I apologize in advance for my long, babbling post. I am really struggling with choosing my bridal party. I have 3 best friends that I for sure have included, but my fiancé has 3 sisters. I’m closest with one sister, so I know she’ll for sure be a 4th bridesmaid, but I’m also close with his other two sisters and am so excited to have them as sisters. His other two sisters are 5-7 years older than me also. My fiancé feels pressured to have both of their significant others in the wedding if I have them as bridesmaids, otherwise he would not choose them, because he has so many other friends. That would make his count be 8 groomsman and 2 ushers, which seems like a lot. We’d prefer to have a max of 6. I also have two best friends that I’ve had since high school. We aren’t as close as we used to be because I’ve moved away, but still chat often, and they’ve been through so much with me. I’ve also gained so many girl friends through my fiancé, but I’ve only known them for about 2 years and don’t have the opportunity to see them as much, but still have so much fun with them. I just don’t want to have such a huge bridal party because of coordinating, our budget (bouquets, gifts, etc.), but I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings and I really would love them all to be a part of our day. Does anyone have any thoughts, advice, suggestions to help me make a decision? Anyone experiencing something similar? Appreciate any feedback!!
Latest activity by Slrhoshi, on January 12, 2021 at 7:18 AM
Biggest thing is only choose you who want on your day not whom you feel obligated to choose. My hubby is friends with my best friends husband but they are not that close and he did not stand by his side just because his wife did and that has happened in every wedding I have been in where the SO is simply a guest so he is not obligated. I would not choose HS friends you are not close to or his sisters unless you truly want them there.
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I agree with Kristen. Not everyone needs to be included in the wedding party. Only choose those who you are closest to and who you want by your side on your wedding day. Don't choose anyone out of obligation, or to make the sides even (they don't have to be even), or because they asked you to be in their wedding party, or because you're afraid they'll feel offended if you don't pick them, etc. If you really want to include them, but don't want them as bridesmaids, you could always ask them to do a reading during the ceremony! Otherwise, you aren't obligated to include anyone who you don't want to include as a bridesmaid.
First of all, no one should be pressuring anyone to do anything. You and fiance make the decision and everyone else stays out of it.
Pick your nearest and dearest closest most supportive people you currently communicate with. Unless you personally are bff's with fiance's sisters or cousins, they can stand on his side if he wants them or be guests. This is not a role to be given to anyone out of obligation. If you haven't talked to Friend A since high school, don't make her a bridesmaid. If you were a bridesmaid for Friend B, don't make her a bridesmaid. If parents/inlaws/fiance pressure you to include your sibling or his, don't make them a bridesmaid. Also this forum is full of threads where brides have chosen their attendants 1-2 years out and the relationship changed and they were never close to begin with. Those brides want to keep the friendship but toss the bridesmaid which you can't do. For that reason, don't pick/ask anyone prior to 9 months before the wedding. Also, something that gets frequently overlooked and ignored is not everyone wants to be a bridesmaid/reader/usher and would prefer to be a guest with no responsibility except having fun. No one will be upset if they are not a bridesmaid. At the same time, do not give someone an honorary title because it's seen as a pity role even if that isn't your intention.
You can always find other ways to include people that are special to you but that you don't necessarily have room for in the wedding party. Maybe they could do a reading in the wedding for you or do a toast at the reception? Or maybe you could just invite them to your bachelorette party (if you're having one). You could always tell them that you did want them in the wedding party you just had to keep things small and ask them if there's anything they want to do or be included in that would make them feel special. I would say though that if you include one of his sisters you probably should include the other two unless you're really secure in your relationship and communication with them.
Pick who you truly want to be there, not who you feel obligated to pick. A good way to think through this, is thinking into the future. When you think about looking at your wedding pictures in the future, do you see the people mentioned above in those pictures, and are you happy with that? Do you think all of those relationships will stay strong through the future?
Another thing to keep in mind is that you don't have to have the SO of a bridal party member also be included in the wedding party. Don't feel like you have to include SO's in your wedding party, because there's no rule that says they have to be in it.
I have two friends that I've stayed in contact with since elementary school, but they aren't in my bridal party. We're still close, but we speak a few times a year and don't meet up often. Just because you've known someone for years, doesn't mean they have to be part of your wedding party, so don't feel as if you're obligated to include every friend you've known for years.
So your wedding is still a year and a half away so you have plenty of time before you really have to ask anyone. I recommend waiting until about nine months prior to the wedding. There really isn't anything they need to know or do before that. Many people ask too early then end up regretting their decision myself included. I would also recommend only asking those who you can't imagine not having by your side. I don't agree that if you were to have his two older sisters in your wedding that he has to have their significant others in your wedding. That just seems silly. My husband's sister was a bridesmaid in our wedding and never once did we think her husband had to be included nor did either of them expect us to include him. It sounds like the most logical would be to have your three best friends for sure and then decide as time passes who the other bridesmaids will be. I will say you don't have to have six just because he wants to have six. I wouldn't ask anyone though until you've decided for sure and like I said before I would avoid asking this far out.
I hate this unspoken rule. My fiancée sister I can't stand her because she was a bully to him and still attempts to manipulate things even now. She is NOT going to be in the bridal party as I didn't ever plan that nor does he wish her to be. The problem comes when you include one but not the others. Either include all or none. Making exceptions leads to hurt feelings and arguments. There are other ways to include them.