Dance?

Not common unless there are religious issues with it. Are your parents paying for the wedding? If not, you don't have to allow them to dictate. If they are, and you want to do things your way, turn down their offer and host a wedding you can afford on your own.

This is not common. Your fiance is correct in them being controlling. I guess beyond me not understanding why they would even care about dancing - what do you want? If you and fiance want dancing then have dancing and explain that it is your wedding and also... dancing is usually expected at weddings...

That is definitely unusual. Do you know why they don't want dancing? Religious, don't like the distraction, timing, etc? I would say that for an afternoon wedding with such a short reception, no one is going to dance after you unless you keep playing dance music. Schedule something like the cake cutting for right after your dance and switch to non-dance, quiet music. I don't think anyone would find it odd.

But unfortunately, if your parents are paying for it and refuse to budge, then you're stuck with it. If you're paying for it yourselves, you can do what you want.

Working with the DJ would probably be your best solution for you to have a bride & groom first dance, the bride-father dance, and the groom-mother dance, without having an open dance floor for everyone. The DJ will announce when each dance is happening, and then keep things moving along by announcing the next thing in the sequence (whether it's dinner starting, then speeches, then cake cutting, then sendoff, or whatever your order of events is). Similar to what Andrea commented. Good DJs know how to keep things moving along nicely without feeling rushed. The good thing is that during alcohol-free daytime weddings, the guests aren't usually as eager to dance anyway, compared to traditional nighttime weddings where alcohol is served.

But on a different note, your parents do sound controlling. You say yourself that you wish your parents were more easygoing. If both the bride and groom want dances, why do they have such a problem with it? Even if your parents don't want to do the parent dances, you can at least do the bride & groom's first dance if that's something you both would enjoy and cherish.

Are your parents paying for the whole wedding? Do you come from a culture where the wedding "belongs" to the parents? I ask because my fiance is Egyptian, and in their culture, the wedding is considered a complete reflection on the parents where (so they tell me) the two fathers sit down and plan EVERYTHING. The bride basically just chooses her dress and maybe the color of the flowers. If you don't come from a culture like this, I'm having a hard time understanding why your parents think they can just declare that there will be no dancing against the bride and groom's wishes. Even if they are paying, I don't think they should be able to prohibit something that would be a very treasured memory for the bride and groom.

View Quoted Comment

I kind of doubt they are having a DJ. If they were having one, then of course people would dance. OP can correct me if I'm wrong, but I imagine they would just be playing a few CDs for the couples/parents dance.

But in case they are having a DJ, OP needs to let her parents know that they likely won't be able to keep people from getting up and dancing short of an actual announcement that there is No Dancing Allowed! and that isn't going to look very good in front of guests.

(edited my spelling error )

View Quoted Comment

Hi All. You are correct, Theresa. There is no DJ. That is their point exactly. Even if they hooked up a phone to a microphone system for three coordinated dances between the couple/parents, they are worried that others would take over and start dancing, choosing music, etc.. Although there is no alcohol, which Dani is correct about inciting people to dance more, they are still worried about the small chance that they would. They are not against dancing as a rule; they just think it is inappropriate for this setting, (afternoon wedding, light reception), added to the fact that they personally think it is too much showboating to do couple/parent dancing. To answer your question, they are paying for the wedding reception, and they do ascribe to the old, tradition that the parents of the bride are responsible for the big decisions, (I am not arguing against that, it is the way it is). I like Andrea and Dani's suggestion about choreographing it closely, but that does not solve the problem they pose of the chance of people in the party getting upset if they are not invited to dance after the couple "We were misled, etc....." . Anyway, I appreciate all of your suggestions and support. I now know that I am mostly alone in this kind of situation, but I am thankful for your help. God bless.

My first wedding to my ex-husband was exactly what you are describing for your wedding. We didn't have alcohol, no music, no dancing. It was at a local state park pavilion with a buffet meal (fried chicken. rigatoni, salads, etc). We ate, cut the cake, mingled a bit, then called it a day. Maybe a little over 2 hours. There were 32 attendees, so not a huge "party" crowd.
We did not do couples/parents dances, though. So, I can't tell you if that would start off other people dancing. But I can say that even though that type of wedding is rare, ours went off without a hitch, and everyone seemed happy enough with it.

View Quoted Comment

Yeah emcee would be a better word than DJ. I just mean someone who has a microphone to announce the wedding party's entrance, bride-and-groom's entrance, people giving speeches, etc. They or might have a friend or family member do that, but the person who does it can make-or-break the flow of a wedding.

I've been to great weddings with great DJs/emcees that moved things along without feeling rushed, where everyone was commenting on how perfect the flow felt. I've also been to a wedding with a horrible DJ, and people were standing around for 1.5 hours after dinner with nothing to do. It was an alcohol-free wedding with maybe 20 minutes of dancing at 9pm, when the reception had started at 5:30/6pm. The night felt like an eternity and people didn't know what to do, so a lot of them left early. Whether there's any dancing or not, someone to keep the reception moving is important. This is a short daytime wedding so it wouldn't be the same case, but still it might be helpful to have someone announce what event is next, especially like cake cutting and the bride and groom exit.

View Quoted Comment

I've never been to a wedding where any guest would "take over" and start dancing and "choosing music" without an announcement that the dance floor is open (or try to choose music in any scenario), and most people wouldn't expect an open dance floor with a short daytime wedding anyway, but you know your crowd better than anyone else. If your parents think this might be an issue based on who your guests are, I guess your fiance and parents will have to work it out?

It would seem weird to me to have the spotlight dances and then not invite others to get up and dance.

Just a note that I would not plan cake cutting as a distraction after the couple dances, if you end up deciding to have a dance for just the two of you. Cake cutting is considered the sign to guests that it's OK to leave so even though it should be obvious that it would be rude to go before the meal is served, I would not want to send that message.

The 2 hour length does not seem to create a big need to include dancing. I say this without knowing the schedule you have for the wedding and reception. One option is to sketch out an after-reception get-together.

For a slightly different perspective, I have been to early afternoon weddings where dancing was allowed but very few people danced. At one wedding they did the 1st dance with the bride and groom and the dances with the parents, but once the dance floor was "opened" nobody really got up to dance. They didn't have a professional dj, just someone playing music off their computer or iPod, and they didn't dim the lights or anything, so overall, I think that the atmosphere was not conducive to dancing. So your parents might be worried about something that's not going to be an issue.

If your parents aren't against dancing altogether, you might want to see if they'd be open to at least you and FS having a first dance. You could do a grand entrance, then your dance, and then go straight to food service after your dance, that way your dance is a special separate thing for the two of you. Once you serve food, people will probably forget all about dancing, especially if you don't have a professional dj, and you're mingling with your guests. If your parents are concerned about it being "showboat-y" you could do the special dances between the ceremony and reception or after the reception without the guests present. I'd lean towards between the ceremony and reception, because if you have a photographer, they'll be able to take pictures of the dances.

I've been to a wedding that only had the first dance and the parent dances. They did it right before dinner, so no one went right to the dancefloor. There were other activities--games, etc so it didn't seem like anything was missing.

But, my personal opinion is dancing is one of the best things about a wedding.

Most importantly is what you both want, even if parents are paying, it's your wedding day. Think about if no dancing is something you'll regret.

Whose wedding is it?? If it's your wedding and your husband wants to dance with friends and family, let him.

What do you and your fiancé want? Who is paying? Generally when parents pay, the couple doesn’t get any say. If you want something specific, be willing and able to pay for the wedding you want with your own money.


Is the no dancing due to religion or culture or something else? Some churches have restrictions against dancing and drinking, citing them as sins while their own religious texts say the opposite. But they are ok as long as they are done not on church’s property. On the flip side, many weddings don’t have dancing but they are considerably shorter, along the lines of cake and punch, socialize for 3 hours and go home. Dancing is almost never done at them and guests don’t expect there to be. We have been to 2 weddings similar to what you are describing but on opposite ends of the spectrum. The houses of worship didn’t allow dancing but parents didn’t have a say in the planning of either one. One had a cake reception at the church followed by dinner and dancing at the local Elks hall all night and the other stayed at the church and had a first dance only. Guests just ate, socialized, and went home, and no one expected anything beyond that.