Courthouse wedding, then church wedding reception: QUESTIONS!

I was referencing portion F.

But anyway, you've made your decision, so this thread is now irrelevant.

Jeanne, I know the church won't consider it a vow renewal. I just used that so Kaitlyn could view it that way if it helped. For us, it's our true wedding. This is the date we will celebrate our anniversary on. The courthouse is a legal contract. Nothing more. Mskendzic, you are definitely in the right mindset! I also knew you weren't Catholic. I had brought it up to show you my own experience with this

I am Catholic, Irish Catholic at that. My first marriage we went to the courthouse. It was one major PITA to get a convalidation for our marriage, but it was important to us. If you aren't lying to your guests and you are sure your guests won't care that you are already married, why don't you tell them? Wouldn't it be considerate to your family and loved ones to have all the information to attend? I spent a few thousand dollars to go to the sham "wedding". If I knew the couple was already married, then I probably wouldn't have gone due to logistics with my kids. I was in your shoes. My first husband was in the military and was going to be moved, so we were adults and chose to get married so I could move with him. That was my first big decision as an adult. Did it mean I gave up the big wedding with the poofy dress, yes it sure did. You went to the courthouse because you wanted something from the government that a legal document gave you. I am not sure what Catholic church you go to, but everything you are saying doesn't go along with 99% of Catholic Churches. Sorry.

As long as you have a Catholic Priest willing to do it, then it goes along with the Catholic Church or whatever church you are having your wedding in.

At the courthouse, you do the absolute minimum you have to do, and no, you don't have to do rings.

Don't tell anyone. Do whatever you need to do, tell your parents and enjoy the celebration day.

Kaitlyn, would you NOT go to a friend's day because they didn't sign the license that day?

I didn't think so. If your'e close to a couple, you go and celebrate with them. You don't second guess the legalities. No one has ever, in my entire history, asked me to see to the license or witness the signing.

As for the church rules, I can't help you with that one.

Amen Celia. Thank you for the to-the-point response - I honestly feel so much better. Thanks to everyone who responded!

Celia-If I know the truth-sure I would go! That particular instance I had to take my kids out of school and arrange tests to be made up. We felt like we had to be there because it was family. When we found out we were lied to, well it wasn't pretty. Some other family members spent several thousand dollars to be there because they also felt that they had to. They didn't really have the money or vacation time, but they sucked it up. They were more pissed than we were. If I am close to a couple, then I expect to be respected and not lied to. Plan and simple.

My FH is Australian and I'm American and were in the middle of the k1 fiancé visa process. We planned out the timing strategically and right now, it's looking like our wedding will fall into the timeline okay. But when we first started the process we talked about "worst case scenarios" and what we would do if we got granted the 90 day visa too early (a month or two early) and it would expire before our planned wedding date. We decided if that happened...we would go to the courthouse privately and keep it to ourselves and our immediate families and treat our planned wedding as our "real" wedding - use it as our anniversary date, wait until then to live together/refer to each other as husband and wife, wear our rings, wait to change my name, etc. Of course the courthouse day would be the day that we truly committed ourselves to one another in marriage..but we would just keep that as a private memory between us. If someone were to straight up ask..we wouldn't have lied to them about it but we wouldn't make a big announcement of it either. We have been dating for 4 years and have been waiting a long time to get married and when we dreamed about that day...it was committing ourselves to each other in front of all of our loved ones and with my pastor officiating. Would that have been the ideal scenario? No, not at all. But I understand what it's like to deal with immigration and the uncertainty of timing when trying to plan a wedding and I know it sucks. I am so jealous of the people who can just go ahead and get a license and get married...without all the paperwork and waiting and visas and distance. But you have to do what you have to do. I know our parents understood that and agreed, although not ideal, made the most sense if that situation were to arise. It looks like we won't have to deal with that but I just wanted to offer that up since I understand the immigration struggles. I also know people who had to do similar bc of the military...they had a courthouse wedding bc they had to get married within a certain time and it did not work with planning so they kept it on the down low. They didn't lie about it but they also didn't make it a big announcement and treated their big planned wedding with their family and friends as their "real" wedding. I don't know y'all's situation and it is a bit of a bigger gap of time...but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do, although not always ideal. I think if your family understands the situation and is supportive of the relationship they will understand that you are working with what you've got and will support you. Good luck with everything!

Back home (Mexico), every single person that has a religious wedding, also has a courthouse wedding. It is a requisite to have the courthouse papers to receive the sacrament of matrimony.

@mskendzic: People back home don't exchange rings at the courthouse ceremony, and don't refer to each other as husband and wife.

There are countries such as Peru where you have two ceremonies, civil and religious. Just think of the religious ceremony as your celebration.

My cousins did that, just don't tell anyone you are already married and have the big church wedding next year. My cousin and his wife got legally married in December but church wedding was in April of the next year. They had to be married by a certain date so they could be stationed together ( both are in the army)

I have friends that eloped and later decided they wanted to get married in the church. They had a huge celebration at the second ceremony (no bridal shower or bachelorette party though, so maybe consider doing those before the courthouse ceremony).

As Jeanne said, the church did not see it as a vow renewal because it doesn't recognize marriages done outside of the church. So, you can do both.

View Quoted Comment So judgemental. Not everyone has the luxury to be able to sign legal paperwork during their actual wedding day. Everyone’s situation is different.

It’s your decision and there’s no right or wrong answer. If you want to treat the courthouse just as a legal/private event, you can just save the rigns for the ceremony. Or you can also consider the ceremony a renewal of vows and maybe upgrade your rings a year later? There’s so many ways to go about it, but it’s just up to you and your fiancée. Whatever makes you happy!

View Quoted Comment Can you tell me more?! My boyfriend and I are panicking cause he’s gonna come over from Mexico and I keep hearing about a courthouse wedding as a requirement but I’m so lost! How can we still have a church wedding? Is there an expiration???