Commitment ceremony?

I think with the way the world has changed this is a great alternative...like a ceremony like a wedding without being legal? What is is your ideas...just very curious

I'm not sure what you want. Do you want all the trappings of a marriage without declaring it to the government? So that, as a couple, you can declare less income?

Are**

I guess have the ceremony without filing a marriage license? I'm really confused by this. Please be up front with your guests about what is happening too.

My friend did this almost a year ago. They had a very small ceremony and it was beautiful. It was just them, and the officiant and a photographer and videographer in Julian, CA.

She sent her loved ones a little packet of pictures and the video. It was very sweet.

They did not marry 'legally' bc he had serious health issues, and by marrying legally I think it would have messed up his benefits.

Anyways... this has a very sad ending. He passed away recently and his funeral will be on what should have been there 1 year anniversary. No one really knew (until his death) that it wasn't a real marriage. Not even their parents. I'm sure they had their reasons, but it's def something to keep in mind. She could not make any choices after his passing. But for the almost year that they were married, it worked for them.

We each get ssi and if we get married we would get combined income.

I'm not sure what the point of this would be? Are you telling your guests you aren't actually getting married? Are you just trying to get gifts? Honestly, what's the point of this if you aren't changing anything?

The point is making a public commitment to your partner, just as it is for most of us. It sucks to be in a spot where something that should be really wonderful will take away something necessary, but that's the way it is in a lot of places.

OP, I think you should go for it! Get your nearest and dearest together, have a ceremony, exchange rings, and go out to dinner.

What is ssi? Maybe I don't understand...

Ssi is disability

Oh I see. I'm Canadian, so we have EI. Thanks!

That's sort of rude to ask "are you just trying to get gifts?"...

I say just have the celebration you want without the paperwork. Nothing wrong with having a declaration of your commitment to each other just like any other marriage.

For many, including myself, the commitment is millions of times more important and significant than the piece of paper that shows you are legally married. Sure, there are benefits, but unfortunately for some, there are not. And it may actually have disadvantages for some.

As I mentioned above, a dear friend of mine did a commitment ceremony and I didn't judge her or think badly at all. She also didn't give a shit about gifts...

There's SSI and SSDI. Two different programs.

For SSI, a partner's income does affect yours. If both are in SSI, their rate will change from individual to couple. For SSDI, a partner's income does not affect you.

You can receive SSI and be disabled, usually when you don't have enough work history. SSDI is based on work history prior to becoming disabled.

OP, did you consult the SS office, or your attorney?

https://www.disabilitysecrets.com/page5-13.html

Just be upfront with people and let them know . I don't get it, I think it's pointless but it's not for me to get. So good luck!

OP, I think inviting your guests to a commitment ceremony is perfectly fine n hope you enjoy your day. I just wouldn't word it was a wedding. @HisBeauty is right, in that SSI is different than SSDI.

@MelissaHH, I used to feel the same about those receiving benefits. I'm sure we all know someone we that we feel is working the system but we have no info, no right to assume that is what OP is about. Those legit living on SSI don't have the option of moving up the ladder to gain more income if they are unable to work. I can't see telling them that their relationship isn't worth a commitment ceremony & should consider marriage only n take the cut in benefits. If they truely are just working the system...fine but we have no right to think that OP is.

From my understanding, if you were married before getting SSI, it's not affected by that marriage but if you get SSI & then marry...the benefit can be lowered. ETA I had gotten my info from the SSA website/didn't talk about cohabiting. I agree with @HisBeauty regarding talking to someone from SSA directly about your situation.

Ambrok, that is not necessarily accurate. SSI is a need based program, a partner's income can affect that. Also, cohabitating with a partner can affect that.

"Social Security may consider your live-in partner as spouse if you hold yourselves out to friends, community, and family as "husband and wife" even if you have not legally married. Therefore, their income would be counted the same as a legal spouse, which might cause your SSI monthly disability benefits to change. Whether or not your SSI benefit will be reduced and by how much depends upon your spouse’s earnings. Your spouse’s income affects your SSI disability benefit amount because SSI is a need based disability program."

http://www.ssdrc.com/5-57.html

OP, you need to consult a SSA rep, so that you have the accurate information.

OP, as long as you're upfront with your guests, go for it.

Personally, I think if you don't want to be married (and believe me, I understand the rationale, and I don't judge you for it), I think part of that choice includes foregoing the big celebration. You don't get to have it both ways. It sucks that that's how the incentives are built into the system, but they are, and life isn't always fair.

I do not raise issue with people who truly need the assistance using said assistance.

But I can't condone nor do I feel good about anyone trying to sidestep the system, which is exactly what the OP appears to want to do. OP, you need to do what @ HisBeauty suggested and meet with someone to get clear on exactly what happens to your benefits if you get legally married and make your decision based on that - I don't think there's anything wrong with having a private ceremony and pledge your commitment to one another, but don't create a lie by telling people you're married if you do not sign the forms stating it is a legally recognized marriage.

Please do not try and cheat the system - taxpayers are the ones who are paying in to the system that gives you your benefits, and you need to follow the rules in place.