Cousin attending bachelorette but not wedding?!

It's possible she's not available on your wedding date to fly across the country, but is available for the bachelorette and wants to celebrate something with you.

You're making a lot of assumptions here.

I had to attend pre wedding event but not a wedding once. It may not be just the distance, it may also be the date that is making it an issue. In my case, the wedding was a day I had to work and couldn't feasibly make it. The pre-wedding stuff (shower, bach party) were able to be scheduled a bit easier.

Remember your wedding isnt as important to others as it is to you. Take what you get and move on.

I don't think it's rude. You don't know what her schedule or her finances are like. Maybe she knows she can definitely get time off of work in August, but isn't sure about September. Maybe flights are a lot more expensive in September.

Two cross-country trips in two months is a lot, both in time and in money, so maybe the August trip is just more doable for her.

It's not rude at all. Most people will try to attend the wedding so for her to attend the bachelorette and not the wedding, she must have a really good reason not to be able to attend.

It's not rude at all. Maybe she's not available on the wedding date, maybe she can't afford two trips and would prefer to attend one where she gets actual face time with you, who knows. There's no rule that you have to attend a wedding just because you attend one of the pre-wedding events. It's actually great of her that she's even willing to fly across country for anything, so be grateful for that.

I don't think this is rude. You guys are close enough that you invited her to your bachelorette party. I agree she probably has a good reason for potentially missing the wedding.

If she isn't available on your wedding date then it's super sweet of her to come to Bachelorette. She is coming where she can to support you.

I don't think it's rude. How could it be rude to want to celebrate with you when she's able to?

I am making assumptions here, you are right. I just know that if it was me, and I could only afford 1 trip across country, I'd go to the actual wedding. Actually, I didn't invite her to the bachelorette- she just mentioned she was so excited for it- so she is invited. Not that I don't want her to come, she is more than welcome to come, I just find it weird she would rather attend the bachelorette than the wedding. Maybe you're right, maybe she has work or something- I know she is a nurse and is trying to get a job at a ski resort and quit her hospital job- I'm guessing that won't start until the snow falls. She also just flew home for the 4th and then a month later plans on flying across the country for the bachelorette. So I'm not sure if the 2 flights in a month argument is valid-imo...

Bottom line is you can not decide how and when people spend their money or travel. You said you aren't that close with her so it doesn't really matter if she comes to the wedding or not. Why are you making a thread asking a bunch of strangers if she is being rude (without knowing all of the details on her end) if her coming doesn't really matter? Yes, you are wrong. No, she isn't being tacky.

Is it rude if you invite her to only the Bach and not the wedding? Yes. Is it rude that she can only attend the Bach and not the wedding? No. Have fun and be grateful she showed up to support you.

Mrstobe: I am asking strangers on a forum to bounce ideas off a soundboard to see if my feelings are valid or not. That is the point of an etiquette forum. I will ask her for more details as to why she is planning on coming to the bachelorette and not the wedding. Then maybe I won't need to ask you for your opinion. I am assuming- I have admitted that already.

Is she a "party girl"? Looking at the worst possible reason here, it might be that she'd rather have an excuse to party in the city but wouldn't be willing to make the trip twice in such a short amount of time.

Sounds like you're still making assumptions (she would "rather" attend one and not the other). Also, you don't need to ask her anything. It's really none of your business.

Wait, Felicia and PU you can not and SHOULD not ask why. Its not your business. Anyone who has told me they can not make it or may not be able to make it is in their own right to say so. You can't question that. It's incredibly rude. Like Matt said, its their schedule. Its not your job, and should not be your priority, to follow up as to why.

PrivateUser, you're on a public forum. Unfortunately, you have no power over who is allowed to respond and who isn't. MrsToBe has just as much a right to say her piece as anyone else does.

With that said, you're in the wrong. It's a great gesture on her part to attend the Bach party knowing she won't be able to make it to the wedding. I'd savor the time you have with her then and be grateful you have cousins that are willing to fly out and spend time with you.

Boozybaker: Ues, she is a "party girl" and maybe that is why I am assuming it is rude to only attend the bachelorette and not he main event. She flew all the way home for the 4th of July party this year because that's her favorite holiday- not judging, but she was wasted by 11am. That is why I'm assuming she would rather come to the bachelorette within 1 month- for the party. If it were me, I'd come home for the 4th have a grand old time and then 2 months later go to the wedding...that's why I'm asking, is it wrong? General consensus says she is not in the wrong and I should stfu and be glad she wants to be involved in SOME way. I will let it lie...

Maybe she would just rather go to the bachelorette than the wedding. Maybe she thinks the bachelorette sounds more fun. Weddings can be boring.

Her reason doesn't matter - so I think it would be rude for you to question it.

Mrssasswood2016:I know I'm on a public forum- mrstobe asked me why I was on here asking questions- I simply asked the same of her- I don't mean harm- I am asking to see if my feelings about this are valid- everyone agrees I should stfu about it and be happy so that is what I will do- her actions are not what I'd do in the situation, but I'm not her and I really don't know her motivation...

Got it- as I said before- I am only asking so I can see if my feelings are valid- I understand that they are NOT VALID and that I need to stfu and move on- no one is going to ask anything about schedule, finances, or motivation. Thank you all for your weigh in, you have avoided me humiliation and possible drama with family. I am not unreasonable and have heard your opinions. Thanks for the advice. That is the point of the thread and I now know how to proceed.