Children from a previous marriage and changing your last name

My son comes first. If FH wasn't adopting him, therefore we will all have the same last name, I wouldn't be changing my name. At least until my son was done with school. I say your FH needs to be more considerate of your children and you as a mother. You suggested a compromise to hyphenate your name, that's your happy medium, he needs to get on board.

I kept my married name when I divorced my EX because we had children together, and it was easier to deal with bureaucracy regarding the kids if we shared the same name. Now my boys are grown, but I've built a professional career using my 1st married name. I'm only 5 years from retirement (so in a much different life stage than you may be, no doubt), so I'm planning on keeping my current last name (Ex's last name) for legal and professional reasons. For purely social reasons, I am considering using my FH's last name, then changing it legally after I retire. I've pitched the idea to my FH, and asked him to contemplate for at least a month before letting me know what he thinks. It will be a decision we make together. I'm seriously have no strong opinion either way, so I'm kinda leaving it up to FH.

Can you still hyphenate and only use it for the purpose of the children? Maybe if you explain that to FH he'll understand and accept it.

Eh, your name your choice.

I have a 5.5 year old from a previous marriage and right now I still have my married name. I would personally feel odd keeping any part of my married name after I remarry so I do plan to take his LN. But that's my personal choice.

Could you make your current last name your middle name?

FH needs to be a little more understanding. I would look into the laws in your state if you plan to wait to change your name (say until after your kids are grown). Some states give you a time limit for easily changing due to marriage. Good luck!

I grew up with a different last name from my mother. I lived.

I personally think it's really weird to go into a new marriage with your ex's last name, unless you're well known in your profession by that last name.

Mine and my sister's last names are different than my mom and dad's because we share the same biological father. My mom was married when she had us, divorced and married my now dad and even had two boys after. My sister and I are the only ones with different last names. We approached the idea of legally changing our names to match theirs but decided against it because first off, everyone has always known us as we are already named. And second, we will eventually be changing our names due to marriages. We don't see ourselves any less than family because we have different last names. Maybe try to explain that to the daughter who is questioning and a bit upset about the change?

My mom changed her last name when she remarried when I was a kid. I never thought twice about her having a different last name. If you feel like you have to keep the last name I would hyphenate it with your middle name and not your new last name.

I'm in the exact same situation. My fiance would not be cool with me keeping the previous married name AT ALL. But also, he wants to have kids, so if I kept the current name for my daughter, then I wouldn't have the same name as future children. I am pretty torn on it myself.

OP, are you and your FH planning on having children together? You don't have to answer that, but if yes that might also be something to think about / discuss with him as far as the name goes.

I really appreciate what you have all said so far. I was actually thinking along the lines of what

@patricia was saying. I could hyphenate it and use my current last name with anything kid related because believe me I know how much easier that would be! Lol

And I gotta fend for my man, he is fantastic and he only gave me his honest feelings and I asked for them. I think we should definitely talk a little more. My idea had always been to drop the old name once the kids were grown.

So can I hyphenate and still use one or the other as I need? Because that really would be the best of both worlds

I'm in the same situation. I have 2 children with my ex. I kept my married name after the divorce. I remarried in April and I still haven't changed my name. I'm not sure if/when I will. Although the kids say it's ok with them, I can tell it would be hard for them. My husband said whatever I want is fine with him. He says we're married no matter what my name is and that's what is most important to him.

I'm in a similar position. I'm coming into this marriage with 2 kids and FH is coming into it with 1. I plan on hypening my last name so that I have the same last name as all 3 kids. My FH has zero issues with it but the major difference is I kept my maiden name the first time around and gave my kids my name instead of their fathers. We've even discussed him hyphenating his name so that he also has the same last name as all of the kids. In the it's your name and you have to live with it and I think if it's important to you and your kids then it bears further discussion and some compromise.

@Jaxz Yes, I think further discussion because if I listen to heart it doesn't want to be different than my babies. Not yet anyway. I really think I would cry. I will definitely have to let FH know

I'm in the flip side of that. I've been with my FH for 14 years, we have 2 kids together who both have his last name. In the 12 years since our daughter was born I've only ever had 2 minor issues with us having different last names. Nowadays its not that uncommon for a mom to have a different last name. To be honest, I frequently get called by my kids last name anyway by teachers etc

@Kimberly you're lucky. My son still has his sperm donor's name and I have problems all the time. I was finally going to get to change his name but FH has decided he wants to adopt my son, so we have again put off changing his name until he adopts him so we only do it once!

I have two children( one from a previous relationship) and I have never had the same last name of either of them. Once FH and I are married one of my kids will have the same last name as FH and I. None of us are making a big deal out of it. I have never had any issues business wise or parenting with us having different last names.

I think it will only be a big deal if you make it a big deal.

I agree with your husband. This is a new marriage. New name. Explain to your 8 year old that this is what happens when people are married. Boom problem solved.

I'd hyphenate. Your kids come first and you are already compromising by taking his name at all. Also its your name. You get to decided if it changes or not, not him.

I never married my oldest child's father, I was 18 when I had her and she has her dad's last name. My other 2 children are from my ex husband, when we divorced I went back to my maiden name. They don't care that we have different last names. They care that they are taken care of and loved. I've also never had any issues with doctor appointments or school with having different last names.

@Powers2. FH and I have a son together and he has his name. So their are 5 kids total.