Dad & stepdad walking down the isle... Dad is not happy

Yeahh i mean at the end of the day I am still getting married and If he chooses not to be there and they don't show up I already know that will be ties cut on that end. And two of my cousins are bridesmaids from that side of the family (my aunts daughters) my aunt told me they wouldn't be there it's just a big stressful situation

I had a really strained relationship with my dad growing up. There has never been a doubt in my mind that my step dad would be walking me down the aisle. I knew it would be an issue when I got engaged and told my dad that upfront. He never responded. So it's still really up in the air if he'll show up. Which I feel like ultimately is his choice, and I have no desire to change any of my plans to make him feel better about it. Especially not at the expense of my step dad. But I cannot even imagine the rest of that side of my family pulling that. They'll be there regardless. I'm sorry that you're having to deal with that. It definitely makes the situation harder.

I'm sorry to hear about yours too and it does. It makes it more stressful with his side of the family saying that.. As much as I want him to be there it really is his decision after I talk to him.. I just hope he chooses the right one.. Not too sure about that though

I'm sure he will come around . Maybe you should talk to him about why he feels so strongly about this . It sounds to me like it's been painful for him to watch someone else raise his daughter. If I were you I would reassure him that he is your only father. As someone who is divorced with children I can honestly say I'd be very hurt if one of my kids got married and gave my ex's wife the same status at the wedding as me.

I hope so and I do get both sides but I feel like since I was so young I had them both there and it's not my fault for what happened to their marriage I was also thinking maybe my stepdad can walk with me and then my dad take me from the halfway mark to give me away..

Hate to say it, but if your dad boycotting the wedding means that other relatives dont want to be their either, then sounds to me the wedding isn't that important to them.

could be they are bluffing to try and manipulate you into doing as your dad wants, but they have no right to do that either.

sound to me that it's best to just let them know that you hope they'll be there, but I would stand your ground on who walks you down the aisle. if people are going to act like children then treat them that way. dont give in to their tantrums. it's never a good idea.

who wants people that behave like that at their wedding when it comes down to it? doesn't sound like they have much to add, and they'd only be a problem.

Honestly people can be very subborn. If your one on one talk w/ him doesn't work send him & his side invitations anyway and its on them whether or not they come. This are some of the most frustrating & personal situations. Funny thing is its all pride & probably has a lot to do w/ them paying he already feels like hes not apart of it.

I am so sorry you are going through this as your wedding should be an amazing time!

If I were you I would tell your father that it's your wedding and it's about you and your future husband not him. He can either move past his pride and suck it up and walk you with your stepdad who has been a part of your life whether he likes it or not, or he can live with regret that he didn't walk his daughter down the isle for the rest of his life. I laid things out very straightforward with me family as not everyone gets along. I told them that I was inviting everyone and that if it was a problem they would have to figure it out amongst themselves. I will not choose between family and I will not pay for their past. You didn't ask for your stepdad to be a part of your life but he has been and out of respect for your your dad should deal with it. It's nothing but selfishness and pride.

I truly am sorry you are dealing with this!

It's your wedding and you can club baby seals if you want to lol you tell them what you want and it's up to them to figure out what they are going to do out of respect for you. This day is about your and your future husband, please don't let your father take that from you!

I am so sorry you are going through this manipulation! I will be in the same boat when I get married. I want both my dad and step-dad to walk me down the isle. I think this is a growing issue. This definitely should be about YOU and NOT him!! That infuriates me! I would like both of them to walk me down simultaneously. I don't know if that would be an option, but food for thought. Then one is not put superior to the other. Good luck!

Sounds like your step dad is getting the raw end of the deal. I have a similar situation (thank god no fights) because my fh and I both have godparents who really took over in our lives when our mothers left when we were little. We chose to give them each their own special separate moments in our wedding. I thought it would be disrespectful to ask my father and godfather to walk me down the aisle because it would look like one was not good enough to do it by themselves. We made our godparents an important part by one giving them their own tables of friends and family they chose close to us. My godfather will have a tux to match wedding party. My fh's godmother will be join me along with my bridesmaids in in the morning for hair and makeup (paid for by me) like she was the mob. The godparents will also have their own separate songs and dances with us. Just remember each person wants to feel appreciated and when you just lump them together, they don't feel appreciated.

Sorry you're having to deal with that. I know it can be tricky with parents and step parents. I wouldn't let parents force you to change who you want to have special parts in your wedding, especially walking down the aisle. It sounds like both men have been very important to you and should have an important role. That being said, Im choosing to do a "hand off" my step will walk be up to basically where the chairs start and where my dad will be waiting. There they'll shake hands and switch. My sister had done this and I thought it was really beautiful and respectful of both my dad and step dad and it was visible to all the guests since it is outdoors. But again you should do it the way you want.

First of all, I totally agree with those who say the day is about you (and your FH) and not your dad. It gets really old hearing the stories of overbearing parents. However, not knowing the full family dynamic of your situation, I have a knee jerk reaction in favor of your father because of my FH's situation with his daughters. My FH's daughters pretty much told him to get f*ed when he left their mom- they were 15, 17, and 19 years old. He was very close to them prior to leaving; their mom poisoned them against him. When the middle one graduated from HS, she had her mom's boyfriend escort her during the ceremony instead of FH. It crushed him that his daughter refused to acknowledge his presence in the crowd while having his ex's bf take the father's role. While I know your situation is different because your step dad has been in your life for a long time, I still have some sympathy for your father. I think your idea of having your dad and step dad each walk half way is the best solution.

Although I don't feel that your father's reaction was appropriate I do understand him wanting to walk you down the aisle. I struggled with a similar situation involving my bio mom and stepmom. My bio mom was always around but I was raised by my grandparents. My stepmom has been around since high school and has physically and financially supported me more than bio mom BUT at the end of the day my view is that my bio mom is my mom and I want her to have the honor of doing the mother of the bride things. My stepmom will still be involved and acknowledged and she completely gets it. Maybe your stepfather would also. But again it is completely your decision and you should not let anyone pressure you one way or another.

I didn't read the previous comments, just your post. My stepdad and I are very close, but there is no way I would take this moment away from my father...he will be walking me down the aisle and my stepdad will walk my mom. I know my dad would have been incredibly hurt if I asked him to share this moment.

My dad, also is not contributing money to the wedding, but FH and I asked him not to even mention it. Its not about which father figure "bought" the right to walk you down the aisle...let your dad have this. My stepdad, like I said, will walk my mom and I split the two of them into their own tables, but Mom and Stepdad will be at Table 1, FILs at Table 2 and dad at Table 3

I'm going to have this situation when my daughter gets married. With FH and I getting married, she's talked a little about what she would want. Initially she wanted to have her dad walk her and FH do the dance (even though he doesn't dance). Then it became each walking her partway down the aisle. Now it's leaning more towards FH doing the role of dad. He's been there since she was 7, and has pretty much helped raise her. Her bio dad is across country and in the early years I paid for her to visit him round-trip twice a year. Things got bad and visitation got changed. He can't afford to pay his part now. Does he keep in contact with her? Not really. He might call on or near her birthday, and somtimes on or near Christmas. At 17 she's seen the writing on the wall. We do keep in touch with his family though. It's not their fault our marriage didn't work out.

Sorry that was long. I totally understand and you need to do what YOU want. His family's reaction is just plain stupid.

Thank you guys.. I will be having a talk with him and laying everything on the table with how I fee and what I want and see where it goes maybe it will come to a comprising maybe he will decide not to come. But I would hope that wouldn't do that this has been the most stressful week and I'm just ready for it to be behind me and solved I appreciate everyone's comments and advice

I have to disagree with Maltese (this like never happens...) I don't think you should just let your dad walk you down the aisle by himself. A parent needs to earn that by actually being a father. My dad left us when I was 6 and my older sister was 7. He moved across the country and we maybe saw him once a month for a few years, and then once or twice a year after that. He wasn't there for us emotionally or physically and we have almost no relationship right now. I can't even remember the last time we talked on the phone and I haven't seen him in over three years.

My sister had our mom walk her down the aisle three years ago, but she chose to do a dance with her godfather (our uncle). They have a really close relationship and he's always been there for both of us. But she made the mistake of not telling our dad about this. Apparently, our dad threw a fit. I didn't witness it but heard about it later. He left the reception immediately and him and my sister only very recently started talking again.

The point is that my dad didn't earn the right to walk me or my sister down the aisle or to do a spotlight dance at our weddings. Yes, he is our bio dad, and he at least lived in the same house as us for a few years, but that's it. He doesn't get any automatic privileges just because he provided the genetic material to create us.

Every family situation is different. You need to find a way to do this that all parties are at least comfortable with, and that you feel honors the people who raised you. There's no one right answer. I do agree with other posters that boycotting your wedding is awful and extreme, so I hope he and his family comes around. I really hope you guys can come to a compromise about this.

I feel the same way that he doesn't have the right of way because of all the times i invited him to my things like cheering and school stuff he told me he would be there and then he wouldn't show... he never called me unless i called him and he did show up at my high school graduation, but he wast there emotionally either the way my step dad was. I got onto homecoming court my senior year i told my dad i wanted him to walk my down the 50 yard line... he didn't show, and my step dad walked me down instead. its just things like that, that stick with me and hurt.

I will hopefully be meeting up with him this weekend if he shows to get to a compromise. I love my dad and my step dad and i want to honor them both. Thank you Lori, and yay for June brides haha!

I just read how he's copped out on you so many times- did he have any real explanation for his behavior?

I read about all that and my jaw just dropped. He should feel lucky you're letting him walk you down the aisle at all!

I say just do what you want to do, and he can just get over it. sounds like he's got problems and there's nothing you can do about that part. you may be better off if he and his bunch just stays home!

what is it about some people that assume just because you share genes they automatically get certain rights no matter what? sheesh!

He hasn't told me but he told his sister the reason why he didn't go was because my step dad was going to be there.. Childish right? It's not about him in any of those situations if you ask me. My mom said the same thing that he better appreciate the fact that I want him in it. But I think you are right and I appreciate it thank you!