Dad's Girlfriend Drama

Wow that's terrible. I feel that it is really inappropriate for her to be announced with your dad because she hasn't even been in your life for long.

Yes, she most certainly should. You are his daughter, and especially for your wedding, your thoughts come first and foremost. I think its completely appropriate that she's invited, but not announced. She's not been in YOUR life for very long.

It sounds like she is trying to play wifey. Not cool. So sorry you are having to go through this.

Yes she should respect your wishes. Its a bit ridiculous that a grown woman is upset that she won't be announced into the reception that has nothing to do with her. FH's dad passed away and his mom has a bf who will be sitting at the table. She told us she actually doesn't want him to be announced. FH and I were happy with the choice and told her we didn't want it either way. She is going to be announced with my mom and dad.

I would tell your dad that he needs to tell his gf to grow up. Maybe in a nicer way...

She sounds ridiculous. They aren't even engaged/married and, even if they were, she wasn't a close friend or "mother figure" to you.... there is NO reason for her to be announced. Based on her attitude, she probably won't around a year from now.... you certainly don't want her in your wedding video or photos.

Keep us posted on this one...

Of course she should respect your wishes, and she should respect your father enough not to have a fit. Call her bluff by not giving in. Either she'll stop pushing to be announced with your dad, or she'll do what she threatened to do and not come to your wedding. Either way, you win.

Um yeah, no. Girlfriend does not get to be announced in this cherished place of honor. I'm sorry, T. Keep us updated?

Ugh, I'm so sorry. My mom passed when I was 16, and my dad's wife and I do not get along at all. I'm not looking forward to dealing with her.

I think in your case, it's totally unreasonable for her to expect to be announced.

Yeah I would say that the only way she should even have any expectation to be announced is if she and your father are married or have been together for a number of years-- that is just the respectful thing to do since they are (pretty much) married. By the time FH's kids are old enough to be married, we will have been together for 12 years and married for 6. Even during the past five years I have grown substantially and been the best step-mom that I can be. I'm not perfect but I am better every day..... But one year? No.. I don't think so. Wonder if she is trying to fill the mom role or if she just wants to be the center of attention because it's a wedding. Either way she needs to roll back her feelings of entitlement. Also some of the responses on this thread are the reason I am so ready to be married to FH. So I'm not "just" his girlfriend. Even though we have been together for 5 years, I am still treated like some floozy who wants to try to steal the kids away from their mom. Nothing could be further than the truth but what OP is experiencing with her father's new gf is what people think of when the title "girlfriend" is brought up.

Instead of realizing that this is about announcing who is important to YOU, she seems to think it is about her relationship with your Dad. Maybe there's some insecurity there, and she sees this as a way to show/prove how serious they are? In any case, her expectations are totally inappropriate, and I would not give in.

^^ Agreed with Barbara. It may even be worth considering sitting down with her and explaining that it's not about her or even either of your parents. It's about you and FH's most important day of your lives, where you pledge your love to each other.. it's not the time or place to expect her to be announced on an equal level with your parents. Like I said, 1 year is a blink of an eye when compared to a lifetime.

It might be one thing if they had been together for a long time and this was a long term and possibly permanent thing. Then I could understand her feeling slighted and wanting to be acknowledged in some way. I know when I went to a family wedding with FH after dating him for over a year (we were already talking marriage and moved in shortly after) and FMIL wouldn't let me be in ANY of the family photos, even when FHs cousins then BF was allowed in nearly all of them and we were far more serious. It really hurt my feelings. Heck, we went to another wedding with his family just a couple months ago while engaged and she still tried to keep me out of the photos but this time FH put his foot down.

This is different than photos, a much bigger deal, and it doesn't even sound like they are that serious/long term. Hopefully she will see reason and if she does and behaves herself maybe you can try to throw her a bone by allowing her in some of the posed photos and just be sure to take ones without her as well in case she doesn't last.

A little over a year? Lots of people are engaged or married in less than a year. I suspect the length of the relationship has very little to do with this situation. Sounds more like you just don't like her. (Which is fine. It's your wedding, and you shouldn't have to announce her.)

Child > GF/BF

Always.

And that's coming from a future step-mother.

So how long would they have to be together before you would announce her? Or would they have to be married? How long would they have to be married for? I am just thinking that if my stepkids have the same feelings as you, I would be super pissed if they got married (and FH had been together for 12 years/ married for 6) and they didn't like me so they didn't announce me.

I can understand one year and her not being there when you were growing up, since I have been with FH and helped him raise his kids but that would still piss me off if they just didn't like me so I wasn't announced- since I'm not automatically thought of for announcements-- since I'm "just" the girlfriend/stepmom.

I totally understand your feelings on this.

But ultimately, is this worth getting this mad about? I may be alone in feeling this but it's just an announcement. "Brides father joe smith escorted by Jane jones".

I totally agree that your wishes should be respected, but to me, this wouldn't be worth this argument. I would say "sure whatever" and move on.

This may sound harsh but..

She's his girlfriend. Not a mother figure to you, not someone who has been on the scene a particularly long time (as in, long enough that she's quite clearly a fixture in your lives even if they aren't engaged/married) - she's being unreasonable demanding to be announced.

If they were engaged, announcing her would be at your/your dad's discretion.

If they were married or she had been around a while (a fixture in your lives), it would be polite to announce her regardless of feelings.

However, that's not the case. Do what YOU wish, but do speak to your dad about it - a small compromise may save him getting his ear chewed off so he can enjoy your day and not deal with her huffing.

ETA: Nicole brings up a good point about photos. Do duplicates. Ones with long term SOs included, then the same shot with purely family. FMIL attempted to do these (good thing too as her daughter had a nasty split with her then SO not long after, so she replaced the photo on the mantle with the "purely family" shot.)

Have you considered what you will do for pictures. My brother amd SIL both have long term S.O.s. I didnt want them in every family picture in case they dont stay together but I did want them in some cuz what if they do? That might be a good compromise when uou inevitably have issues over her being In wedding pictures. She probably wont understand but your dad would see you trying to make it work

Ashlee, I think time is irrelevant IF you and his children have a good relationship. If she and I were great friends and had a mutual respect for each other, this might not even be an issue. Unfortunately, that is not the case in my situation. I think it's a case by case thing.