Courthouse wedding, then church wedding reception: QUESTIONS!

Can you move your wedding date up to have it in the church by the end of the year?

Otherwise I would say yes rings are involved. You're still married after a courthouse wedding so I would wear the rings.

Yeesh No we cannot move it up... We cannot afford to have it any sooner, unfortunately.

You probably do not have to even exchange vows at the courthouse and you certainly don't have to exchange rings. If you must do vows at the courthouse, perhaps you can do personal vows at the church ceremony and also exchange rings then.

The rings and everything like that are entirely up to you.

If it were me doing it this way, I would probably keep the court wedding a little hush-hush (except from your immediate family). DH's cousin had a court wedding and then planned a large over the top extravagant affair about 9 months later. It felt a bit odd as after the courthouse wedding, they constantly referred to each other as husband and wife, posted wedding pics all over Facebook, made a big deal about it. I get it, they were married and excited. But then when we all got invited to the "actual wedding" it felt weird. They have been calling each other husband and wife for almost a year.

Thats my only input Other than that, do it however you want If its for legal/immigration issues as you mentioned, I would personally choose to not wear the rings and have the large church wedding be my "real" wedding. But thats just me Do whatever feels right to you!

Those that I know who have done this have handled the legal ceremony as just that, a legal obligation that needs to be done like signing a contract. If the religious ceremony is the one that's important to you, save the vows and rings for that.

My friends didn't wear rings after their courthouse wedding. They waited for the celebration. It's up to you

I'm orthodox as well. We did not do the orthodox wedding, however, if we want to, they will not perform the entire ceremony since we are already legally married. It would be a quick blessing of sorts, no crowns, no koumbara, etc.

You may want to check with your church to make sure they will perform the entire ceremony before you have your heart set on a church wedding.

Orthodox customs may vary from country to country - I know Greeks and Russians have different versions. Our priest knows the situation and actually told us it's not a problem, since we're not married at all, according to the church.

I would just do everything at once. Once you get legally married at the courthouse, you are legally married. No showers, bach parties, etc. Your not a bride anymore, your a wife. It would be silly to pretend to still be a bride. Also make sure each and every one of your guests know you are already married and the celebration in July isn't a wedding. Have a kick butt party, no wedding trappings though.

I had a legal courthouse wedding for immigration purposes. FH and I have never once referred to each other as husband and wife. Only a few members of our immediate families know about the marriage. We are having our "real" wedding on year after our courthouse ceremony. We did exchange rings but we don't wear them. To us, a religious wedding makes it official. Also our priest (Catholic) told us that we needed to bring a copy of our marriage license as well as another marriage certificate so that he can marry us legally. I honestly didn't know you can get two marriage certificates and I'm still a little confused about that part of it all. But we are having everything a typical wedding does. Bridal shower, bridal party. All that stuff. Don't think of the courthouse ceremony as a wedding. Think of it as a binding arrangement for legal purposes. It will make you feel better about the whole thing and still make your wedding special! Also don't wear white to the courthouse ceremony. Wear a regular dress. Keep the white for July!

Almost-Mrs.Saraza don't you feel like you are lying to people you care about, and isn't that extra gross to bring the church into your lie? I went to a wedding and we found out the couple had been married for a long time and they lied to everyone. People were livid, left the "wedding" with their gifts. I am sorry but a courthouse wedding is a real wedding. If you choose to run to the courthouse, that is your wedding. I have a very hard time believing a Catholic priest advised you of what you are saying. Catholic weddings are VERY strict. My priest will not even entertain the idea of doing what you are planning, it is lying and that is against the commandments.

Kaitlyn, that is exactly why my priest will not perform the entire ceremony. If we want to have our marriage recognized by the church, they will simplify the 'ceremony'. They also prefer that it is just the couple, not a big 'to do'.

Our daughter is being baptized in the church, and that was only possible since I had my first marriage annulled in the church, which was a hassle in itself!

If your religion dictates a religious wedding and you believe in that, then no, your legal marriage is not a marriage per your belief system. If you are only looking at it through the lense of your own beliefs and experience, Kaitlyn, then you're not going to see it that way.

Jeanne-In the Catholic church they are very strict. They will not marry you in the church if you are legally married beforehand. If your religion and beliefs mean that much then you wait and do the sacrament properly, you don't go to the courthouse. Going to the courthouse and doing the legal aspect for convenience proves that your religion isn't as important to you as those benefits that legal piece of paper give you.

Unfortunately, you are mistaken. The Catholic Church will marry you if you are legally married before (to the same person) as they do not recognize a legal marriage as a sacramental marriage. Priests personal opinions on this may differ but the Church allows it. Sometimes the secular world forces people's hands. It does not mean that their beliefs are weak or faulty, it simply means the real world isn't always as convenient as we'd like it to be and your assumption otherwise is cruel.

From the Archdiocese website: see F below re: marriage license

For the union of a man and woman to be recognized as sacramentally valid by the Orthodox Church, the following conditions must be met:

The Sacrament of Matrimony must be celebrated by an Orthodox Priest of a canonical Orthodox jurisdiction, according to the liturgical tradition of the Orthodox Church, in a canonical Orthodox Church, and with the authorization of the Archbishop or Metropolitan.

Before requesting permission from the Archbishop or his Metropolitan to perform the marriage, a Priest must verify that: a) neither of the parties in question is already married to another person, either in this country or elsewhere; b) the parties in question are not related to each other to a degree that would constitute an impediment; c) if either or both parties are widowed, they have presented the death certificate(s) of the deceased spouse(s); d) if either or both of the parties have been previously married in the Orthodox Church, they have obtained ecclesiastical as well as civil divorce(s); e) the party or parties who are members of a parish other than the one in which the marriage is to be performed have provided a certificate declaring them to be members in good standing with that parish for the current year; and f) a civil marriage license has been obtained from civil authorities.

Since the marriage license was already done at the courthouse, this would present a problem.

If your priest is allowing it, then great, but I agree that you are already legally married, and all the bells & whistles should be done before the courthouse wedding.

Kaitlyn, the Catholic Church believes you are only married if you are married through the eyes of God. No I do not feel like I am lying to my guest. We do not live together. We went through the courthouse because he could no longer work as his working papers had expired and we needed to go through immigration. People will always see things differently because everyone has a different set of beliefs. Everyone coming to my wedding in August is family. If they are going to be pissed because we are already "married" and leave, then I don't care. Those who truly care about you won't make a big deal about it. No one was at the courthouse with us. Our parents didn't know when it happened but knows that this was necessary for the sake of my FH being able to work so that we can provide for our future. Plus I don't care if the church simplifies the ceremony. I'm only doing the catholic mass ceremony for FH and his family! Kaitlyn, you need to look at it if you were in our shoes and not from someone from the outside. And Kaitlyn, Catholic Churches do vow renewals, isn't that also kind of what we are doing? We aren't necessarily lying, we are renewing our vows under the eyes of God and for the first time in front of people. If it helps you sleep at night, think of it as a vow renewal.

Vow renewal is a good way to look at it (probably still a different ceremony tho), that might be the route we take if I ever decide to have it legal in the church.

Thank you for that idea!

Mrs-2-Mom in that statement I think it is safe to assume that the Archdiocese is using the sacramental definition when they say "marriage" as they clarify later on between civil and ecclesiastical divorces/marriage licenses. As long as a civil marriage license (or, in this case, certificate) is presented, the marriage can still be performed. It is illegal for most religious authorities to have a ceremony without one of those documents. I am not Orthordox though so I can only speak to my experiences with the Roman Catholic Church.

ETA Mrs Saraza the Church will not view this as a vow renewal since you were never married in the Church before. It's totally up to you if you'd like to handle it as one though.

We are getting married because my fiance will not able to be in the USA if we don't. He will be without STATUS. It is imperative that we get married by the end of this year.

I really appreciate all the comments / perspectives here. I have received a lot of advice about how to make the courthouse wedding less special and sparkly, which is what I am looking for.

It says, in your definition, the priest must make sure that they aren't married to ANOTHER person, not to the person they are marrying.

Anyway - So... we aren't Catholic, and just to reiterate - the Serbian church does not have vows, such as "'til death do us part" because a marriage in the church is quite literally... forever. This is the thing I care about. They do not recognize marriages outside of the church, which is why our priests agree to do it.

And to really drive this point home - we've already conferenced with the priest about this, so if he says it's okay, it's okay..

I don't feel like a liar if I truly place the courthouse wedding in its proper context, and the real wedding in its proper context. I won't be wearing white, exchanging vows, or making any sort of big deal. We won't be calling each other husband and wife.