Chronically late??

I recently attended a friend's wedding where the groom's family was late despite the ceremony starting 45 minutes after the time indicated on the invitation and walked into the room in the middle of the couple reciting their vows. I was sort of amazed at how rude his family could be to miss such a huge moment in their son's life, especially since it was a very small wedding and you could clearly see their empty seats and then them sneaking in and rushing down the aisle halfway through the ceremony.

I tend to run a bit on the late side (usually 20 minutes or so, not 2 hours) but it's no one responsibility but my own to make sure I'm where I need to be when I need to be there. Don't do anything to accommodate his family's bad habits, just carry on as you need to and if it's important to them they'll make sure they're there.

@Rachel the last thing I'm going to say is that maybe no one has ever called you rude or disrespectful to your face but I can almost guarantee that the people in your life notice, and don't find it to be a charming personality trait. I truly don't mean anything personal by saying that, it's just the truth (in my experience, in my life, anyway. I very well could be wrong about yours).

The point is that people who make a choice to be late have also made the choice to accept the consequences. Each of your posts have confirmed that you share this belief (in that you don't expect people to make changes to accommodate your lateness, for lack of a better phrase), so really, we are both saying the same thing.

My family has a history of being late also. Same with other adults in my community. All I know is, as long as the bridal party and our parents are ready-we are starting the wedding. I also would like my mom to have a personal assistant to help her get ready and keep on time lbs. usually that's my position, but obviously I would be doing my own thing

Note: I decided to remove some of my personal statements. They weren't necessarily relevant to this situation and I was getting too emotionally involved because this is a sensitive subject to me personally. However, I think my other statements still stand.

@Rachel, I agree with you 100%. FH asked the invitations to be changed because it's important to him that his family is there. I loved @MataDC idea about giving them jobs to do before the ceremony. Learn to work with these people not against them. This is your future family.

I mentioned the job thing to my FH, and he said "they already gave me grief about taking off work for the day, so im not sure they will be willing to help out the morning of." they're very tough to work with on things if its not fully 100% about them being in the spot light. Im trying really hard to put a smile on but it is really really difficult at times. i want everyone to be happy and i want everyone to be present the day of. they seem to be making it harder than it should be, though. But we are really trying to work with them, even with the resistance

@Brianna

Perhaps consider setting up the transportation that will get them there early. Honestly, if they are giving *you* grief for having a wedding on a day that makes them take off work, let them be late and let them miss it.

You teach people how to treat you...If they want to make you feel guilty for having a wedding day and they can't be bothered to be on time, they will miss the wedding.

My mother is like this and for important events I tell her: This is when this starts, if you are not here at this time, we are leaving/starting without you, and then we do. Over the years, she has learned to manage her time better.

Chronic lateness is a huge pet peeve of mine and I don't cater to it at all. If I make plans with you and you're not there after 15 min then I leave. Adults should be able to adult and if they can't then it's not my fucking problem. A one off thing is fine but if you can't be on time to major events and constantly make others wait for you then take the steps to be better. Don't whine about how everyone else should cater to you. I'm looking at you Rachel.

Ksquared, you must have missed the information that Rachel removed from her posts last night, because she did say several times that she does NOT expect anyone to wait for her, or delay plans because she is late, even though she is advocating for that in her comments.

Why someone who knows they are going to be late (based on past experience and knowing they have an issue with the "perception of time") wouldn't try harder to be on time (read: early) is kinda beyond me, but Rachel at least said that she doesn't expect any special treatment and takes responsibility for her own lateness.

I personally think it's rude to treat grown adults like children and lie to them about a time. What happens if they ARE on time and are stuck waiting around because they were lied to? THAT'S rude.

What isn't rude is letting them know the time things are starting and request they be there on time so they don't miss this important event.

EM, I did miss that. I was a little put off by her attitude that it's ops job to work around the chronically late relatives and that they should have no responsibility to be on time to anything. Eta: I may come off harsh on this because i am chronically early. Chronically late people are the bane of my existence.

I had this problem with my family, so what I started doing was starting on time when I hosted any events and if they arrived and it was over they just missed out. After realizing that I was serious about my starting times I've noticed that most of my family is on time for my events. It may take for them to miss your wedding to get the point. So sorry that you're going through this

From the other side of the aisle:

My FH and I were invited to a wedding last year. We contacted the bride to regretfully decline. We simply wouldn't get there on time because my FH had to work that day. We weren't going to be the rude late people. She confided in me that she put the time as 45 minutes early b/c her family is always late. Had I not spoken to her, we would have declined to attend a wedding that we COULD make it on time to. 45 minutes made the difference between yes and no.

So no, don't alter the time. Besides, you've already purchased the invitations. How many guests might decline b/c they are in the same boat I was in?

I'm sorry if it started at 12 and they weren't there by 12:10, we eating without them. I wouldnt change a thing. If they can't show up on time then when they arrive to the wedding, it will be the reception. I'm sorry

Ksquared, I totally understand the frustration, and the attitude of anyone defending people who are chronically late really pisses me off too. I actually ranted to my H last night for an embarrassingly long time about this post.

To use the "perception of time" as justification for being late is actually really disrespectful to people like you and I who work hard (and waste a LOT of time sitting around) to be early for things.

No one has a perfect perception of time (and most don't even have a halfway decent one), but I do understand how a clock works and that's really all there is to it.

I fully admit I tend to be 5-10 minutes late for everyday things (In my profession, everyone always runs late because crises always come up), so slight lateness doesn't bug me. But 2 HOURS is absurd. I agree wholeheartedly with other posters...stop rewarding that, now. Start on time, be consistent, and the behavior will be shaped eventually.

Being late is the rudest thing in my book. My side of the family is always late to everything but they know I'm super anal about that. So I'm hoping they're not late because I will not wait and I will very bluntly tell them it starts at the set time and not a minute later. If you're not there I don't care. I will not wait a second.