Commitment Ceremony issues

Actually, there doesn't need to be any verbiage. Your signing and witnessing of the marriage license is what makes it legal in the eyes of the government. An officiant can pronounce you as spouses all they want, it doesn't make it legal.

I think it's just as much of a marriage as anything else. But I think commitment ceremony is fine, or "exchanging of vows." I don't agree with lying to your guests, but I don't think you are really lying here. There are groups of people in this country who couldn't get legally married for a long time, didn't make their marriages any less real.

@Jenna, I think you've been here long enough to know that I am fine with people getting married with their legalities in place before hand, for a number of reasons.

But you see these threads here and inevitably there are three people who post that they would be mortally insulted to go to a wedding where the couple got married first. (Like literally one guest has ever asked me about this....)

But doing a 'fake wedding' without a license in place? I don't know any one of my colleagues who would do that. You now have a group of guests who think the couple is married but they are not. It is a completely different situation than having the couple be married ahead of time.

Possibly there are officiants who will do that, certainly there are Uncle Phils who will do anything, but I am not going to tell 100 guests that a couple is legally married when they are not.

There is nothing wrong with a commitment ceremony.

Rebecca. you have no idea what you're talking about. Please stop posting what amounts to legal advice.

See, Linds, it's not just an UO, it's very problematic for any 'real' officiant.

@Celia I didn't know how you felt about it. And I actually didn't know you were an officiant until this thread. I had only seen previously that you were a vendor. I have been on here for a few months now, but I work a lot and am usually multitasking while checking forums.

Really wish there was a search function on the mobile app

People get married without licenses and certificates all the time! Your wording shouldn't matter!

Speaking from the side of a potential guest, I'd like to know what I'm witnessing. I wouldn't be any less supportive of a commitment ceremony, but I'd be pissed to be lied to about it.

@Janna, no offense taken.

@Melissa, you also have no idea what you are talking about. Again, don't give what amounts to legal advice with clearly nothing to back it up.

Melissa, what??? You have to have the certificate for a legally binding wedding ceremony.....

Though I could be Wrong.. @Celia?

ETA: nvm saw you replied just as I hit submit!

Let me be clear, this isn't about legality or not. Honestly I never even said I was going to get an officiant. Nor did I say I was going to "pretend" like it was legal. This is about whether or not after I send out invitations that say "commitment ceremony" if I need to further explain to my guests that it's not legal. My mom said it is lying but nowhere am I going to say marriage, mr. and mrs., etc. personally I feel that it is none of their business why we are not getting legally married, but if they need to know I will tell them, in detail. However I feel wording it as such; Because you have shared in our lives by your friendship and love we, [full name] and [full name] invite you to share the beginning of our new life together as we exchange vows on [day of week], the [day of month] of [month] the at half past [time] in the afternoon. [location and address]. will be enough.

Oy vey....a rare Friday that I'm home...

1. if you have no license executed, you are not legally married. There is really no such thing as commonlaw marriage except in a couple of states, and frankly? I' wouldn't want to bring that to court.

2. most states have specific things that need to be included; statment of intent, vows, pronouncement

3. if a religious person is marrying you, there may be another verbiage that needs to be included.

There is nothing wrong with a commitment ceremony, it just needs to be presented as such.

Thanks for the clarification OP Sarah!

I do not think that you have to explain any further than calling it a commitment ceremony on the invitation.

@Linds that is exactly what my friends did. They just held off on the actual paperwork until she was in remission. Then they did the legal portion. Their minister preformed the ceremony and they still called it a wedding. We were all fine with it and supported it.

OP, you don't owe anyone an explanation about your private life and decisions. Since it might be an issue with someone who is a certified officiant, you can have a friend or a relative lead the ceremony. I honestly think as a guest what I love about weddings is watching people I love make a commitment to each other and sharing in that special moment. I really couldn't care less about weather or not a certificate was signed.

We plan and hope to get legally married in a couple of years. We would already be married if the insurance wasn't so important. Celia has convinced me that getting an officiant would be a waste of time and money. If I invite someone who gives so much weight to legality and word usage by an officiant, well I really hope they decide to not RSVP. I would rather save $20 on that persons plate then have someone attending who is going to do flips because it's not "legal." I have been with my fiancé for over five years and he has been with me through hospitalizations and countless ER visits. Our love is stronger than the millions of people who get married "legally" and decide to divorce a few years later. I don't need an officiant to prove to people that our love is legitimate just because I signed a paper.

@Sarah,

Sarah, this is a question for a professional because there are legal implications to your question that cannot be answered by individuals who don't understand eligibility requirements for SSI and Medicaid. I am very familiar with the programs because of my career as a federal policy wonk (I am most familiar with disability, healthcare, and family economics policy), but am also not qualified to give you individual advice (I work mostly with policies as they're created or reauthorized, not as they're implemented). But what I do know is that how you present your relationship to others, regardless of whether you have a marriage certificate, may impact eligibility.

In some states, couples that present themselves as married may be considered in a "common law marriage," which in turn may be recognized by the Social Security Administration.

You have a lot at stake here regarding your health, so please take anything you read on here with a grain of salt and consult an expert (might be a lawyer or the agency itself or a non-profit that helps individuals apply). How your talk about your relationship and how it's perceived by others could have an impact on your benefits.

Last time I looked, I was a professional....

In this case... OP doesn't need an officiant... just someone to help them go through their plans as to how they are commiting to each other... right? I think the invitation wording is fine. But I would be very careful on actually using the terms associated to marriage, during and after the event.