your guests to leave your dinner and go "Wow, this was nicer than all the other weddings we've been to"?

*slow clap* Bravo!

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Can we bump this every day?

This needs to be a sticky!

Nice work Spirit!!!

Bravo..What JillR said.

Totally off topic. but I thought a slow clap was like giving someone the finger.

"Wow, this was nicer than all the other weddings we've been to." Spirit, in those twelve words, I think you just summed up the best reason to properly host and treat your friends and family as the honored guests they're supposed to be.

Beautifully written and laid out -- this should be required reading for new members.

Onawho- please watch the movie Rudy. Thank you.

@Spirit

This should be required reading and/or sent to all new members.

Sometimes the wedding is truly a sum of the parts; something as little meeting people with glasses of champagne after the ceremony so they don't have to stand in line goes a long way to "Wow that was nicer"..... Something as little as NOT being outside in the heat or cold, having clear tables assigned, and clearly, not having a cash bar in any form.

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Love this thread

@Celia - how could I forget the weather! "A bit of rain never hurt anyone" - yeah, no, these Jimmy Choos didn't walk all their way to your wedding just to get soaked in mud.

"Why are you all so quick to judge?". Because, you've stumbled onto this forum and read one thread and were taken aback. In reality, you're seeing the tip of a very large iceberg, mostly consisting of members trying to debunk very bad etiquette stemming from Pinterest, well meaning relatives, previous experiences at tacky weddings, and a poster's very own sense of entitlement. Not our first rodeo, which does get very old, very fast.