Cutting Guests after Save the Dates

This happened to my husband and I once pre-Covid (received a save the date and no invitation because they decided to cut us from their guest list) and it definitely ruined our friendship. We no longer speak this couple, and have no plans on doing so in the future. It also caused all of our mutual friends to turn against this couple as well, because we told them what happened and everyone thought it was so rude. So they basically lost not only us as friends, but all of our mutual friends as well. I wouldn't recommend doing this unless your reason for doing so is clearly related to Covid restrictions, not due to drifting apart.

View Quoted Comment I agree with Hanna. If you need to cut down your guest list due to COVID, I think it would be understandable to let them know that gathering restrictions are forcing you to limit your plans, and that you cannot invite them anymore because of that. However, if uninviting them just because you changed your mind, it is typically considered rude, and I wouldn't recommend it. If you still invite them and they mutually don't feel as close to you, they might decline the invite. Or, if they decide to attend, it might restart the friendship, which wouldn't be a bad thing!

I agree with the others that reducing your guest list between sending save the dates and invitations is only acceptable when it's for COVID-restriction reasons. Anything else (e.g., we've just grown apart) is poor form.

If you really don't like them and are OK with the friendship ending, then go ahead and uninvite them. But definitely let them know as soon as possible so they can unsave the date. Reaching out to them however you normally communicate with them is fine.

If you have to cut them, then you need to let them know somehow. It's more of a bad move on your part by ignoring it. Send them a cancellation.

If you are okay with the friendship completely ending then I don't see why not, if you don't want the friendship to end but you still want to uninvite them you could say due to COVID restrictions you were forced to cut down your list.

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I am sorry that happened! I should've put a little more context behind the people because I probably should've taken them off the list initially. They're all people that the blogs and articles list to take off, like a few co-workers I haven't talked to in a few years, friends of the parents that don't keep in touch, etc.

But, you all make good points so I'll just live with it and deal with COVID restrictions if they come.

Thank you!

Leave them on your list. Hope that because they rarely see you any more, they decline. If they don't, be a good host to them.
And tell everyone, when asked, that everyone need not get an advance Save the Date, only key people who might truly have difficulty with the usual 8 week invitation. And in General they should be sent be 4 to 6 months in advance. You are asking people to decline all other invitations, when you STD way out, and if they did that even once, you need to honor your commitment.

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Thank you Judith! That is very helpful. I definitely wish I would've known that before ordering Save the Dates twice.

Hopefully they realize it would be awkward, too. Unfortunately, I think you’ve got to invite them, just like everyone said. I’m in the SAME boat, and having sent the invites in November 2019, it feels weird to have certain people coming when our interactions are super limited. We did have a few people originally reply “yes”, but when we sent out an update email, they had an excuse to decline. Fine by us! Don’t feel bad that your friendships/relationships have changed though. Covid has changed everything, and I’m sure they understand your intentions from your original save the date. If they’re uncomfortable, they won’t come. If they come, don’t be uncomfortable ☺️

We sent our STDs months before Covid hit. Then we realized we were going to have to postpone. I emailed as many as I could about the postponement and called the rest.
But now we're finally back on, but we've had to rethink the whole thing because Covid restrictions still exist. We've decided to have a micro wedding with only 20 guests. I haven't reached out to everyone yet about the change in guest list. But my family and I are spreading the word that it's not going to happen as originally planned. Most people have been very understanding.

We sent save the dates and then had to postpone the wedding. There were a few on the list that I sort of regretted inviting because they weren't really close (but I did like them), and then the pandemic made it even more weird since that's another year of no contact. We thought we would have to cut back the invites to comply with capacity restrictions, but we actually can invite everyone now so we did (rather than send something about reducing). I just sent out all the invites and one of the people who I was thinking is more on the periphery now has declined, so I guess it worked out. It totally would have been fine if she came, but I'm sure she was feeling the distance too. It's a bit of a gamble, I suppose, but my thought is that people who are more distant are more likely to decline a wedding in a pandemic (I know I would).

We didn't send save the dates to people we ended up cutting, but we did ask them for their addresses so that we could, but didn't. Luckily, I think a lot is more acceptable during these times. You can literally blame everything on Covid. We cut down our original list, and we simply tell everyone that we have to be selective due to restrictions that we're having to work around.

If you've already sent these people save the dates, I would probably reach out and explain why they won't receive an invitation. Mainly because some of those guests may still show up not realizing that they were cut if they aren't addressed.

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I agree with Morgan, if there if one good thing about planning during Covid, it gave you an "out" in this situation!

I'd say to just let them know. Honestly, they probably won't be very surprised or disappointed with the way things are. Heck, I received an invitation and a then a "change of plans" e-mail a week later because of changed guidelines. I couldn't be upset because I knew it was completely out of their hands.