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Savvy September 2021

Did you elope?! So many questions!

Ladyish, on June 23, 2020 at 11:02 PM Posted in Planning 1 8
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Hey everyone!


(Long post ahead--sorry & thanks in advance for any & all advice/input!)

Who eloped (or planning to elope)--eloped defined as: it was just you, your future spouse, the officiant, and maybe a photographer, but no one else? I really want to pick your brain(s)! What were your pros & cons? Did you tell anyone prior to saying " I do"--if yes, how did it go/was received? What do you wish you did that you didn't do, or did that you wish you didn't? Also, anyone have any problems with family/friends slipping and letting people know you were married before you had the chance to announce it the way you wanted? I'm fairly positive my mom (who will be thrilled. seriously, she can't wait for us to get engaged lol) would be so excited, she would tell everyone, their sister, and all of facebook that we got engaged/hitched.

We recently got engaged, and we haven't told anyone,not even our families, because once we do, we know it will be the onset of a million & one questions. The biggest reason we haven't told our families is because we don't want to hurt their feelings by telling them "Yay, we're finally getting hitched, but you're not invited, or included, in any of the ceremony." (Obviously not that exact statement because it's rude/hurtful) So now we're playing the 'do we tell them before or after--after being the next day? ' game.

[Back story] We've both been married previously and did the whole "big white wedding" with our family & friends. With my first wedding, my mom and I (we really do have a great relationship) fought a lot because she couldn't take a backseat to what I wanted/envisioned. She's the type that isn't flexible when she thinks she is right and her way is better(and she always thinks this)--it caused a lot of unnecessary stress and drama for me. So much that I eventually gave up planning and let her run with what she thought was best. (For a while, I really thought our relationship was going to fracture and unsure it would ever heal.) I'm extremely grateful for her hard work and everything she put into it for me. (It was a beautiful wedding.) This is what I don't want to happen, which is why I'm set on eloping.

Ideally, I'd love to have our intimate ceremony and private moments, then have our families join us for family photos on our actual wedding day followed by a nice, relaxing dinner. (Partially because I would love for them to be there after, and they wouldn't have to feel pressure to come down for our post-elopement celebration. We live several states away from our families, and we'd have more quality time with them).

Thanks again for any advice--and sorry for the novel.

8 Comments

Latest activity by Breann, on June 24, 2020 at 5:39 PM
  • Nefetera
    VIP March 2015
    Nefetera ·
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    Me and my husband eloped 5 years agom we didnt tell anyone it was considered "A run away marriage" my friend at the time and cuzzin came as our witness. I felt good at the the time. I didnt tell my family bc they wouldnt had agreed at the time...however to this day i honselty regret doing it the way we did. I feel if someone eloped parents should be there and close family and friends. Knowing what i know now i would had eloped but done it much better. I didnt liked my dress my husband attire looking back. 5 years later on May 23rd of this year we were supposed to renew our vows due to us eloping in the pass. We werent able to due to CVIOD 19. So hopefilly one day we can have our dream wedding.
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  • L
    Savvy September 2021
    Ladyish ·
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    Thank you. I hope you get your dream wedding next May! I'm sorry you have to cancel due to COVID-19Smiley sad.

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  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
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    I am "eloping" or I guess having an intimate ceremony. Us and two friends. One being my friend as a maid of honor as I want her by my side especially since my mom is no longer here. FH would rather courthouse and I wanted some ceremony with a dress and pictures in a beautiful place. I would have loved a smaller ceremony and reception but he has social anxiety and this was the happy medium we came to. I would suggest telling people in advance, rather the people whose opinions you care about. I told my aunt (my mom's best friend and more like family to my brother and I than some of my real aunts), my big bro, my really good friend and my other aunt. We told his parents and sister. I was worried about my SIL and MIL's reactions but they were understanding and they openly said it would have hurt had they found out after the fact. A couple of aunts I am not that close to I am going to light tell them closer to out of respect for posting pictures. I of course shared with my friends but that is whatever. I have a friend who married and then told family and her mom was mad but got over it so that decision is on you. There may be questions but at the end of the day it is your decision, they do not have to love it but they need to respect it either way.

    Pros: less money, less stress, the day is about what you two want, you can splurge in areas you may not have been able to with a larger wedding (I got my photographers I wanted, a cathedral veil, the kind of cake I wanted and afterwards going to a roof top canopy with our two friends and best of all we can go big for our honeymoon.) That is what I think. Good luck on whatever you decide. Smiley smile

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  • L
    Savvy September 2021
    Ladyish ·
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    Thank you!! Most of the people closest to me know that I want to elope. I plan on telling people before posting pictures. I don't even think I'll have any professional one back until it's time for our celebration afterwards. I just want to be as stress-free as possible in already stressful world.

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  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
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    Exactly and honestly like you said...you both had the big weddings prior and do not want to this time and that is valid. A friend of mine said that she much preferred her second wedding just her and husband on the beach saying I do because the first one was stressful. The number thing people that have eloped told me is that people get over it and they did not regret it.

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  • Breann
    Devoted June 2020
    Breann ·
    • Flag

    We eloped yesterday! People knew ahead of time and trust me, we've heard PLENTY of complaints from his parents about not being invited.

    But our day was exactly the way we wanted it to be, and there was no pressure at all. Just joked around most of the day and had a lot of time with the photographers to tell us how to pose, since we're both kind of awkward. lol.

    My stepdaughter and I made the cake and frosted it the day before, we ordered Indian take-out they day of (7 pm start time), and just relaxed (until my last minute panic set in and I was trying to put on waterproof liquid eyeliner with shaky hands).

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  • L
    Savvy September 2021
    Ladyish ·
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    Congrats!!! I'm so happy for y'all. Was this his first wedding? I'm pretty sure if this was either of our first weddings, I'd feel differently and include more people.

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  • Breann
    Devoted June 2020
    Breann ·
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    Thank you! Second for both of us. I eloped the first time too; just hate the idea of being emotional in front of an audience! We're both introverts so it felt like the right choice.

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