Commitment Ceremony issues

You are getting "Married" it's no ones business whether the license has been obtained and turned in.

I'm sorry you're going through that but that is not what I've been told by my disability lawyer and SSA.... In fact I was told it would NOT affect my disability, which is filed under my work history.

Having a child affects my disability, but not getting married..

I wish I had advice. Just word it, maybe "join us to celebrate our love in this momentous event"

ETA; words

No. call it a marriage/wedding.

That's all people need to know.

I feel like this is a case that people will be understanding that it isn't a legal marriage. I would use the wording commitment ceremony and leave it at that.

I think in this instance don't listen to your mother. I don't necessarily agree with lying to your guests, but they would know what a commitment ceremony is. Also, this makes me so sad for you. I cannot imagine not being able to get married because of fear of losing medical insurance. The US needs to pull it's head out of it's arse when it comes to healthcare.

@JessieJV, me too.. it's an absolute nightmare here with healthcare.

I have SSI it is completely based off my income not my work history. I was diagnosed at age 20, was approved at age 25, am currently 28. I have already had to come off a joint account with my fiancé because they said he makes too much money. If you make over poverty which is around $1,200 a month they also cut your Medicaid. He makes a lot more than that and my benefits would be cut immediately. I currently get labs and CT Scans every six month to monitor cancer growth. I can't afford to be without it.

I'm sorry Sarah.. i don't even qualify for Medicaid... even with Medicare.. smh..

They don't make anything easy here.

I do like the option of wording it, "Please join us for a celebration of our Love"...

If you think health care is a nightmare now? Just wait. but I digress.

I'm sorry Kirstie, that is just blatantly not a plan, and no ethical officiant will do a marriage that *looks* like one but isn't one. We can lose our ability to do weddings by doing this.

You do a commitment ceremony, but you have to make it crystal clear that it is not a legal marriage. I have verbiage for this if your officiant doesn't, and if you contact me, I will send it to you. I've used it in several weddings (divorces not final....etc)

But really, you can't get fake married. It can look like a commitment ceremony, which many gay couples have been doing for years; hopefully they will never have to do that again.

You can tell your mother that your spiritual advisor weighed in on this. And prayers for your continued health.

Thank you Celia!! I was just about to pop in to mention maybe put paging Celia!

A friend of mine went through this about 7 years ago. The only thing that makes you married in the eyes of the law is signing the marriage certificate. You are married in your own eyes, and that is good enough, spiritually. On the flip side, you are not privy to any of the legal attributes of being married, however, powers of attorney can fill that void temporarily. Until the legal part is finalized, your FH cannot make any legal decisions about your care if you cannot. That would reside with your family, unless there is a power of attorney superseding that. (legal mumbo jumbo, but they can still take him to court blah blah blah)

She was on her parents insurance still because of being in treatment for Hodgkin's Lymphoma. If she signed the certificate, then she had to come off their insurance and would lose all of her experimental treatments. Once she was in remission for a year, they signed the certificate and were legally married. No matter what she wanted to be married, and promised that if she were to die that she would sign it on her death bed.

Celia I was planning on doing a commitment ceremony. The issue was whether or not guests needed to know it was not legal under the law. We plan on exchanging vows we wrote ourselves, we weren't going to pretend it was legal when it isn't.

Being married "in your own eyes" is very, very problematic in many ways and that insinuation is pretty darn insulting to all the SS couples who have been waiting for years to have that right, knowing that 'being married in your own eyes" means shit when it comes to legalities.

This is not as easy an issue as it seems on the surface. And you can thank our BS administration now for part of that anxiety.

Calling it a commitment ceremony is enough to let guests know it's not a wedding. You could word it something like "please join us as we commit our lives to one another" instead of "please join us as our commitment ceremony" if you want it to look more traditional.

Sarah, that is the best plan, but yes, your guests need to know. I doubt that they'll care, honestly.

Sarah, I am so sorry you are going through this. My prayers/vibes/whatever you believe in are with you. I think the words "commitment ceremony" are perfect. I think they are very self explanatory and really it isn't anybody business what is going on in your personal life. so I agree with PP on this one, don't listen to your mom on this one and word it how you think is best.

Calling it a commitment ceremony, IMO, already implies that it's not legal.

You can call it anything you want, and that's a start, but a responsible officiant it going to make sure the language within the ceremony is correct too.

I'm sorry you're going through this. It's ridiculous that you can't marry the one you love for fear of being unable to take care of your health.

I think Celia is right and it sounds like that's what you wanted to do anyway. There's no need to write in on a billboard that your ceremony isn't a marriage. You can certainly celebrate your union.

@Celia I'm confused as to why guests need to know specifically whether there is a marriage license/certificate involved or not. Is there some type of legal liability attached to it or something? Genuinely curious.

Different, but related: I saw something on another thread referencing those on here wanting people to call it a vow renewal if they had a wedding after being legally married. I don't understand this either.

I'm on mobile so can't use search function to find a thread about this.