Disappointed mom of groom

My mom is paying for my entire wedding, we started out with 150 but yesterday she said the absolute most is 175. Since it is her money she has to continually remind me that it's my wedding because I'm always making sure she's ok with the things I choose. For my 75ppl I made sure to put down everyone who she felt was important to invite friends and family with my must have people I went over by 20 but my wonderful man let me take 20 from his side he said as long as his mom sister and his ppl that mean the most to him are there he's fine. 30 Out of 300 is unreasonable you should speak with your son and tell him how you feel

I don't feel like it's holding $$ over their heads you could simply say' son,some The 10k I spent I want to use to pay for my 50 guests" that should get any intelligent person to get right or get left ......

furthermore I thought the brides family is supposed to pay, not the groom.

You have to remember that its your sons wedding, not yours. if he doesn't believe that they need to be invited, then they don't!

I'm curious as well, how does your son (and even your future daughter-in-law) feel about the guest list?

My son is tired of dealing with his FMIL. He would have liked to have had HIS family there, and HIS family friends. This will just be a case of the groom and his family "wear beige and shut up", as the old saying goes.

I was thinking it would be so weird if this was the FMIL we've heard about from one of our other posters. I really hope that isn't the case (I think the wedding dates are off anyway)

Mother, good luck. Try to be patient. Talk with your FDIL

I'm a little worried to be honest. I wouldn't take it as an omen exactly, but I'm a little concerned that there is no compromises being made. As you know, compromise, trust, respect... They're all things required in a marriage, and while wedding planning isn't exactly the same, I always saw it as a good place to start.

Again, I have no advice, but just sharing with you my concern. At some point your son will have to stand his ground. I hope he and his future wife will work together on this. Family is always a difficult dilemma.

2 sides to every story, 2 edges to every sword. It was very kind of you to pay for your daughter's wedding AND treat your SIL's family with enough respect to divide the guest list 50/50... however not everyone is going to take the same approach. There are MANY people who will take the angle of "if I'm paying for it, then I get to decide who will be there"... if your son's FMIL is paying for the wedding, there may be some guest list compromises she is just not willing to make. It may not make her the nicest person, but it is her money.

While it may be disappointing, try not to be upset about it. It is what it is. Its just one day. and like almost every wedding to ever happen, you can't please everyone.

P.S. My FW and I will be paying for our wedding ourselves and we plan to make 100% of the guest list decisions. We obviously plan to invite family but we will not be giving our parents the option to provide a list of extended family (i.e. 2nd cousins etc.) or friends that they want to invite. We will be inviting people based on who WE want to be there. Sorry but sometimes that's just the way its gotta be.

Tell your son to grow a pair and talk to his future wife about these things. If he is feeling resentment for not being treated fairly, he needs to be upfront about it to her and her family.

I'm just a little curious...

Is it 30 people total from ya'lls side all together? Or is it you only had 30 people that you were given to invite? Just curious cause there is a difference.

My mother was given about 10 people she could invite outside of what we had already had on our list. We already had all the local houston area family (40) and some out of town guests on the list (about 15). So her 10 invites went to people she said she "had to invite even though they wouldn't come, but would die if they weren't invited", which meant her cousins, and aunts and uncles which I have never met.

She would have been given a longer list of people she could have invited, if I hadn't already added most of the people she would have invited anyways.

So I was lurking and reading and all I kept thinking is dang this reminds me of JaKlyn's situation ... Holy hell I wonder if this is her jaded FMIL! I'm sure I am wrong, but for some reason all the drama her FMIL caused over cutting people from her guest list just kept sticking out in my mind.

Am I completely nuts or does anyone else feel me on this??

I'm also wondering what Elle asked. There's a big difference between allocating 30 seats to the groom's parents after establishing the guest list and only inviting 30 guests TOTAL from the groom's side (including family and friends). For example, FH and I sat down and made up the list of all of our family and friends that we wanted there, then figured out how many more we could budget and asked our parents for their additions. So my mom is inviting 8 of her friends. But a huge chunk of our guest list is our side of the family, so it's not like she will only invite 8 people there.

I get that this is causing you to be upset. But you've raised your concerns with your son, and it's up to him. If he wants his family there, then he's the one that's going to need to stand up for it. Which may mean refusing any of his FIL's contributions. It's up to him, though, not you.

Well, I have to say my FILs are very lucky then- we have their whole family (they have a large family) plus about 40 of their friends. They have over 50% of our guest list.

How much should be broken down of guests? While I don't agree with "wear beige and shut up" are the 30 people that you personally are inviting? Could the bride have a very large family? I agree that you should talk to them very calmly to see what's up... but I feel that weddings should be about the bride and groom when it comes to guests.... but 300 is a lot of people.

Do you know the breakdown? Because if you both have big families (like 100 people per family) that only gives another 100 for bride and grooms friends, coworkers, parent's guests and so on... I didn't give my parents any guests because we wanted an intimate wedding, but 300 isn't really intimate...

I'm in the camp that regardless of who is paying guest list decisions should be made by the bride and groom. That being said FH and I have people invited to the wedding that we don't want there because FMIL threw a fit. She flat out told us that either we add them to the guest list and deal with it or she invites them via word of mouth and we end up footing a surprise bill at the wedding for all of the extra guests.

Honestly unless the people being invited are close to the bride and groom I don't see why they need to be invited. Which is why none of my mom's cousins/aunt/uncles are coming, nor are her friends, but my FMIL has a ton of people.

It's funny for me to read this, as I am going to be a mother-in-law next Spring 2016

My son is getting married to a lovely young woman that has 6, yes 6 family members.

My son has 70 people in his immediate family!!

I have offered to help pay to include my 30 people, and my ex-husband needs to pony up the money for his 40 people or he will hear it from me ;o)

They want to keep the guest list at about 120. I sure hope this works out for me lol dang I guess I am a bit of a selfish MIL already even though I hate to admit it!!

@Mother, I worry this resentment will follow you to the wedding. I suggest trying to reframe it. "We love our son and are happy we can contribute as much as we can to the wedding. We would love to have had more family here, but are glad we have a good relationship with our son and FDIL." And be glad you do not need the wedding to show off. It sounds like your son is on your side and cares that you are happy. He will know if you are faking being happy at the wedding. Don't let her get to you.

To clarify a couple of points. I've never posted on WeddingWire, although the other FMIL sounds interesting..... And, the 30 people to whom I refer includes my husband and me, my son's grandmother, uncle and aunt, my son's brother, and my son's 3 cousins. We got 30 people TOTAL, NOT 30 of my friends.

I've got a in law whose grandmother paid for the 700 dollar wedding cake and he didn't even get to pick the flavor! the brides mom picked it out. he still complains about it.

think that's one reason I started making cakes. it was just white with some badly done uneven piping decoration on it.

I just kept thinking 700 dollars for a undecorated cake?edit for typo

That sucks. It's really sad that your son can't stand up for you. It's only gonna get worst when kids come along. I think parent's inviting friends is fine especially given the size of the wedding. I dunno if the date you have up is the actual wedding date if so it's getting too late for invites so speak up soon. You don't sound like you're holding money over your son's head you sound like a sweetie pie!

Sounds like FDIL is a problem too--a DJ for the rehearsal dinner? Wtf? Stinks if you only get 30 at the wedding, but def cut their side for the rehearsal dinner.