Children from a previous marriage and changing your last name

I think you should do what YOU want, not what your husband wants. i don't have kids, but i am not planning to change my name, so i probably won't have the same last name as our kids. that isn't that uncommon in this day and age.

My 8yr old daughter wants to keep her last name and gain my FH'S last name too. I might have to hyphenate hers.

For me, the kids feelings need to come first. I get where your FH is coming from, but he's a grown man and I think he can take one for the team.

Yes, my girls and I have always been so close because their dad did not do that much with them. And when he walked out the door it was just me and them. And whether it seems ridiculous or not, I would feel bad dropping the name and taking on FH's and our son's name

Yes, the children come first but they need to understand that when people get married their last name changes. Your daughters will get married some day and your last names will be different at some point. That does not change the relationship with your babies.

Children need to learn that they don't get to make decisions for adults, and you shouldn't even be asking them about this. They can't possibly understand the ramifications of it. Furthermore, how on Earth is it appropriate to give them more say than your husband in a decision like this?

@Casey I never asked my daughter. She asked me if my name was going to change so I was honest with her. I told her exactly what you guys have been saying because I'm always honest and realistic with my kids. I simply came on here to ask what you guys thought about it

When my mother remarried she changed her last name and changed my last name while putting my original last name as a second middle name. In my situation I ended up resenting her a lot for doing that. If you want to add your new last name to there names I'd hyphenate it and change yours fully. Or just leave their last names alone. If the ever want to change it to your new husband's last name let them. If they want to get rid of his last name let them. No one can ever change who their biological father is. Also don't make a fight out of a last name or guilt trip them into keeping your new husband's last name.

Sorry for the rambling hope that makes sense.

I am in the same situation. I had always thought I was going to hyphenate until I actually got engaged. Someone brought to light the respect of the names and how it would make my new husband feel to keep my ex-husbands name. He would never actually ever make me feel bad for keeping my previous name but I am now excited to change my name, no hyphen.

I think you should hyphenate. My Mom kept my Dads last name when she married my ex step Dad. She didn't change it until she married my other step Dad when I was 14. It was okay by then. Growing up it was nice to have the same name. Your husband needs to understand.

My parents divorced when I was 16. My mom remarried and took her H's last name which didn't bother me at all. When she and the new H divorced several years later, she went back to her previous married name "because she wanted the same name as her kids". I was already married by then and didn't have the same last name anyway, although I have a brother. We both thought it was odd for mom to go back to our dad's last name. We don't have a good relationship with her and sharing a last name didn't make it any better.

When I divorced when my oldest was 3, I went back to my maiden name, then took my H's name when I remarried. He adopted my daughter a year later and we all had the same name then. We have 3 daughters and we will all ultimately have different last names - that doesn't make us any less related.

My point is that last names don't define relationships.

Tell her you will be sad when her name changes when she gets married.

Im torn because I want to share my FH's name, however I will no longer share names with my own sons but will with his son. And I don't want to hyphenate. Ill probably end up changing to FH's but atleast I know my sons will carrying on my maiden name of which I only have sisters.

My parents divorced when I was 4 and my mom changed her name back to her maiden name - never had even one issue nor did I care that our names were different. In this day and age it's not uncommon to have different last names than your parents.

I suppose I kind of agree with him.

I think this is entirely your choice. If you are comfortable w/ your ex's last name as part of your name (seems like you are) then keep it.

ETA and LOL at everyone assuming every woman changes her name when she gets married.

I think it's more common now a days for children to have different last names than their parents for various reasons. I do understand where your FH is coming from. Maybe talk to him again about the option to hyphenate and then when your children get older to drop your ex's last name. I'm assuming your daughter is younger. I'm sure when she gets older she will understand, when you want to drop your ex's last name from the hypen.

I had the opposite issue. I didn't want to change my maiden name but did so I could have the same name as H kids. That was very important to me. Also our future kids will have the same name as their siblings. One big happy modern family.

Your name, your rules. Do what you want. There is no law that says women must take their husband's name. It's an archaic tradition that has no place in 2017 unless it's CHOICE.

My FH is planning on legally adopting my kids. Hopefully their dad will just sign whatever documents. He's a real gem. *insert eye roll*

ETA: my kids Will be almost 15 by the time we marry. They are excited to change their name as FH is the only father figure they have had.

Maybe explain to your kids the situation and ask what they want?

I explained to my daughter's that when they get married they will be changing their names also. I also told her that I wouldn't correct her teachers or friends when they came me by her last name. It all came to reassurance. With boys maybe it would be different for me but at some point we wouldn't have the same name because they are girls.