Children from a previous marriage and changing your last name

^nope

ETA: IDK why people assume 1. their daughters will get married 2. it will be to a man 3. they will change their name

Amy, you do know that IF AND when they get married, they DON'T have to change their names right? Hopefully, by the time they are ready to get married, this will be even less an issue than it is now. Also males can change their names when they get married if they want.

Your FH just needs to get over it. It's just a name. YOU need to make this decision, not your husband, not your kids. If you do want to change it, You can explain that people change their names. One day they will grow up, get married, and possibly change their names too.

If I told my kids bullshit like that, I'd be disappointed if they didn't roll their eyes at me or laugh in my face.

I mean it's really your personal choice. But I know that I wouldn't want to keep an ex's name, no way! I'm not even keeping my maiden name for a middle or hyphenated name

I have a child from before I met FH who has my last name. I think I've finally decided to change my name to my husbands. My son said he doesn't care and neither does my FH. When it comes down to it, your name is either gonna be different from your kids or from your husband. It doesn't really make a difference.

Oh, I even read an article recently about a couple that chose not to keep either of their names. They decided to make up their own. They chose something that represented them! That's pretty cool

Its a personal decision,do your best to explain it to children but never to ask permission,we as adults make the decisions,,both the easy and hard ones,,, you will both love the children no matter what,,,

I agree with @lagosera and @anne. The kids will survive with different last names. I personally wouldn't want to enter a new marriage with my ex's last name and nor would I have liked it if my spouse had something like that. I think it's a little strange to not close a door on the ex's name when starting something new. I also don't understand the 'kids come first' part for this case. Assuming they are still going to be cared for and loved the same way, not understanding how a different last name affects them. I know quite a few people who don't share a name with a set of their parents and they are all well adjusted human beings. Actually with a coworker now in that situation and he said he got over it like he got over knowing santa didn't exist.

UO but I can see where your FH is coming from. I think this is one of those things where you and your FH and children need to all sit down and talk about it.

My son has my maiden name (even tho ex was married to me, he abandoned me when I was 2 months pregnant.) but if he did have exs name I don't think I'd leave my name as that.

I've been giving it a lot of thought since I made this post. I've read what everyone had to say and I know that there is a lot of guilt wrapped up around changing my name and being different than my girls. And once I really realize the core of it, I very much want to take FH's last name and leave the past behind me. It doesn't change how I feel about my babies. I was so worried about their feelings. Im a worrier

I respectfully disagree, I think it's kind of disrespectful to your husband to keep your ex-husband's last name. I understand that your children may feel some type of way but when they grow older they may not even care either way. Sometimes we cater too much to our children that they may end up becoming entitled and unable to have healthy conflict resolution skills. I think an honest, healthy, and heartfelt conversation with the children would help diffuse the situation a bit. It would be helpful to explain to them that even though you are changing your last name, it doesn't change how much you love them.

I am about to get remarried and am keeping my ex married name hyphenated with my new last name since i still have a minor child at home. My FH is completely ok with it and understanding. So I'm lucky in that aspect. I also grew up in a divorced household and had a different last name than everyone in my house since i was an only child in my mom's first marriage. I had many people in my life not pair me and my mom and step father and sisters together and i felt like the oddball. I would have loved for my mom to have had a hyphenated name with mine and her new last name. I'm hyphenating mine...at least until my child graduates highschool. (I've done this previously with my first born child who is now 22. Kept his last name and hyphenated it with my new last name when child #2 came along). My FH my me with a hyphenated last name so it's not a big deal. So what makes you and your kids happy. Good luck!

I know this post is old, but sheesh. Women give other women some really terrible advice 😂. No self respecting man A) would propose to a woman who still carries her former husband’s last name B) would be okay with you hyphenating your previous married name. You are starting a new union and as difficult as it may be for children to understand the different last name, they will adjust.

I know this is an older post, and I hope everything has worked out with you in this situation. I have three boys from my EH and My boys didn't mind me dropping there Dads last night when I married my new husband, they understood why, but I did ask them how they felt about it...My new husband and I never had kids so it wasn't a big deal. His son has his name and my boys has there dads. Although my Husband didn't seem to matter either way, I think its weird to keep an Ex-Husbands last name when you get remarried.

View Quoted Comment I come one peace: The kids don't come first. Your partner comes first. If your partner is happy, the whole house is happy. Everyone in the house benefits from from the parents being happy.

View Quoted Comment But you know what is common? Divorce. Stating you won’t take your husband’s name is selfish and means you are already clinging to “you” and the past instead of y’all and the future 🤷🏾‍♂️

What did you decide? I'm in the same situation and I don't know what to do. I'm 47 and getting remarried. I currently have my ex last name as it's the same as my kids. I can't imagine not having the same last name that my son will always have, but I also can't imagine not having my FH last name. Everyone I talk to tells me NOT to hyphenate, that it's a disaster. FH understands and doesn't care what I end up doing. I've had my ex last name since I was 20, my whole career and Everyone knows me as that last name.