Cold feet or Not the right moment to get married?

Definitely not normal! It's one thing not to want a wedding, another not to want to be married. I would at least postpone for now, if not indefinitely. I would suggest looking into counseling as well, asap, if you care about saving this relationship. It may cost you $ now, but it's much less costly than divorce.

All I can say to you is this. Do not make the decision on money. Yes you will lose money canceling your wedding. Divorce is also expensive. Do want your heart tells you to do. Good luck.

Well... this is a tough one. You have to do what is truly right for you. I got engaged in May 2010 and was all about the wedding for months. Once i got a lot of vendors booked I stopped planning for a while, I was really burnt out. Now with that you said that is "disgusted you to think about" that could be an indication for you. I was never disgusted with wedding planning, I just knew that I needed to take a break because it was consuming my life. Really you should sit down with your fiancée and talk about what is bothering you and maybe you guys can come to a conclusion that way.

I hope everything works out for you and wish you all the best in making your decision.

It's normal to feel overwhelmed with all that needs to be done to plan a wedding. My FH and I had never had a fight until we became engaged and since then we've fought several times over the wedding. I've had to walk away from the planning a few times because I couldn't handle the stress. IMO, this is normal. But it's important that you 2 are committed to each other and love each other. After each fight ask yourself if what you are actually fighting over is going to matter in 2 weeks, 6 months or 10 years down the road. If not, then move past it and remember that you are getting married because you love each other and want to spend the rest of your lives together. Make a point to have a date night once a week and be sure not to talk about the wedding. Just take a deep breath and remember the wedding is just for one day, your marriage is for a lifetime.

I think the problem is you two really don't know each other. Correct me if I am mistaken, but all this time you have been living apart, not even in the same city, you can't say you know someone when you haven't been there for good and bad times. Everyone seems very nice when it's about going out and dining, but once you come to routine real life, things can be really different.

I am not saying he is wrong for you, in fact there is still a chance he is the right one, but there is also a chance that he is not right for you. I would have not even gotten engaged with someone I don't feel I really know during bad times. I think you should postpone for now, get to really know the guy as in daily basis not only fun weekend, and then make your decision if you cancel or get married.

I've seen too many couples in romantic relationships fueled by the impossibility of it due to distance and it's just what keeps them together, then once they get together they find out they are not in love

Since your wedding is not for another 6 months you do have a little bit of time to think things through with out rushing to anything. But I would take a HUGE step back and really think if it is the wedding you want to give up on or your relationship. And talk things out with your Fiance as well. Since you have been long distance it may be a good idea to take some time to be a couple and work on your relationship now that you are no longer long distance from one another. That in of itself is a big adjustment without adding wedding stresses on top of that. You can always come back to the wedding stuff at a later time.

Normal only because you're probably just reacting to going from long distance to seeing each other all the time. That's a hard adjustment to make. You have some time… so don't do anything drastic at this point. I would put the wedding plans on hold for awhile and focus on your relationship. This might be a good time to go to pre-marital counseling~ It will help shed some light on the inner workings of your relationship. If you're still feeling this way in a couple months then I'd say, yes… you should postpone. You can always check with your venue and see if they'll move your date. You have a popular date that they'll probably be able to re-book so it could be an option without having much monetary penalty. But regardless, $4000 isn't a reason to get married. That's a hell of a lot cheaper than a divorce.

Money is really irrelevant. The wedding is a union for you and FH to be together forever. Your relationship comes first. Get counseling and see if it will work out for you.

Thanx all for the replies!

@Analy: You mentionned to do some counseling.. isn't it a bad start already? if he's the right one shouldn't we be this way? I am so lost right now.

@Kayla: I never took a break until now.. that's why I think I feel this way because of that and I dunno if it's normal that I feel disgusted or its a big sign that I should not get married.

@Kimberly: I already checked with the venue. they dont care if they can book the date or not. we will have to pay a penalty depending on the days left to our wedding. the more we wait the more it will cost.

To all, I know I shouldnt make a decision based on money but I am just scared that I just got cold feet and that I will cancel the wedding for nothing and at the same time loose some money. I know we need to discuss me and my fiance and we did but I am also pressured in time because of the venue policy. I do want to give us a chance but at the same time I dont have time. All this wedding thing just stress me too much!

If your second thoughts are this strong, forget the money. A divorce is far more expensive.

@bella: yes we had many discussions. it goes up and down

Premarital counseling is not a bad start - skim through the forums here and see how many couples did it. We did it, and I recommend it for everyone. Many officiants require it. Counseling is a great way to make sure you've discussed everything you need to discuss, and it would be a good way to see if the problems you are having are with the wedding planning or the actual marriage.

@bella: what if it is me that is too demanding and difficult.. I just dont feel like a princess. I asked him why he never calls me when i go home late and he replied that I am paranoiing, that his mom calls him eveytime he goes out and that he finds its overprotecting... I find its caring about someone.

Bella said it perfectly. It's about compatibility. Counseling will help you figure out if you even are compatible. No, it's not starting out on the wrong foot- it's giving your relationship the best start it can possibly have.

Really the money aspect shouldn't matter when it comes to the overall decision, because if that's your deciding factor, you might spend more in a divorce soon after. I don't feel your current feelings are normal when talking about cold feet, if it were me, I would postpone it, but this decision clearly has to be up to you and what you feel is right. No one will know the right answer but you, but considering you are thinking twice, that should possibly tell you a little more time is needed.

Like someone else said about not knowing each other well, that could possibly be the case. If you haven't lived together, in the same city, for long and the whole time you have been together has been devoted to the planning of the wedding, that doesn't leave time to the both of you as a couple, and wedding planning can become daunting and stressful to begin with, so I think maybe more time would be best. It's better to catch such a thing now as oppose to getting married and realizing it wasn't right.

Thx stevie and all. we will think about all this and make a decision

I wish you luck. It is a hard position to be in. I was in it once and I keep seeing my best friend get into it. I agree with everyone that is saying that maybe there are compatability issues. You might be the kind of person that needs to talk to your significant other numerous times during the day and he might be the kind of person that doesn't think that way. it doesn't mean that he isn't thinking of you or that he doesn't love you because he doesn't do it that way. but it may be something that you "need" in a relationship. Just give it all some thought. Pre-marital counseling is not a bad thing. Its actually good. Alot of people on here have said that it is alot of fun and they enjoyed it, bc it is the environment where you get to discuss things that you may not bring up at any other time bc you don't know how to or you are afraid to. Go talk it out with someone and figure out if you think you guys are still good. Alot of the problem might be that ya'll are just getting used to .cont

Being around each other all the time. me and my FH lived 4 hours away at first and to a point that was great bc every weekend we couldn't wait to see each other and we missed each other so it made every moment we were with each other that much more special, but then last september he moved in with me and we saw each other all the time and its hard to miss someone you are around all the time. its hard to find stuff to do all the time with each other bc you have so much time whereas before then you were struggling to get time. just hold off for a bit and spend some time with him. make it important to spend that quality time and enjoy each other. focus on what you love about him and why you want to spend the rest of your life with him and then go from there. good luck and if you need anything message me.

I think that you should give counseling a try for a month or so. You've had a lot of different stresses in your life. Distance, moving, planning etc. It gets a little overwhelming and if you both are taking frustrations out on each other it's not good. But if you do love him and did want this, it might just be hiding behind all that stress! I'd say put planning on hold and give yourselves one month of counseling and if it doesn't feel right then, spend the money. Everyone is right, money isn't as important as your happiness. However if you make that decision to spend $4,000 and then a month or two later feel so much less stressed, you may regret not just taking some time away from planning instead of paying all the money to postpone or cancel. It's still quite awhile away, so let yourself breathe and see what happens in a month.

Good luck

I agree with what EVERYONE has said. If there are true doubts, then call off the wedding. It's better to end it now rather than drag it out and have it be more painful and more resentment later.

Long distance relationships do tend to have a big smack in the face when you begin to live together. While you had time to yourself before, once you're closer, you will have less time to be just you and become more of a couple. Some couples when living so close just don't work out well. And some couples just can't live together. While there are others who can make it work. Good luck to you!