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Rachel
Just Said Yes January 2023

Conflict of invites to destination wedding.

Rachel, on July 2, 2022 at 9:20 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 6
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Hi! My fiancé and I have been together for 15 years and finally got engaged. We decided to have a Mexico wedding. Venue holds 90 people so between my family and his we came up with our guest list and sent out invites. However, he wants to keep adding to our list per whoever declines. Including people we haven’t spoken to in years. This is not the biggest issue here. The other night his friend stopped over and said that their friends were mad they didn’t get invited. My fiancé used to talk to and hand out with them years ago. Now it’s if there is a function and we’re there and they’re there that’s it. Now that’s not the biggest issue. I don’t like and get along with the women in that relationship. She gets drunk and in appropriate and I don’t think she likes me either. He is insisting on inviting to Mexico now! I’m telling him no because there was no mention of this from the go until his friend said they were mad. I don’t want her there! He is fighting me hard on this and said he will send an invite himself. Help!!

6 Comments

Latest activity by Rachel, on July 13, 2022 at 2:55 PM
  • Cece
    Rockstar November 2022
    Cece Online ·
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    I’m so sorry, that’s a tough position to be in. I completely understand you not wanting to invite them if you don’t get along with them and your fiancé never mentioned wanting to invite them. However, if he’s really standing his ground on this, it may not be the hill you want to die on. I would point out to him though that the friends already know they weren’t invited, and extending one now will be an obvious “pity invite”.
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  • Rachel
    Just Said Yes January 2023
    Rachel ·
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    Thank you! I have told him about the pity invite and he doesn’t seem to care 😩
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  • Jacks
    Champion November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    Well what you're proposing to do is called "B-listing" and it's really rude on your part. You don't owe anyone an invitation. Also what if your declines change their mind? Then you're over capacity, because you can't uninvite people.

    Sounds here like your feelings aren't being acknowledged or respected by your FI. I would suggest working on that aspect of your communication.

    Destination weddings by their mere nature mean that you'll be needing to spend more time with guests than at a usual wedding. If you don't like someone, you have no obligation to include them, even if they ask, beg and plead (which is also rude, btw).

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  • Rachel
    Just Said Yes January 2023
    Rachel ·
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    Thank you Smiley smile

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  • I
    Beginner October 2022
    Is ·
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    Oof I'm so sorry!! I think with destination weddings, you honestly already have an out when someone asks why they didn't get an invite- we had a capacity limit and really needed to prioritize family (that's what we did- we're a semi-destination wedding, and really do have a small cap on how many people can be invited, and both my fiance and I have big families!). I would try to have your fiancé go back to them, and say I didn't realize we actually have a really tight limit and can't open up space, I'm so sorry. That's nothing against them then, and it's not saying he values their friendship any less, it's just saying look we had to prioritize family!

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  • Rachel
    Just Said Yes January 2023
    Rachel ·
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    Thank you! Actually update: His cousin just messaged me to include them in the rsvp! Super rude they did not even get a formal invite. They want to celebrate this women I don't want there's 40 bday (her bday isn't until March!) I told her that we did have a cap on invites and I guess if they want to come to the resort with them that's fine but we haven't received a lot of rsvp's yet and need to go from there. Now for sure I don't want them there. So rude. I feel they will crash it anyway being they are staying at same resort.

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