Commitment ceremony?

Many people choose to honor their relationships without getting legally married. In my opinion, this is no different. They are choosing to have a relationship built on love and respect and commitment to one another, not on the legal definition of a marriage. OP even used the wording "commitment ceremony." She isn't trying to have a fake wedding.

I agree that this is probably done best in a very intimate setting (like a backyard or living room), and you both express vows to each other with no officiant, and then go out for brunch or lunch. And I think you can call it that, a "commitment ceremony." That has a beautiful connontation to me.

FWIW: If a system is so poorly designed that people have to choose between practicing a basic, fundamental human right (the right to get married to the person you love) versus putting food on the table, that is a system that needs to be challenged and does not deserve the respect of its citizens. I don't think this is a case of a person trying to "work the system" but a case of desperation.

There is a giant difference in planning a legal marriage for a point in time where it is the most fortuitous and faking a marriage with no intention of ever getting married.

@Rachel; with our current administration? Don't expect any financial benefit situation to change for the better.

@ Corgi, "planning for life" is great. That's why folks are pushing OP to go talk to the SSA and get some real answers on how marriage would affect her benefits and make an informed decision from there. That's life planning.

OP wants a way to find a way to have a ceremony and be married without affecting her or her FH's government benefits, and is asking an internet BB for ideas on how to do so. That's not life planning. It's trying to find loopholes in the system or avoid it altogether, and THAT is cheating the system.

@Celia I agree with you, and it makes me so outraged. And it makes me more outraged that the general public is not outraged by it. But as long as you "donate to charity" then you are a good person, and it isn't the government's job to care for its citizens, only to build more guns and military and incite wars to keep building more guns and military. God forbid the government uses its resources to directly benefit people and communities. (stepping off podium now)

@FMB Thank you for saying exactly what I was going to. FW and I have been together for 10 years, unable to get legally married until 2 years ago. We put off having a "commitment ceremony" awaiting the day we could be legally married, because it's basically just a party without the piece of paper. There's more to it than money, consider all aspects.

@Katelyn- Congratulations! Love wins! Can't wait to see your BAM.

To the people saying it isn't a wedding if it isn't legal... we get it. But historically people have had these commitment ceremonies when they couldn't get married due to race, sex, gender, and/or sexuality. So while I get what you're saying please remember it's a tad heteronormative and white based to say these things!

Absolutely go and have that celebration. When I get married I'm not celebrating a piece of paper from the state, in celebrating the commitment, just like you

Payton, white based, heteronormative?? Please explain that to me.

We're NOT against the commitment ceremony. We've actually stated, several times in fact this can be a LEGAL issue, as she's on government assistance. Though, some are completely ok with committing fraud.. yes cheating the system is illegal and fraudulent, no matter WHY you do it.

This question is NOT for WW, this is for SSA, which is who OP needs to pose this question to.

Again, She CAN legally get married, she just needs to find out how it will affect her benefits. Again, this is a SSA question, not a WW question. We're not aware of her situation, nor are we qualified to offer legal advice.

ETA: i had to ask..

@HB....I was wondering more about 'hetronormative'...I mean, it's a great sounding word, but it doesn't have any bearing on this thread whatsoever.

Celia, i didn't even wanna touch that phrase. lol

I know of people that have DIED while waiting for disability. People that have given up because of the LONG wait times to be approved. People that have played the system to get disability, and were coached by an attorney. Disability is NOT easy to get, and it sure as hell isn't easy to keep.

Payton, as stated OP CAN get married, she just needs to find out legalities of it from SSA. As Celia stated in her previous comment, NO reputable officiant would do this. My pastor surely wouldn't do this.

@Payton - this is not about OP bucking sexist, rascist, heteronormative social issues. This is about OP wanting to get a party and as much money from SS as possible. And it's ignorant to think it's "just a piece of paper." It's a legally binding agreement at the very least. If I leave DH now, I have to legally separate everything. I can't just move out and see other people.

I missed the part where OP said she wanted a party. As far as I read, she wants a commitment ceremony. I don't think that's a party. Many people on here are jumping to conclusions.

I have mixes feelings about 'the legal piece of paper' bc as previously mentioned, many people could not have it until recently, and that really upsets me. That is why I believe the commitment is hundreds of times more important. A piece of paper is not a guarantee the marriage will last.

Most times marriage is beneficial, and in some it is not. They still have the right to have their ceremony to show their love for each other.

@FMB- Thanks! I really enjoyed your BAM! Congrats!

@Payton- heteronormative? Do you know what that word means? It doesn't fit here.

No, a piece of paper doesn't guarantee a marriage will last but it puts in place an orchestrated series of consequences that kick in if it doesn't, which (ideally) protects both partners and any children brought into the marriage.

If you decide to do it, don't wear a white dress, don't let guests take pics, don't have your officiant in a cassock or judge robes. Don't let it appear in pics that you got married.

What is the difference if you tell your guests whether its a wedding or not? Both declare devotion to each other only one is legal and the other isn't.

Yes I totally understand why people have a comment ceremony and it's definitely not to cheat the system it's to confess their love from one another unfortunately the system forces people 2 live in sin people that have committe ceremonies is doing it in the eye sight of the Lord so those that don't understand it I'm here 2 educate. some people have been together for years sometimes even longer then married couples . people have committe ceremonies for many of reasons and it's not about lieying to the public because u don't owe the public anything you only owe god back in the day their was not such thing as a marriage license everything is about 😡 money now it's not about love and that's the big issue about everything u shouldn't have to pick love over 💰 or basically your health benefits. Only in America because canda and others places don't have this problem free health care.

A piece of paper is just what it is a piece of paper that can be burned u know what you are 2 each other and a piece of paper isn't going to change that .

Anybody can have a comment ceremony remember it's not law binding no marriage license u may have a comment ceremony certificate you can even donload them yourself that's what the point is about to protect yourself it's nothing against the law about a comment ceremony anyone can do one for you that is willing 😊 sometimes it's hard to find someone because some people aren't familiar about comment ceremonies .