Dealing with a difficult bridesmaid.

All go away at some point. I just don't know what to do anymore. It is like she forgot this is my day, and not her's. or something like that.

My FH and I are really close friends with her ex-fiance. Who is part of our bridal party. We have yet to tell her this, because we don't know how she will react. We also have another ex-couple in our wedding party, and they don't care, like at all. They said they both would be civil with each other because it is our special day. So has the GM of my BM I have been talking about.

I think I am more stressed about this than my FH, since I am closer to her than he is. I might also think she is mad at me because my sisters are my MOH and not her. I did it this way because she is going to be MOH in a wedding next month.

Our wedding is very family-oriented so that was my main reason for picking my sisters, because they mean the world to me.

What do you ladies think? Will this all blow over, or should I have a heart-to-heart talk with her?

Here is the link: http://www.dsw.com/shoe/kelly+.and.+katie+result+sandal?prodId=219246&productRef=SEARCH

Since I keep typing so much, I forgot to put the link in my first post

Maybe you should make her watch 27 dresses....It's a privilege to be SELECTED or a CHOSEN one when it comes to standing up with someone on THERE wedding day. Maybe you should sit down with her and let her know that her behavior isn't what expect from someone that you CHOSE to be a special part of your day. A good HEART to HEART, good luck to you it's way to early in the game for her to already causing you heartache.

@ Salita...AMEN girl!!!

Thanks! I talked to my mom, and she said this is ridiculous. I really should not be stressing out about this so early.

She is being a tad difficult. Maybe a talk is good, but bottom line is she needs to understand that it's your day and your choice what you want to wear. I would then let her know about her ex being in the wedding party. That's only fair that she has a heads up IMO.

If she has an issue with the colors/jewlery/dress/ or the ex, then maybe standing up in your wedding isn't right for her. Planning a wedding is stressful and I have learned the hard way you can't please everyone. I had my "original" MOH who was my friend of 32 years. Sad to say, we are no longer friends, because of the wedding. It's the truth, the best and worst come out in people with weddings. I was on my second MOH (who stuck it thru) but she tried making it about her too, down to the day of at the hairsalon and wanted the same hair clip and hairstyle. That's a whole other post! lol

Continue....

We will be telling her about the EX. Just trying to figure out when, and how to tell her. Since she is being so difficult.

CONTINUE...

would sit her down have a chat, or maybe email (if you can't get a hold of her) let her know these are your choices and by the way the ex is in the party. Period. She will accept it as she is your friend and this is your day, or she won't and you have learned something new about your friend.

The sooner the better incase you have to plan on another BM to fill her spot. I wish you the best, and keep us posted on the outcome! :-)

Your mom is defiantly right...she has a choice to be on board or not to be, and as much as it may hurt to make that choice for her you might have too. I'd also make it clear to her that she is REPLACEABLE.

I will keep everyone posted. We had a few friends assume that the EX was in the wedding party to start, but we changed it around to have a few more friends be GM instead of my FH little brothers. These friends told her that she need to be happy for us since it is our day, not hers. Which surprised me, because they usually take her side on a lot of things.

@Tina, I do have a backup just incase.

Thank you all for the help! It is really nice to get others opinions on this!

I'm sure more people will comment soon, I thank all of you in advance!

LOL good for you!! I had one too as my MOH #1 flaked. Ehh I could of had a 3rd back up.

There is just so much to do and worry about other things then a selfish BM that makes it about her. Again IMO and expierence.

I have been a bridesmaid about 5 times...so maybe this can help with your insight. it is tough being a bridesmaid, especially if you are a natural opinionated person as well as a best friend to the bride. i dont want anything my friends do to be hideous, so i always tell them how i feel, and they do the same for me. so maybe you guys just have opposite tastes. its also really hard to stand up in front of a whole crowd of people and wear all night a dress you dont feel like you look good in. I have had that happen twice, not only is it embarrassing, but its uncomfortable, and it shows in pictures and in video. Also, sometimes when things are not the bridesmaid's taste she doesnt feel comfortable wearing anything like that, whether its jewelry or shoes or whatever. i have had one of my bridesmaids beg me not to have her wear heels because she is afraid she will trip, so we are looking into alternatives for her.

i understand it is a privilege to be a bridesmaid...cont

But maybe its not jealousy? maybe she just doesnt like what you are doing? i think red and gold can be absolutely gorgeous together, but maybe she doesnt? and that is why you are getting this type of animosity from her? i was a bridesmaid in a john deere wedding (yuck!) and i have never felt more hideous in my life. but i eventually sucked it up, and wore a bright green dress, with a bunch of pearl jewerly (double yuck!). but you as a bride, you should do all you can to make your bridesmaids feel comfortable. you dont want them up there being sassy because they feel ugly.

hopefully this helps! =]

@Amanda, those shoes are cute and wearable....they're not super high and super gold and all the ratings say they're comfortable. Everyone makes good points, but I can't help to think it's not about the clothes but something more (as you suspect). Sounds like it's time for a talk

It's a year and a half away. A lot can happen in that time. Ignore it for now and don't stress about this. Not sure why you bought shoes already, hope you don't change your mind in the next year and a half.

I agree with Pumpkin's Sunshine - while I know everyone wants to get as much done as soon as they can, you can do some stuff TOO early. Gather ideas but do not make decisions on BM attire until you reach 6-8 months before.

@Carly H. That did help. I hope this is what is going on. But she has been doing this stuff for other weddings she is in too. Including her sisters, and one next month that we are both bridesmaids in. So I am really not sure what is going on in her head.

@Pumpkin I bought shoes already because I really like them, and so does everyone else. I already have my dress, shoes, veil, and garter. The more I have done early, the better. Since I am still in college, and working 2 part-time jobs. My ideas haven't changed at all since I have started planning. I like the small heel and the fact that the look like pretty spring shoes.

I'll give it a rest for awhile, maybe things will calm down after this wedding next month.

I understand wanting to get things done early, but you don't know what changes are coming. Many people have to delay/postpone/cancel their wedding for one of many different reasons. You may have to change venue/style/colors. This is just a friendly warning not to get ahead of yourself. Sock away all that money and save it for the year before the wedding when you can be more confident that life isn't going to throw you for a loop.

I don't think I'm getting ahead of myself, but that's just me, I like to be ahead of the game. We can start booking stuff next month, since we will be 18 months out. The main reason I bought the shoes early is because they were on clearance, to save my ladies money, and didn't want to start over with a search for shoes.