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Ona
Savvy September 2020

Did i just get hustled by my grandmother...? Do i have the right to be upset? Also, any ideas on affordable last minute dresses?

Ona, on June 27, 2020 at 8:08 PM

Posted in Wedding Attire 50

Hello everyone! This is my dream dress, it's $2,400... I picked it out after my great-grandmother told me she WANTED to buy my dress and to go pick out what I wanted and let her know how much it was. She never insinuated that there was a cap, didn't give me a price range and is pretty comfortable,...

Hello everyone! This is my dream dress, it's $2,400...

I picked it out after my great-grandmother told me she WANTED to buy my dress and to go pick out what I wanted and let her know how much it was. She never insinuated that there was a cap, didn't give me a price range and is pretty comfortable, financially.

However, after finding this lovely treasure after searching for months, I get back to her and my excitement quickly diminished into sadness (it gets worse) when she said "actually, I'll send you half the cost of the dress." so, at this point I'm still trying to keep my hopes up so I say "ok, thats works!" a couple months later (at this point I still hadn't received any money from her nor did she bring up the dress after she said she would pay for half) I get a text from the bridal boutique saying that my dream dress is on sale!!!! YAY!! or so I thought... I call my grandmother and let her know that its on sale and remind her that it has to be custom made so the sooner the better so that alterations can be made if necessary, she did not like that. She responded by getting very upset with me, asking "what exactly do (I) expect from (her)" utterly confused, I responded by saying "I'm sorry if I upset you. I thought that we had already agreed on all this before hand?" she angrily says to me "Listen, I will send you $1,000 and you can put that towards your dress and don't ask me for anymore." I say "ok, sounds good." but is it really all good...?! I think not.

Fast forward to over a year later (wedding was in less than two months at this point) and I have received NO money from her and there has been NO mention of the dress. My fiancé and I were in the middle of moving (she knows this) and she calls me out of the blue to say that she is going to send me $1,000. I, thinking this was just a generous house warming gift say of thats so nice, you don't have to do that, thank you, yada yada... this would be pretty normal for her because last time we moved she bought us some furniture that came out to be well over $1,000 and she likes to give lavish and expensive gifts.

This is where things get kinda wonky...

She sends me an email with a screenshot from her Capital One app on her iPad that states that she has sent me a bill pay in the amount of $600 and she writes in the e-mail "another $400 in a couple days..." my fiancé and I both thought it seemed like a ridiculously inefficient way to send money but hey, who cares it's so nice of her to send it at all and she's an old lady so maybe that just seemed like the best way in her mind. I receive the check for $600 about two weeks later so I text her to let her know I got it like she asked, everything was fine, I was like thanks love you, etc.. and she reciprocated the sentiment.

Fast forward another few weeks, second check hasn't come yet and having assumed that the money was in my and my finances opinion quite obviously a house warming gift, we spent just about all of the $600 on house stuff.

Sitting on one of our new chairs in the living room, the thought pops into my head "was that money supposed to be the money for my dress?" as you can imagine a sheer panic immediately came over me and I said to my fiancé "I think that money was supposed to be for my dress!" he thought that seemed just as ludicrous as I thought it was but also knew that it may very well be the case.

That day I decided to start looking for a new dress under $400 hoping that she would still be sending that amount at some point before the wedding but after scrolling through all the used and discount dress sites, I got so upset that I just went into the bathroom and cried instead.

I have no idea how to address this issue with her or if I even should.

Which brings me to my final question: does anyone have any good ideas on where to find affordable wedding dresses?

Besides, Poshmark, BHLDN, StillWhite, Reformation


cfb_1403541.jpg

and Etsy...?

50 Comments

  • S
    Just Said Yes October 2020
    Shyanne ·
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    I got my dress from bhldn and LOVE it. They have some great lower cost optiona.
    • Reply
  • A
    Master June 2020
    Anna ·
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    Hey!,
    Just let me give you another point of view.
    Could be that she is suffering from early onset alzheimers or dementia. My daddy has the first one. Mood swings and memory loss are common. The anger is from the frustration of not remembering.
    Could be a medical condition, not that she doesn't care or want to help you.She may actually forget at times and feel helpless.
    Until we got my Daddy on the correct medication, he was a different person. Now, thankfully back to himself.
    If she has always helped you in the past, seems unlikely that she would abandon you for no reason.
    Perhaps your Mother (or Father depending on whose Mother she is) should take her to a neurologist for evaluation. Medications can't cure it, but can halt it in its track.Early diagnosis is key.
    Try not to worry, it will be ok, just food for thoughtSmiley smile
    Congratulations!
    • Reply
  • Makayla
    Savvy May 2021
    Makayla ·
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    Davids Bridal is selling their sample dresses for $99!!!
    • Reply
  • Jeni
    Devoted July 2021
    Jeni ·
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    It's possible you recieved a bunch of empty promises. It's possible she didn't realize how much dresses cost nowadays. Either way, it's water under the bridge now and lesson learned.


    For you dress, try Windsor (their white formal dresses are all under $150), David's Bridal clearance, ASOS, Akira, Peaches Boutique, any prom/pageant/quinceañera drese store, any sample dress/off-the-rack dress store. (I've shopped at all the stores I mentoned by name, so they're legit.)
    • Reply
  • K
    Dedicated September 2022
    Kpar ·
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    I’m thinking she had no idea of the price range. My parents said they’d help pay for my dress, went dress shopping with me, and I never got any money from them for the dress. The only thing they’ve paid for is my $70 hair trial and I was surprised by that.
    • Reply
  • Nicole
    Savvy June 2020
    Nicole ·
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    After my original dress couldn’t be altered on time for our small June wedding, I ordered a dress off Lulu’s for $75 and added a belt for $50 and it turned out PERFECTLY! It fit amazing, and only needed to be shortened a tad which was so doable. I have had good experiences with Lulu’s, and I have been able to easily return things that didn’t work out as planned as well. I wouldn’t bring it up with your grandmother again, it was nice of her to offer anything towards your wedding and/or housewarming. You won’t be able to buy a boutique dress for that amount most likely, but you can still find a beautiful dress under budget. Good luck!
    • Reply
  • Kerin
    Super February 2021
    Kerin ·
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    I got my dress at JJs House and it's gorgeous, exactly as advertised, and I bought a stock size knowing it would require alterations. They have a lot of styles and I am certain you can find something beautiful and within your budget. Just make sure you take honest measurements to but the right size...you can even have them make it custom with your measurements, if that works in your budget, too. (Fyi, the pics don't show my straps connected because I'm leaving the protective wrapping around all the "bling" until my seamstress gets ahold of it.)Did i just get hustled by my grandmother...? Do i have the right to be upset? Also, any ideas on affordable last minute dresses? 1

    Did i just get hustled by my grandmother...? Do i have the right to be upset? Also, any ideas on affordable last minute dresses? 2

    Did i just get hustled by my grandmother...? Do i have the right to be upset? Also, any ideas on affordable last minute dresses? 3

    • Reply
  • Katelyn
    Savvy August 2021
    Katelyn ·
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    I understand where you are coming from. We had a relative offer to do some decor. Then while working on them realizing it was too much expensive asked for us to split the cost. It was a very awkward situation because had we been doing them on our own we probably would have gone with simpler design and didn’t really have the extra cash. Luckily we found a bride who is getting married 2 weeks after me and offered to buy it all so it all worked out. I think that relatives have the best intentions, but many don’t set a budget or realize how much things cost, which sounds like what happened to you. I get it’s totally stressful and can reap havoc on your budget, but I think at this point saying anything else would just embarrass your grandma. I would suggest checking out your local wedding Facebook groups. I have seen soooo many posts for people selling dresses because they opted to elope instead of postpone and just want to get back some of their money.
    • Reply
  • Omomi
    Just Said Yes October 2020
    Omomi ·
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    Honestly, it does not seem fair to her. I read it as she didn't expect you to look at such a steep price (calling when choosing would've helped) and that she didn't feel comfortable with the number/too embarrassed bc though it may look like someone is well off- they have personal finances/budgeting... I also read it as her sending the 600/ 400 for the dress bc to send 1k after discussing the dress makes sense.

    Smiley shame Enjoy your day and the moment, it is sweet of her to contribute because not many family members do that. You will find a lovely dress from local bridal boutiques, relax, enjoy, be merry! Smiley ring it's in the past, move forward and be happy

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  • Aimee
    Super July 2021
    Aimee ·
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    David’s bridal. Have you bought the dress you wanted?
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  • Elizabeth
    Super June 2021
    Elizabeth ·
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    I would just be grateful for the money she did send, don't overthink all of it, and try to find a dress you can afford. I recommend Azazie!

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  • Alisa
    Devoted August 2020
    Alisa ·
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    Honestly, i wouldn't bring it up again. i hate feeling like im bothering someone and your grandmother seems like she is bothered by this, not that its your fault.

    as far as inexpensive dresses, check out davids bridal, they are having a sample sale right now with lots of dresses under $600

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  • L
    Just Said Yes November 2020
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    Amazon has some gorgeous less than $200 dresses, my wedding dress is from there
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  • J
    Beginner August 2021
    Jasmine ·
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    Seems like a whole lot of miscommunication. At this point I wouldn't bring it up. She has given you the $1000 like she said she would. Etsy has a lot of cheap dresses and you can also go to a local small business dress store. You can even find white prom dresses other places (could also find cheap ones on Facebook).

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  • K
    Savvy November 2022
    Kali ·
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    OP, your grandma probably didn't realize how expensive your dress would be. If you couldn't buy it on your own, then don't rely on others to do it/help you. Your grandmother probably can't afford to give you $1000--that's a lot of money!

    For dresses, I'd look at bridesmaid dresses and buy it in white/cream. Azarie is another option for affordable dresses. Etsy is still usually in the 1K+ price range.

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  • H
    Just Said Yes July 2020
    Heather ·
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    I went to a resale shop and found the most amazing dress ever!! They work with people who do alterations at home for a very reasonable price!!
    • Reply
  • H
    Just Said Yes July 2020
    Heather ·
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    It was specifically for wedding dresses
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  • A
    Dedicated October 2020
    Adriana ·
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    A similar thing happened to me, my mom promised to pay for my dress and I even specifically asked her the night before we went shopping if she had the budget and was prepared to make a down payment if I found the one, to which she said yes. Next day, I pick out my dress and we are ready to pay and she tells me “You’ll have to pay for it, I don’t have any money.” I was extremely disappointed and hurt that she would put me in that position after she assured me multiple times that she had it covered. Unfortunately I did not have the money on hand so I had to write them a check and rush to the bank on Monday morning to deposit the money. It was very stressful. I’m sorry this has happened, good luck finding your dress!
    • Reply
  • J
    September 2020
    Julie ·
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    You should be grateful for what ever your grandmother gives you. Why you would go out and buy furniture knowing your dress wasn't paid for is beyond me. You need some appreciation and humbleness.

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  • S
    Just Said Yes May 2021
    Sasha ·
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    Azazie.com
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