Destination Wedding- Who to invite??

We sent save the dates to approx 90 people, and at this point, 20 have confirmed (we are getting married in Mexico and holding a reception 6 weeks later in our home town). We anticipate maybe 5-10 more to actually attend.

We invited more knowing they wouldn't attend, but we really wanted to try to include them as much as possible.

You're not overthinking anything. Destination weddings are a totally different ball game, and with not a lot of info online (that doesn't try to sell you stuff anyway) it can be easy to overthink!

We are only inviting immediate family & closest friends... so around 25-30. We want the destination wedding very intimate We are also doing a party either before leaving for USVI or in July 3 months after we return.

Never invite more than you can afford.to host if you have 100% attendance. Yes, you'll probably get declines, but don't rely on them.

Hey Chrissy. A friend got married in Jamaica 2 years ago. Sent save the dates to about 100 with with an option to respond whether they would come or not. Those that said they would come is who got the actual invite with all the travel & hotel info on it. In all she had about 60-65 people. It's all about how many you can afford in conjunction with how big or small you want the wedding to be.

As a disclaimer, I have to say that I've never understood the concept of a DW. I'm in the rare camp (I'm assuming) that would only have a DW if the only people I expected and wanted to come were my immediate family and several close friends. I would pay for them, as an alternative to 150 guests in a local venue. I would think if you really want to include people, you have a local wedding (face it, every wedding is a DW for many people, to some extent.....last week I had, in NJ, guests from CA, TX, AL, VA and FLA.....spending a week in NYC can be just as pricey as a week on an island.)

Not THAT many people can afford the time or money to go to a DW unless they are going to replace a regular vacation. Which they may not want to do even if they DO plan a regular vacation. I can't think of one person, family or not, whose wedding I would attend if it required a stay in a vacation location I didn't choose at a time I didn't prefer, no matter how lovely. (Of course, I have a built in excuse......my work.....)

And as others have said, don't plan on people NOT coming.

I agree with Celia. I don't want to spent $1500 - $2000 to attend a wedding, unless the stars aligned and it's a location I want to go for vacation. But, to answer your question, invite who you want to attend. There's no specific etiquette on DW. I think the normal invitation rules apply. Decline rates for a DW wedding could be 30% - 70%. Assuming you know your guest list and their budgets, you will know who can afford to attend.

@T. Marie what your friend did is actually not cool. You must send an invitation to every person you send a STD to. And asking for an RSVP from a STD is kind of tacky, in my opinion. The purpose of a STD is to allow people to plan/save up for the trip/wedding. Many people need time to save before committing to coming or not.

@Celia I don't get destination weddings in some random place the couple has never been to. I know these are popular because brides see photos or think it'll be pretty, but I'd bet you could find a 100 places in your own country that are just as pretty. I do think some people have DWs for sentiment. I know a couple who met on the beach Mexico. They were both from the U.S. and started a relationship (though they lived 5 hours apart for the first year). Anyway, when they got engaged many years later, they chose to get married on that same beach in Mexico. I think that kind of thing makes sense.

@Elizabeth K, I understand what you're saying but if people said no to the std knowing when & where it will be why send an invitation?

@T Marie, you shouldn't be asking for RSVPs at the time you send STDs. That's the first mistake. But you send an invite later because people's circumstances could have changed in the interim (which, by the way, is why you don't ask for RSVPs at the time you send STDs). It's considered rude.

For us, Fh's family lives on the East Coast (of Canada), and my family on the West Coast. Like Celia said, it would have been a DW no matter where we did it. The cost of flying within Canada is outrageous (700$ return to fly a 2 hour flight within my province...sometimes it can get as high as 12-1500$ each return to fly from Vancouver to Toronto! FHs sister got married in Toronto and it cost us over 2000$ in flights alone to attend), so we did the math and it was cheaper for our families to fly/all inclusive in Mexico for a week, then it was to fly/stay in Toronto area or Vancouver area for a week.

FH is also not keen on taking time off (in general, he says that he can rest when he's dead), and our wedding was as good as time as any to take us on a new adventure.

You do have to be prepared that all will say yes. But, rejection also sucks, so you have to be prepared for a bunch of nos as well. For us, this was a compromise; FH wanted to elope and I wanted something bigger. Mexico gives us a bit of both.

@Elizabeth K, right, wrong or indifferent that how it was done & that's what worked for her.

I'm having a destination wedding and my best advice would be don't treat it like a regular wedding you'd have at home. Inviting 100 people and hoping for half that seems like a terrible idea. I would invite anyone you can't imagine getting married without and people who you feel comfortable asking to spend that type of money to attend. Don't worry about people feeling excluded. Most are going to understand that a destination wedding is going to be a smaller event.

You should invite whoever you want there DWs can range in size from very intimate to very large. I've seen 150 person weddings at resorts. Like others have said, only invite the amount you can afford to host.

Have you thought about live streaming your wedding from St. Lucia so guests who can't attend can also participate online?

I agree with Kathy. We are having a DW. It is not like planning a regular wedding. We actually skipped STD's completely. Invitations are sent out so much earlier with a DW because deposits need to be made a lot earlier. We sent out our invitations in August -- deposits were due at the end of Oct. We invited about 75 close family and friends and we have about 45 attending. I would honestly just invite those you really want there and not worry about 100 just so you can get at least 50. Yes, the turn out will be smaller but at least it's intimate

Invite whoever you want. Like Celia said, most weddings are destination for some people, but the level of destination makes a difference. We have people traveling in for our wedding next week, but several are either just coming for the one night or staying with family to cut down on costs.

Definitely budget for however many you invite. You never know who might be able to attend. I have to disagree with Celia and some others and say that if you are close family/friends with someone having a DW I think a lot of people will try to go. We had a DW in my family last year. About 20 of us attended. There were only a handful of others who were invited who couldn't make it. We all like in different places so even though we all had to dedicate our vacation time to it we all considered it worth it to get to have a vacation together.

I am also having a DW (Maui) and it would have been a DW regardless because I live in CA and almost all our family live in other states. We have always wanted a family vacation and this, for us, was a great way to make that happen. We invited about 60 people and are expecting about 30-35. So, I'd say invite the people that you really want to be there on your special day. Not everyone likes the idea of a DW, but that is something that is a personal preference. I have had a lot of fun planning mine with the help of a planner and I cannot wait until the big day. Congratulations and happy planning

@LC R. That sounds like a good idea. I will look into it. Thanks @thejadecoast, that's wonderful. Good luck to you. @KB, that's sounds great, thanks for the feedback! Good luck to all you Dw brides!!!

We have 24 people attending our on-board ceremony and cocktail hour. 12 of those guests accompanying us on our cruise. Then we are having a large party/reception when we return home two weeks later. I don't know if that helps, but it helped us include everyone and stay in budget.

Sounds like a great idea @Lori R we are going to host s small shin dig locally 6 months after the dw and invite everyone, those that did attend and those that could not attend. It will just be dessert, music and small appetizers and a replay of the wedding video.