Dilemma with inviting my gay cousins...

If I do not invite them it will come across as if I do not want them there because they are gay. This would NOT be the case AT ALL! I just know if I invite them however, I will need to invite their mother. That husband of hers hates her boys solely because of their sexual orientation. I really do not want this to come up or be an issue at my wedding. So, do you think my not inviting any of them aside from my great aunt and uncle will be the best way to avoid a mess or should I suck it up and invite the cousins and pray for the best?

Are you inviting your other cousins on the same side?

Suck it up and invite them all. Chances are your gay cousins are well aware of close minded homophobes the sad part is this is more than likely something they deal with on a daily basis. Let them handle it if something arises I'm sure they know exactly what to say to diffuse the situation .

They are the only cousins on that side and I do not speak to them on a regular basis. The thing is - while I would be just fine with the one cousin bringing his committed boyfriend (whom I have met and is very nice) I do NOT want my other cousin to show up with someone he barely knows that he picked up off the internet. I could put his name on the invite only, but he is the type of person to bring someone anyway.

I'd just invite them unless there are a lot of other cousins and such that you're leaving out. Also if you invite the cousins, invite the partner of the one in the long term relationship and then maybe don't give a plus 1 to the other cousin so he won't bring a random hookup. I think it's totally appropriate by etiquette to invite significant others that are fairly serious. And if the stepdad of these cousins has a problem with them being there he can either decline coming, or he can stay on the other side of the room.

The more I think about it, I should just not invite the cousins' mother and her husband. That way if the cousins come, they can have a good time and not feel like they need to avoid someone the whole night.

I would invite the cousins if you like them and want them there. Only put one cousins name on the invite and try to make it clear it's only for him. Up to you on the aunt, but if you invite her make it clear his homophobic attitude is not welcome. Good luck!

If you want them there, invite them. Everyone can be an adult for a few hours and put their differences to the side. Talk to their mother and ask that she have a conversation with her husband about her boys coming to the event. Give the one cousin in a committed relationship a plus one, the other just himself (that way you don't end up with a "random fling" in attendance).

Or....if you want to avoid it ALL TOGETHER - don't invite any of them. If anyone approaches you in regards to this matter you can explain it to them. If your cousins even ask you about your decision, you can reassure them it wasn't because of their "status" but rather to avoid drama.

Invite who you want at your wedding, whatever that means for your families dynamic.. As for the homophobe… who marries someone thats a homophobe when her sons are gay?!

I am not inviting 95% of my mom's family for various reasons - half of them are nuts. As for the mother of the gay cousins - this is what happened. Their father died of cancer when he was like 42 years old. Shortly after his death, two of their three sons began to identify as gay. Their mother basically said they were not her sons anymore because of this until the third son (the oldest and the favorite) said he would disown her too if she shunned the other boys. So, she was just "ok" with them being gay. Well, she was up on dating sites just weeks after her husband died and then suddenly she was engaged to this guy that no one knew. Well, she did not seem to care at all that this new fling of hers was a homophobe and hates all gays. She married the pig anyway and now they cannot even have Christmas together. For a while it seemed they patched things up but I guess last Christmas there was an enormous fight and now none of them speak to each other anymore. The problem is my mother is in regular contact with my great aunt and uncle and the mother of these cousins, and I think my mom "accidentally Facebook invited" the mother and her husband. I am just not going to send them an invite - I will invite the cousins, but not their mother and stepfather.

We have MAJOR homophobes (and racists) in our family and almost had two gay men (one Hispanic) as my FW's BMs who would have walked down the aisle with my groomsmen ... and even had the first dance with them. We would have loved it. We were going to make sure to tell our photo/video guy who the gay guys were and who the phobes were and make sure to capture all the reactions. Woulda been great! Sadly we are not having a bridal party lol

Invite who you want. Invite who you think you have to have. Ignore everyone else. Problem people can go f*** themselves. Idk about your venue but I know my sister's provided off duty cops as undercover security. (There were suspected murderers and convicted murderers - not the same people - attending so we had to be sure problems could be dealt with.)

eta: sounds like she married that guy simply because he hates gay people so her own feelings now have an outlet. interesting ...

I'd be much more likely to invite the cousins then the homophobe.

as for the one cousin that dates guys off of crag list, can't you just invite him without a plus one?

or will he bring someone anyway?

if you think he would not bring someone uninvited, then I'd invite him.

as for the homophobe, if you think you can trust him not to make a scene, invite everyone. just don't put them at the same table if you are assigning seating.

if you think he'll make a scene, I'd invite everyone except the homophobes

if you can't be trusted to behave then I don't think you should expect to be invited to a wedding.

note: I edited my response to homephobes after reading the comment explaining that the mom tried to disown the boys.

I think the fact that they are gay is totally irrelevant in this situation. You're not close to them, you're not inviting everyone else in your family, its okay to not invite them.

First of all, if you don't invite your cousins because your uncle is a biggot, you are basically telling him that behaviour is OK and you will accomodate him. If a person can't behave like a human being than you remove the villain, not the victims. But aside from that I would be very clear with your cousin that he is not allowed to bring a guest and also have a conversation with your uncle that your cousins are coming and his options are to be civil or stay at home. That way at least he isn't blind sided when they show up.

I have had a similar problem. I have two friends that are gay and married but my father does not like gay people and I told him they will be at the wedding and I better not hear any comments from him about them.

You have to invite them! Just because one person is a bigot is not your problem. Invite everyone, let them handle their own drama themselves.

I didn't even read the comments. In my opinion being gay had nothing to do with anything. You invite people to your wedding based on the relationship you have with them. If you don't speak to them does it matter their sexual preference?

Outside of the entire realm of whether or not you should invite anyone to your wedding it sounds like you're being really judgmental of your cousin. Having sex with multiple partners, even if you met them on the internet, does not make you a bad person and it doesn't necessarily mean you're having unsafe sex. It's his life and his body. Assuming that just because he has had multiple partners recently means he would think it was appropriate to bring someone he isn't serious about to your wedding is a bit of a stretch. If you're just not close to him anymore, then don't invite him.

Don't worry about what it will look like or what anyone will think. If you make your decision based on that then one way or another you are being prejudice. Invite who you want to invite to your wedding.

It sounds like there is homophobia across the board. Their sexual preference seemed to cause the division which is too bad. The fact that you don't invite someone not close to you makes sense, but whether they're gay or straight, black, purple, green, etc. really should not be part of the equation, no matter who it may offend.

People-- read the comments! She's not planning to invite her asshole uncle in the first place!