Cutting guest list due to a budget ruined by covid

Following.... :/

When we were contemplating if we would need to cut our guest list here's what we did:

we both took a copy of the list and highlighted in yellow the ones we absolutely had to have with us on our day. Then in pink we highlighted the ones we really wanted. Finally in orange we highlighted the ones that, while yes, we would love to have them there if everything worked out, but ultimately our day would still be complete (like extended family that we only see once every 10 years, work acquaintances that we really don't see outside of work, etc). From there we recompiled the list with the max number of people we might be able to have by filling in all the yellow ones first, then adding the pink ones, and finally as space allowed the ones off the orange list that we both agreed on. We felt crappy having to basically rank our friends and family, but love in the time of covid creates extenuating circumstances and we can only work within the boundaries the venue will allow.

Luckily, our county is not restricting guest counts below what our full list included so we did not need to use the modified guest list and recently sent out the invites for our full list.

View Quoted Comment Thats what my fiancé wants to avoid is ranking friends, when it’s pretty clear who we have a closer bond with.


So I guess you send out the invites to VIP and people you really want there first before sending out other invites?

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It's not ideal to have to rank your family and friends, but other than making it a family only ordeal and having none of our friends, we couldn't see another way for it to work. We actually did all of our guest list editing before we sent out our invites. We had stopped sending out our save the dates when the shutdowns started and had only given out about a third of them at that time to our family so we didn't have to uninvite anyone. But our plan was to if needed send the invites up to the max number of attendees allowed by the venue at the time and if we received declines send out additional ones working down the edited list. We were going to include a card in the ones that were going to be in the second group of invites stating something along the lines of due to covid restrictions we had to initially limit the amount of people who could attend our festivities, but current venue limits allowed us to open our guest list more and we would love to have you celebrate with us.

Although we didn't end up having to cut our list we did include a card in our regular invites saying that we completely understand if people felt uncomfortable about travelling or attending a group gathering that we would be happy to find time after the festivities to celebrate with people on a smaller scale (dinner out, game nights, etc so none of our guests feel obligated to come. So far...Our invites have only been out 2 weeks and we already have 1/3 of our guest list confirmed that they are coming with only 4 people declining and our RSVP deadline isn't until August 1.

I'm sorry, this is a really tough situation.
I know you said your fiancè wants to avoid ranking friends, but you will have to do that to make decisions on who to cut. Obviously you never have to tell anyone which friends/relatives fell into each category. And the cuts don't necessarily have to all be your friends, some of them can come from your parents and your future in-laws lists as well. Also, it's probably best to categorize people by group, and then rank the groups. So if you have one group of 5 friends that always hang out together, you either invite all 5 or you don't invite any. People are less likely to feel excluded if no one close to them was invited than if they were left out but everyone else they know got to go.
For better or worse, I think it's highly unlikely that things will be back to normal by December*, which means you will be able to use COVID related worries and not financial issues caused by COVID as your reason, which s should be easy for people to understand. I think you have two realistic logistical options for limiting your guest list.
One, you do an A list and a B list. Send out invitations to the most important 2/3 of the list 10-12 weeks before the wedding with an RSVP date 5-6 weeks before. Then as people start to RSVP no, you can send out invitations to the remaining 1/3 of the guests with an RSVP date 2-3 weeks before the wedding.

Two, you invite the most important 2/3 of the list to the wedding, and for everyone else you invite them digitally. Send cards to the 1/3 saying, "due to the coronavirus, we were forced to make some changes to our wedding, including the number of people we have physically present on that day. If you would like to experience our ceremony from a safe distance, here's a Zoom meeting ID. We look forward to seeing you in person some time soon." Then you set up the phone/computer near the front of the ceremony so the people who were left out can't see exactly how many people are there, and you actually make an effort to have dinner or something with those people later on.

*In places that were hit badly early on (like where I am in the northeast) people are already acting differently, and it seems semi-permanent. In places that weren't as bad early on, it's getting worse now, which will change people's behavior.

Because you sent save the dates, and people are ostensibly holding that date, I do think you should let the people that you won't be inviting sooner rather than later. People will understand drastic changes in plans due to COVID, so, I wouldn't worry so much about how to do it/what to say. Make your new list and call the people you have to cut. You will feel better once this bit is settled.

Yes, definitely let people know sooner rather than later so that people don't book hotels or flights (or even just block off a day of their schedules) for a wedding they are no longer invited to. You don't need to formally rank your friends and family, but you will need to prioritize your guest list based on who you can't imagine your day without. Instead of trying to cut people start with just you and your fiance and add guests from there then stop when you get close to your magic number. Just reach out to your uninvited guests personally and say that you're truly sorry, but due to the coronavirus you've been forced to downsize your guest list. They are so important to you and you'd love to celebrate with them one on one at a later date, but you could not have foreseen the epidemic. If you like, you can invite guests to a livestream of the wedding via Zoom.

We are in a similar situation except it’s us who’s financial status change due to COVID-19. It really sucks! But we tried to make the most of it because just like you mentioned about not wanting your parents to go into debt, we are feeling the same way about ourselves. So we are going to do a small ceremony on our original date at our venue and then having our reception next year at our venue as a first anniversary celebration. This way we can still invite everyone to the reception and have plenty of time to save some money! We are just doing close family and friends (basically our bridal group) for our ceremony this is such a frustrating time and I’m sending good vibes your way! Good luck!

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Thats actually a good idea - as far as visually being able to see everything. I mean I get not wanting to rate friends and family but if you have to pick and choose then you have to pick and choose unfortunately. Thanks for the input!

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That's what I was thinking... that way if out of those people anyone couldnt come you can fill in the gaps with the other people?

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Yes, I agree. Those are all really great Ideas. I think we will probably end up doing a combination of those two options. Probably the nicest way of "cutting" people.

We are in Orlando and our wedding is in West Palm Beach, so as everything is seeming to get back to normal here, I am from NY and a lot of my family is still there in the northeast and Chicago, so I know things for them are a lot different up there than here.

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Yes, I agree. I think we need to just get the ball rolling and stop stressing about it.

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Yes, we have decided to do the zoom, which I think will help! We have elderly family members too that probably now wont come either way because of COVID, so that will be nice for them to be apart of it.

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That is a really good idea! I never thought of that! I will definitely keep that in mind as we get closer in case things get worse with everything

Like everyone has said, it's going to be tough so eventually you've just got to rip the band-aid off! Your guests will understand, this health crisis has upended everything!!

I also think the advice about friend & family groups is great! Whenever you can make clear distinctions like that it feels a little easier!

You can also check out this article which has great tips: How Do I Downsize My Guest List if I’ve Postponed My Wedding? and this forum post from another bride who dealt with a similar situation: You are uninvited letter.

View Quoted Comment Oh awesome! Thanks so much I Will definitely read those