Dad & stepdad walking down the isle... Dad is not happy

Does anyone ever get tired of their parents dictating how their wedding will be? What kind of parent tells their child if you do X, I won't be there. This is YOUR day, not his and I think it is great you want to involve your step-dad, especially if he has been part of your life since you were very young. I would just tell your Dad that you understand his views, but that both him and your step dad have played an important role in your life and you would like them both to give you away. If he chooses to whine about it and not show up, well I guess you know how he truly feels about your relationship. No parent should make their child choose.

Tell him you love him AND your step/father. You want them both to be part of your day and leave it at that. If he won't walk you he can be a guest; his loss.

I sure know I get tired of it... I think it's selfish on his part and my aunt (his sister) to tell me that all of them wouldn't be there.. Of course they all know that I am a people person and I want everyone to be happy.. I am dreading having this talk with him about it bc I think I know deep down what the outcome will be.

What a bummer for you. Someone who saw you 4 days a month for your whole childhood doesn't have the humility to admit that someone else is also a father figure? You're handling it much better than I would by trying to figure out how to make him happy. I would have flashed on him and said, "This is the plan. If you're not interested in being involved, don't let the door hit you on the way out." As for a solution, maybe one can do the aisle, and the other can do the father/daughter dance?

You could have one walk half way with you and hand you off to the other. What about walking down with one and dancing with the other. He needs to grow up and realize your step dad was a huge part of your life also.

Can you walk down the aisle with your dad, and share a father/daughter dance with both of them? I find it hard to imagine that your father would miss his own daughter's wedding over this....

I was going to do a father/daughter dance with both of them, and of course dance with my dad first. I was thinking about one walks me down half way too. My step dad is pretty chill about it towards me but I know it upsets him as well. I just have to talk to my dad about my plan and hopes that he comes to a compromise.. His side of the family are putting me in a horrible position and making have an ultimatum.. Which isn't fair to me with something that happened 20 years ago and it's none of my business what happened back then anyways.. I guess it's just too much for me to ask for him to think about me for once instead of himself. Thank you ladies for helping me with my rant!

When you talk to him, I would mention on how choosing to not come to the wedding over this makes you less likely to want him to walk you down the aisle, since he doesn't seem to want to be there at all.

If you want to compromise you could walk by yourself or have your mom do it.

I told him Sunday out of being upset I would have my brother walk me down. That makes me feel like my stepdad gets the sh** end of the stick..

I grew up somewhat the same and have a very close relationship with my step dad even though he and my mom are no longer together. My father is very thankful that we grew up with my step dad, who was able to step in the moments he wasn't. They are actually great friends now. I think your dad is acting childish. This is about you and what you want. My dad will be walking me down initially and my step dad will meet us halfway.

See I like the halfway thing too that maybe he will go with that. I couldn't agree with you more that he is being childish he is putting his feeling first and not caring that he is pretty much ripping me in half is what it feels like. I'm glad I have people to be able to talk to about this

Oh Brittany, that's terrible. He is being seriously immature - I know you're trying to make everyone happy, but what do you want? I grew up with just my mum, and my dad only came back into the picture on and off after I was about 5, but he's lived interstate since I was 16. It's really tough.

If he's going to be an arse about it, I think you have every right to speak your mind to him (even if you think it's mean).

Ugh. I'm sorry you're going through this

Thank you Tru.. It really has put more stress on me than anything.. I shouldn't be stressing about this! What I want is to have them on either side of me and walk me down. Because I was so little when my step dad came into my life and he is just as much as a father figure to me as my dad. I feel like I'm just going to have to be utterly blunt to him.. I feel like that's the only way it will open his eyes.. And I am just in fear that him and the rest of my dad's side of the family won't show bc it's not what he wants. So frustrating

Tell dad to grow up because the day isn't about HIM.

Thank you! Ha he has a good way of making it about him. But I couldn't agree with you more

I love it when grown adults act like children.

If your Dad can't respect your wishes and put his own feelings aside for YOUR big day, that's on him! You are doing nothing wrong.

Thank you very much I needed to hear that because it makes me feel like I am and my aunt had the nerve to tell me that if I don't let my dad walk me down by himself then when he's not on the earth anymore I am going to look back and regret my decision.. They are really cutting out my heart strings is what it feels like and this should be a happy and exciting day to me and they are making me stressed and scared for the day to come.

These stories always break my heart. 'do it my way or I won't be there' he has no real reason to make such a demand on you and he knows it.

Personally I don't see how you have much of a choice other than telling him that this is your choice, and there's nothing wrong with asking both of these men to walk you down the aisle.

what is it about weddings that make parents want to compete for the roles that make them feel more important than someone else?

so not right to do this to you.

if he chooses not to come because of this, then that's his choice. it's not your fault no matter how much some people may make you feel that it is-

as for the rest of his family, he can't really speak for them. even if he says they won't come, you don't know they really feel that way- if you're concerned about what they might do, then I suggest you speak directly to them. never a good idea to listen to a relative speaking on someone else's behalf.

I hope your dad comes around and stops acting like a child. if he doesn't, then he doesn't. it will be his choice and his mistake if he doesn't attend!

Wow i loved that thank you! And I called my grandmother today (his mom) and she flat out told me that she did say that they wouldn't be there of my dad wasn't going to be and so did my aunt so I know that part is true and selfish. I will be meeting with just him this weekend to

Talk to just him and try to sort it out. And actually venting about it gave me more confidence to know what I want to say to him. I will admit that when it comes to family I just let my emotions and other peoples feelings get the better of me and that's what I need to work on and speak my mind.

Yikes. I would go on without him. And his side of the family if they are going to do that to you.