Dad and Stepmom strike again... mostly a vent but looking for opinions

Be the better person. Invite them. Inform them of what you are doing every step and they cant say I didn't know. It is obvious that personalities do not mesh here but don't let that bring you down. My XSIL and I always went to my mothers house with a flask in our purse. Nothing made my mother happy except talking about everyone and anyone. I remember many family functions that we would sneak off to my XSIL suite case and have a couple shots and go back out laughing and not even remember why we took a breather.

They all sound like a bunch of assholes. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I would invite them because agreed with PP, if you dont you'll never hear the end of it. Just ignore them if you can. I know easier said than done. Good luck!

These people sound exhausting. I wouldn't invite them and would not put forth anymore effort in trying to pursue a relationship with them. It's just going to take a toll on your mental health.

Invite them, knowing that they won't come and be prepared for that. Your wedding day will be amazing without them in it. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Some people are just shitty.

I'm torn on whether you should or shouldn't invite them. On one hand I say yes, invite them because like pp mentioned if you dont, you won't hear the end of it. On the other hand, I say hell no don't invite them. Their behavior is wrong, wrong, wrong. It's your wedding don't let what they say influence how you plan your day. There is a 50/50 chance that they won't come to the wedding if they can't make it to your graduation. All I can do is smh at this behavior of theirs.

I'm sorry you are going thru this. I am going thru some serious issues with my mom, but I am still inviting her. Not really for her, but more for me so I'll never regret it and so I don't have to deal with not inviting her. I don't expect her to show but if she does then so be it. If they are as nasty as they seem to be they wont show up anyway. If they do just try to block them out as much as possible. Focus on your FH and enjoy your day.

I'm so sorry Voegs I don't have much advice beyond what PPs have offered but I know it just straight up sucks ass having family issues especially during wedding time when you want everything to be easy and happy. I'll be thinking about you, I hope everything turns out okay.

I agree with @Richard and @Kate. I think at this point still invite them but you are not obligated to discuss any wedding talk with them. You will be enjoying everything else during your wedding day to actually notice them. It is always better to take the high road even when you don't want to because in the end at least you know you did everything you could to make things work. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this.

I remember our old standby for an (ahem) awful present. "Isn't that interesting!". Or "oh you shouldn't have!". Or "thank you so much for thinking of me!"

When faced with a comment about putting in windows instead of celebrating you graduation, that may be all you're left with. With a smile (not SM's snark!) "well doeasnt that sound interesting! I'm looking forward to celebrating all the hard work I've put into getting my degree. Have a great time with your windows!"

That doesn't help with the invite question. Just that the high road and a smile will always put you on top.

I agree with Kate. You're not condoning their behavior by inviting them, but by not inviting them, you are severing ties, especially with a large wedding. Unless you want to cut your father out of your life forever, you need to either invite him and his family or elope and don't invite anyone. You can't have a 150-person wedding, not invite your father, and think that things will ever work out between you two.

So sorry you're dealing with this. I went through something similar leading up to my wedding. My dad ditched my graduation too, for a Blackhawks game!

@Kate and @Richard nailed it. If you're ready to permanently sever ties, don't invite them. Otherwise, you'll want to suck it up and invite them. You won't notice them day of. Promise. My dad showed up drunk to my wedding, tripped over my dress when he walked me down the aisle, and stormed out at 8:30 b/c he didn't like that we did a dance to honor my mom after I danced with him. I still have nothing but fantastic memories of my wedding. He wasn't even a blip on my radar that day! I will say that now we have permanently severed ties (over an incident that happened post wedding) and it's honestly been such a stress relief, so I really think there's something to be said for removing toxic people from your life.

I have been thinking about writing letters to them. The strained relationship has been going on since my dad married my stepmom when I was 13. I've always felt like the Cinderella of the family, complete with the ugly stepmothers and sisters. I know for sure they would hang this over my head forever if I don't invite them, but at this point, they don't add anything to our relationship or my life. There was a period of about a year after I turned 18 that I didn't even speak or talk to them. I tried to salvage my relationship with them after I had my daughter, but they've been the farthest thing from grandparents towards her aside from buying her presents on holidays. I'm almost at the point that I only want to invite my dad and leave the rest behind, and past the wedding I've also considered telling them that I would like a relationship with my dad but not with them going forward. My dad is so brainwashed by this woman though that he won't even meet me out for a lunch unless she can come with, which we had tried to set up but the day we were supposed to meet we didn't even hear from them. I agree with pp's that I should invite them just so they can't hang it over my head. You guys are right, I'll probably have minimal interaction with them IF they even show up. Thanks for all of your kind words, everyone!

That's so terrible. I'm sorry. Planning a wedding is stressful enough and to have this type of drama is not at all what you need. Since it's your dad, step mom and step siblings, I would still send the invitation. If you do not your relationship will likely get so much worse. I realize it's not wonderful now.......and you don't want the drama on the day of.

Congratulations on your upcoming college graduation!!!! That's very exciting!

BTW - your daughter sounds so sweet.

Thanks, @Melissa! She is so super sweet and I felt terrible that she had felt like she had done something wrong. She was totally picking up on the sarcasm and the tense vibe that was going on. It's sad when a 7 year old has more regard for feelings than my 50something-year-old parents!

So sorry you're going thru this! If I were you I would still invite them just to be the bigger person. And who knows maybe they won't show up. And like @Kathryn said, on your day you'll be so busy you'll hardly notice them. Good luck OP!

That's awful and I'm sorry that they keep putting you through that. My gut reaction would be not to invite them, but knowing that they would likely hold it over your head forever, I would probably end up inviting them. But I think you should actually decide if these relationships are important enough to keep putting yourself through this. If you've been making an effort consistently with your dad and he is not reciprocating, is it worth it to keep pursuing to you? If these people consistently make you feel awful about your decisions, are there any redeeming qualities to the relationship to make it worth suffering through? I think you should write the letters, but don't send them, take some time to see how what you wrote feels and let that guide your decision of whether or not to invite them or keep them in your life. You don't want to make any decision too hastily and risk it negatively impacting your life and your daughter's life.

This is a bad situation. But I do think you're going to have to invite them as others have said. To not will most likely mean that connection will be lost forever, even if it is hanging on by a thread.

I've had my share of crazy family trouble where I thought some of them would never make up. But miracles happen, and they did.

And also as others have said, most couples are so busy on their day they usually only have a couple minutes to greet everyone...so I don't think it will be a huge deal. Also, if you're doing a seating chart...just have them further away...lol.

This may be an UO, but I think you should invite them and leave it at that. Do not invite them to anything else having to do with the wedding though. If you want any kind of relationship with them, not inviting them will ruin any and all chances you will have with them. It may be your stepmom that is causing all the issues and since you dad is with her, he may just be bowing to her wishes, but may secretly want to see his little girl get married. If they don't come, oh well, you tried!!!

See if your venue lets you give a number under what you expect to appear. For instance, mine said "If you get 40 yeses, you know someone will get sick that day and only 36 will come, but you will have to pay for 40. If you tell me 36, but 40 come, you just pay the difference that night". I don't know if it is feasible for you to do that but, if you can, you definitely wont be out any money if they don't show.

I would invite them. If you don't invite them to the wedding you are cutting off any scrap of a potential relationship that is left. Invite them, but don't include them in anything beyond that or talk with them about it. Sorry you have to deal with this!

This too much!!!!! They're bringing too much stress