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Josie
Just Said Yes June 2021

Courthouse marriage a year before a ceremony in the eyes of god.

Josie, on March 4, 2020 at 11:31 AM Posted in Community Conversations 0 6
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My fiance and I have been together for 7 years and have been engaged for 4 months. We have booked our venue and set a date for June 5th 2021. We're still in college and have been having trouble getting approved to live off campus. Living off campus and getting our own place would help us immensely in the future by lessoning the amount of student loans we would have to pull out. One of the campus exemptions at our school is to be married, so we have been thinking about going to the courthouse and doing a legal marriage on June 5th 2020 (a year before our set wedding date). We would still have the wedding a year later, but this way we would be able to live off campus and get more help with financial aid (because we will be dependents). We have a meeting with our pastor to discus our wedding in 2021, but I don't know how to explain our situation to him in a way that he would understand. I also am not sure how to go about telling everyone else about our situation, or if we should just keep it a secret. HELP!

6 Comments

Latest activity by Anna, on March 4, 2020 at 2:56 PM
  • Amber
    Master February 2020
    Amber ·
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    It sounds like a courthouse wedding is the best option for you and your fiancé given your circumstances. I don't know the ins and outs of what type of ceremonies that pastors are willing to perform, but I would just let him know that you are already married and wish to have a vow renewal on your 1 year anniversary. I definitely wouldn't keep this a secret from friends/family. Just tell them the truth and tell them you're still very excited to host them at your vow renewal in 2021 Smiley smile

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  • Pattie
    Expert June 2020
    Pattie ·
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    I don't know why you would need to keep it a secret. Perhaps tell immediate families so they can come to the official early one? But be clear that it is not the main celebration

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  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
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    Please be upfront with your pastor. You can't really influence his decision about whether or not to perform your vow renewal, because that's up to him and his church. But your best bet is to explain your situation and ask for his advice.

    As for the rest of your guests, please don't lie to them. Secrets are stressful and can often result in hurt feelings. Why risk it when you can just be honest?

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  • MOB So Cal
    January 2019
    MOB So Cal ·
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    I agree with pps about doing what you want to do, but I would absolutely be honest with everyone involved -- including your families, friends, and your religious officiant.... Perhaps you can have a small wedding now and a larger vow renewal next year? (Once you're married, including at the courthouse, a future celebration will be vow renewal since you can't get married twice.) However, I'd also make sure you have thoroughly investigated all the financial and legal ramifications of getting married now. While your change in status may allow you to save money by moving off campus, there might also be implications for your financial aid, taxes, health & car insurance, etc. Just be sure you've taken everything into account if you're only considering getting married now to save money on student housing.

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  • A
    Dedicated September 2020
    Alys ·
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    Just tell your pastor and families. No need to keep it a secret. Say we’re getting legally married in June for these totally valid financial reasons but we will be hosting our wedding celebration the following June. I don’t think your pastor is going to care one way or the other.
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  • Anna
    Super August 2020
    Anna ·
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    This can depend on what religion it is, too. This wouldn't fly in the Catholic Church.

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