Redhead
Dedicated November 2017

DEPRESSED & STRESSED OUT- WEDDING CANCELLED

Redhead, on April 17, 2017 at 3:37 PM Posted in Planning 0 48
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FH (now ex) snapped. Totally lost it. Became verbally abusive, I had to move out.

We have been together for 20 years, lived in our house for 15 years, been engaged for almost 1 year and never once has anything like this happened.

He called and cancelled the venue, the DJ, the photographer, everything. We lost over $10,000 that we have already paid out on our wedding.

he is refusing to get help. I am totally numb. This happened over 2 weeks ago.

48 Comments

  • Taylor
    Super October 2018
    Taylor ·
    • Flag

    I am so, so sorry. Make sure you are taking care of yourself during this time. Get some counseling for yourself, ASAP.

    • Reply
  • Tamara
    Super October 2017
    Tamara ·
    • Flag

    I am so, so sorry for what has happened. What caused him to get like that? do you think it was cold feet? Is he going through something major? Have you tried talking to his immediate family about this? Again - I m so sorry. I really hope things work out in your favor.

    ETA- I wholeheartedly agree with PP - take care of YOURSELF and worry about YOUURSELF.

    • Reply
  • EM
    Master April 2017
    EM ·
    • Flag

    Wow. I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this.

    I'm sure losing the money stings, but better for this to happen before you are married than after when it would be much harder and more expensive to get out of that type of relationship.

    Do you have any idea what caused him to "snap" like that?

    • Reply
  • Teri
    VIP May 2017
    Teri ·
    • Flag

    I'm so sorry to hear this. Are you two still speaking?? Has he given you any reason as to why he did this? Take as much time as you need to process this. Good luck. We are here If you need us.

    • Reply
  • Heidi
    Super October 2017
    Heidi ·
    • Flag

    I'm so sorry to hear this Smiley sad

    Is it possible to go to counseling together (and as others have stated, alone too!)? Obviously a wedding is out of the picture right now but if this is truly the first time this sort of snap has happened, it's probably something you can work out, especially if you've been together for so long.

    • Reply
  • Mandypants
    Super May 2017
    Mandypants ·
    • Flag

    So very sorry. Smiley sad I can't imagine what you are going through. I hope you are getting all the support you need.

    • Reply
  • Harleybeachbride
    Master May 2017
    Harleybeachbride ·
    • Flag

    Oh no.... I'm so sorry!!!!! Does he have any history of mental issues/abuse?? You have been together so long were there any red flags????

    • Reply
  • earias
    Champion December 2017
    earias ·
    • Flag

    I am so sorry this has happened to you! I've been there myself with a past ex. It is shocking to be treated that way by someone who supposedly loves you. Take care of yourself and know that you are not to blame. Try not to isolate yourself. Surround yourself with people who care for you.

    • Reply
  • Redhead
    Dedicated November 2017
    Redhead ·
    • Flag

    We went out to get wings and he realized that he debit card had expired. I paid for dinner. We went home, he did not say a word to me all night and then the next morning is when he started the verbal abuse. I went to work, came home and he was following me around the house, yelling at me, telling me that I am useless, i am selfish, I am a piece of crab and a lot worse I wont type out. I put up with this for 3 days before I moved out. It was a full moon and he always did get cranky during full moons. the only other thing I can think of is that he was trying to quit smoking.

    I have only talked to his mom, and she told me to give him some time and then we can go before a JP and get married.

    I already starting talking to a shrink, but they also want him to come in and so far he will not.

    He keeps calling and texting me stating that he loves me and that we will work this out.

    Right now, as you all stated, I need to take care of myself before I even think about if I will ever take him back.

    Thanks for the support. Much appreciated.

    • Reply
  • A&W
    Master May 2017
    A&W ·
    • Flag

    I'm so sorry. There's no excuse for treating someone you supposedly love that way. I'm glad you're taking care of yourself first. I can't imagine what you're going through.

    • Reply
  • K.M.
    Master September 2018
    K.M. ·
    • Flag

    All of this happened over him not being to pay for the meal? These are serious red flags. Clearly he does not respect you, because if he did then he would never talk to you like that. I'm glad you moved out.

    • Reply
  • AshD
    VIP June 2017
    AshD ·
    • Flag

    He sounds insecure and a little crazy. Its good you left. You deserve better.

    • Reply
  • K.M.
    Master September 2018
    K.M. ·
    • Flag

    Also, there is no excuse for his terrible behavior. This is not your fault.

    • Reply
  • Sweetmosey
    Expert May 2017
    Sweetmosey ·
    • Flag

    So sorry this is happening. Sending prayers up for you.

    • Reply
  • Future381sWife
    VIP September 2017
    Future381sWife ·
    • Flag

    I am sorry you have to go through this. Take care of you!

    • Reply
  • Bemyguest
    Master April 2017
    Bemyguest ·
    • Flag

    I'm very sorry, and glad to hear you're taking care if yourself first. Keep it up! We are all here for you!

    • Reply
  • Doty
    Expert June 2017
    Doty ·
    • Flag

    Wow I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. It's good that you're talking to someone. I pray that he gets some help also very soon. I also pray for peace for your mind and heart in the midst of a tough situation.

    • Reply
  • Redhead
    Dedicated November 2017
    Redhead ·
    • Flag

    I agree 100% that he needs individual counseling, I wont even think about going to couples counseling until he has many, many, many individual sessions.

    It might sound funny, but i really don't give a crap about losing the money. It's only money, you make more every day you work and you cant take it with you. That is really the least of my worries right now.

    Thanks everyone for all of you support, it is truly needed.

    I also have my family to thank, they have been so wonderful the last couple of weeks. Right now I am living with 2 of my brothers. Family is the BEST!!

    • Reply
  • Taylor
    Super October 2018
    Taylor ·
    • Flag

    Also, I just have to say that without even knowing you, I can't help but be amazed at what a strong person you are. I can't imagine how difficult it was to leave that situation, after being in that relationship for so long. I am sending you all the love and support, OP.

    • Reply
  • Erin Wood
    Master July 2017
    Erin Wood ·
    • Flag

    I am so very sorry this has happened. Good for you for getting out of there. Surround yourself with the love of your family and friends and of course if you are feeling blue you can always come talk to us. I'll be thinking of you.

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