DEPRESSED & STRESSED OUT- WEDDING CANCELLED

20 years is a very long time.... maybe he felt less of a man at that time or maybe he's having financial issues. I pray you'll be safe and stay encouraged.

Oh wow. I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this. It sucks that you lost so much money but maybe it was a blessing in disguise. I hope you find strength within yourself to stay positive & move forward

I hate to ask this, but I'm going to (based on your long history) -- is he abusing drugs or alcohol? Don't say no without investigating. Is he currently being prescribed any relatively new medication? If so, what is it? Does he have a psychiatric history? PTSD? A Bi-Polar diagnosis? Anything like that?. Even if it's been under control, the partner may never realize what his/her triggers are, and it seems like he ran into a big one.

Twenty years of stability - or at least nothing close to verbal abuse -- and he just went off the rails? An expired credit card? That's hardly the same thing as a declined credit card (which speaks to financial issues behind the scenes). Quitting smoking? Yeah, it damn hard to do, but most people I know would light the cigarette for him and tell him that he needed to slow down on the nicotine withdrawal.

I'm at a loss, but if an individual is willing to throw $10K away in a few hours, I'd say he's having an episode. Can you contact your vendors and put them on hold until you get him to a doctor that can prescribe something for him that will take his anxiety level back to normal? I don't think a private wedding and JP officiant is the answer -- in fact, I wouldn't even consider that. I'd want an answer, and the only reason I wouldn't immediately walk away is because you've had 20 peaceful years together.

If this behavior is an aberration, you need to find out what happened. I'd give him that much (maybe from a distance, but I would give him that much). Sadly, you may have to walk away, but do so (in safety) and with full disclosure.

I'm dearly sorry girly. Things will get better just focus on yourself and he needs to get help. I hope for better things in your future !!

I'm so sorry to hear that.

So sorry hun. I'm glad you got out. NO ONE gets to treat you like that. You are an inspiration to the women who are in similar situations.

Was he taking the stop smoking drug that warns of personality changes? At any rate, even with medical causes, you're doing the right thing by staying safe. I'm sorry for your pain.

Get out and stay out. Forget counselling; see a lawyer and get a restraining order. Change the locks on your door. Find somebody else. There are too many good guys out there.