Dad and Stepmom strike again... mostly a vent but looking for opinions

Then we started talking about bridal parties, and my stepsister mentioned that one of her friends is having 8 people on each side of their wedding party. I commented that I thought that was a large wedding party, they asked how many people we were having. I told them 4, and listed of my girls names. My stepmom makes a snarky comment, “so are you even having any family in the wedding?” to which I responded no, that FH and I decided not to have any family in the ceremony. She says, “don’t expect anything from us in return”. Never did. Sidebar… I have decided to have my daughter walk me down the aisle. If anyone is “giving me away”, it is her, and I feel that having her walk me is most representative of our little family unit. I have been trying for months to meet my dad out for lunch so I could discuss this with him and let him know that this is not a dig at him and I’m not doing it to spite him.

Well, we’ve never gotten together. So after the bridesmaid comment, my daughter blurts out, “and I’m walking my mom down the aisle!!”. My step mom looks at her, scoffs again, and says, “well isn’t that nice”, very snotty. My daughter asked me later if they were upset that she said something, and she felt bad about it. Nice, right?! So anyways, I hadn’t visited them or talked wedding with them since then. So a couple of weeks ago, I run into my stepmom and stepsister at Walmart. We’re having casual conversation, catching up, and I ask if they will be making it to my college graduation in May. My stepmom says, “We won’t be making it. My dad’s coming to visit that weekend and we’re putting in new doors”. WHAT?! So new doors are more important than your kid’s college graduation? So after letting it eat away at me for 4 days, I sent my dad a text. He works third shift, so I am not able to call him on the phone during our talking hours. I explained what my stepmom had said and asked if it was true.

His response was that yes, it was true, her dad would be here that weekend, and then says, “well we still haven’t heard anything about the wedding so I guess we must not be a part of it”. I nicely let him know that is why I have been trying to get him to go out to lunch with me, so we could talk about things. He replies asking if I am inviting his estranged brother and sister in law. Totally avoiding answering my question. I replied, I am not inviting them, but if I were, would it make a difference? And he never responded. I was and am still upset. They loosely invited us over for Easter, as they had a basket for my daughter. We did not come, because she was sick for 3 days with a stomach bug, and I let them know that.

Yesterday, my stepmom messaged me asking if “we had the time yet” to come get her basket. So we went there yesterday, and it was so cold and awkward, that we left within 15 minutes. My dad and stepsister didn’t say a word to me. I just don’t know what to do. I can understand that my dad is hurt over my decision of not having him walk me, however, our relationship has always been super strained and it just doesn’t feel right. At this point, I don’t even know if I want them there on our day. I feel like it is going to be cold, awkward, and dramatic. I just don’t know what to do.

I wouldn't even invite these people. I'm sorry.

I wouldn't even invite these people. I'm sorry.

Oh your family is trash. Cancel their invite. That's guaranteed wedding day stress you don't need.

These people sound awful. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I think if I were in your shoes, I would not bother to invite them. It sounds like it will make your day much more stressful than it should be because they can't seem to even pretend to be happy for you.

I agree, I wouldn't invite them. Toxic people have no place at a wedding (or anywhere really), family or not.

Did you send STDs? I think with the amount you've talked to them about the wedding (even if they were shitty about it) you should invite them and let them sit in the family section, but I would cut off any wedding talk and try to let go of any expectations of them to do anything but sit quietly at the wedding like adults. I wouldn't want the drama of not inviting them, all you have to give them on your wedding day is 60 seconds of your smiling face to thank them for coming then enjoy your day with all of those who can enjoy it without being petty and bitter.

This is so sad, i cannot believe that they are acting like that, just don't have them there, you will have that problem in your mind in your wedding day when all that you should be doing is enjoy!

I also wouldn't invite them. That's ridiculous, and I wouldn't want the drama on the day. If I were you, I'd look at severing those ties.

I would invite them just cause if you dont it will be held over your head forever. But dont talk wedding to them at all or even communicate with them aNd hopefully they wont show up.

I'm sorry you're having so much trouble with your family. I'm sure it's hard to know they are so unsupportive. Take a step back and re-evaluate your relationship with them. Is there anything positive in the relationship? Are these people you really want in your life, even after the wedding? Honestly, you may realize that it's worth distancing yourself from these people, even if you don't want to completely cut off contact.

Family is so odd sometimes. If things don't change, I wouldn't invite them. Anybody who attempts to drag down every exciting moment doesn't deserve an invite. Blood relation, imo, means I have higher expectations for you and the way you treat me than friends. I'm sorry you're going through this OP.

I wouldn't even give them an invite at this point. I'm sorry you have to go through this I definitely know what it's like to have family like this and it's not easy.

They seems fun. Don't bother discussing it with them and don't invite them.

Inviting someone because if you don't they'll treat you even worse forever is a BAD reason to invite them. Toxic people don't belong at happy, celebratory events

I'm so sorry this family tension is hanging over you as you prepare for your big day! I agree with @Kate, though. If you don't invite them it will only make the tension worse, and possibly ruin your chances of truly reconciling with them in the future. Weddings have a way of bringing people together, and I'm certain when your dad sees you marry the love of your life, he will soften. Just try to let go of the bad feelings and know that you are doing the right thing in being the bigger person!

At this point, I would stop thinking about how your decisions might hurt their feelings since they clearly have no regard for your feelings.

Sit down and reflect on how YOU would feel 10 years from now if you didn't invite this part of your family to your wedding. Think about what sort of relationship YOU want to have with these family members in the future. Think about your two choices: to invite them or not to invite them. Which one makes you feel relieved and which one stresses you out.

And remember, just because they're "family" doesn't mean they belong at your wedding (or in your life for that matter). Relationships take work from both sides. And right now, it seems like you're the only one doing any work.