Church vs. City Hall

Have you considered getting married somewhere other than either a church or City Hall? These days, many couples are just having their ceremony at their reception venue, for example.

However, ultimately the two of you are going to need to negotiate and compromise. If he can't do that, I would question whether you really want to be married to him. Right now, the issue is the church wedding. However, once you are married, there will be other religious issues: Will your children be baptized? Will they go to religious school? Will they have a First Communion? Not to mention that, like every other couple, you will have other things you disagree on. Learning to negotiate and compromise is critical for a marriage.

If he is so indifferent to the location, I don't understand why he WON'T get married in a church. If he truly doesn't care, it shouldn't be a issue. Which of course, means that he DOES care. You need to know why he is opposed to it. Ask him! Tell him how much it means to you. Offer concessions, ask him what HE thinks is important. This is just one of many compromises to come.

We have actually talked about that and we completely agree that we are going to have our children baptized, take them to church etc. which is why i don't understand why it seems to be such an issue to get married in church. he was totally on board with the church wedding until his parents started bringing up City Hall.

You two have to come to an agreement on what you want. I personally would not have been offended by what his mother said because there was absolutely no way in hell that I would get married at city hall. If you want to marry me, then we have to come to some type of agreement. It's not that you are too good, it's just that's not what you want. Everything is not for everybody. If he really loves and respects you, he'll come around. Did he still want a reception after the city hall wedding?

I can see him not wanting to get married in the church, because he is not Catholic and would have to convert, attend classes, etc.

I'd talk to him, and next time his mother is around make a point to discuss it. Tell them both it isn't anything against city hall, it's that religon has been a huge part of your life, and it's really important to you to get married in a church. It's not that city hall is a bad thing- it obviously worked well for their marriage and many others that you know. You can incorporate God in a religious ceremony and that is a big deal to you.

He needs to stand by you- that this is important to the TWO of you- and city hall is not the option you have chosen- even though there is nothing wrong with it.

@Meg- I think she said he IS Catholic...am I reading wrong? I could see that too though.

First and foremost, I teach CCD. One does not need to convert to Catholicism to be married in the "Church". Your parish priest may suggest the simple ceremony, instead of a Nuptial Mass though. It varies by the pastor.

Second....for Catholics, it is not about the building. Matrimony is a sacrament for us. It is actually called a vocational sacrament. It is one the 7 we receive in our lifetime. Not being married in "The Church" has consequences. Mainly, the Church does not recognize you as being married. The "Church" would still believe you are "living in sin" and not allowed to receive the Eucharist at Mass. Your parish priest decides if you are allowed to or not. You can do a City Hall service and have your marriage "blessed", and then it is recognized by the Church.

As far as other requirements: check out this website

http://catholicweddinghelp.com/questions/rules-requirements.htm

Continued:

Other requirements include: taking Pre-Cana classes and an interview with your pastor.

The FH and I are both Catholic. We have been "living in sin" for the last 7 years. Our pastor allows us to receive the Eucharist at Mass because he feels the Eucharist is far more important than the rules.

We are being married in a civil ceremony. Since my first marriage was annulled and the FH has never been married in the Church, we will have our marriage blessed and thus recognized.

Sure hope that helps.

Have you thought about doing both? I mean, my DS was leaving (military) the week after so we got married at the court house and are having our ceremony this march. That way he gets the easy courthouse wedding and you can have your church wedding. The courthouse wouldnt cost but just a little, I think ours was $50 for the "ceremony" and the $50 for the marriage license. Just a thought though.

Perhaps he objects not to the church wedding, but to the major production? I'm getting married Catholic in a huge cathedral (it has been my parish since I was 17), but without the pageantry. Our priest is going to marry us in the little chapel with just our parents, sibs, and kids. Maybe he'd be more into something like that.

Carole, one correction: A non-Catholic getting married to a Catholic is not bound to raise the kids in the Church, but he must be made aware that the Catholic party is obligated to do so.

@Miss Michal....While technically true since the 60's, many parish priests still will not agree to the marriage unless the promise is made. In Philadelphia, the differences among the pastors of parishes are numerous. Sadly, we still have many old timers who are sticklers.

I don't know why I had triple posts on this one, so I edited. The edits actually contained my sentence which stated the agreement clause.

Sounds to me like the beginning of understanding life doesn't turn out at all like we dreamed or hoped it would. When we come to these moments, it's time to ask ourselves what matters to us? (There are not wrong answers, just truth.)

What is most important to you? Marrying the man you love, or having the wedding you've always dreamed of?

My non catholic DS got married in a catholic church, he has no interest in being a catholic, but went along with it just for the day and he made my day. However if your DS is not in favor of the church and you are against the courthouse, do you think you and your DS could take up 2d Bride's suggestion and agree on an alternate location, or could your DS go along with "just for the day" idea.

If he had some kind of strong opinion then it'd be a problem, however since his opinion is kinda whatever and the wedding is for the bride more than the groom. if you want church make it happen!

To rig510...my faith is a important part of my life I want to be married in church by my priest because I want it to be recognized in the eyes of the Lord. It has nothing to do with childhood daydreams of a big white dress or what society says is the norm.

@Lisa: Did you know that you can request a dispensation from your parish priest to get married outside of the Catholic Church and still have it be considered a valid and sacramental marriage? (This is granted most often when the couple is of different faiths, and wish to be married in a church of another denomination, but I have known people that were granted a dispensation so they could have an outside wedding.) Also, even without this dispensation, civil marriages are recognized as valid by the church (just not Sacramental).

I agree with previous posters that there seems to be more to it then what he is currently telling you. My advise would be to talk to FH and maybe even bring in your parish priest and see if you can discover the real issue with a church marriage and what options you might have to find a compromise.