Childfree By Choice? (life, not wedding)

I'm pretty committed to staying childfree .. if not forever, then for a really long time. i just have no desire to worry about someone besides fh and i. and to be fair, with his occupation as a police officer and the amount of time he's already away from home for work, it just might not be fair to me as i would essentially be a single parent most of the childs life.

I have no intentions of judging anyone that feels this way but i am curious about it.

I'd like to understand how two people can conciously decide to never have children? I just don't understand it.

I have second cousins, they are actually my dad's cousins and they have been married to their husband's for a long time. And neither of them have any children and as far I know, never wanted any.

I think most people in the family just think they are weird or strange though they never say so to their face, we just don't understand them I guess.

My FH is very set on wanting to be child free for a while, I'm okay with that seeing that I am only 20, but every now and then I get the baby wants lol but I know it will happen when it's suppose to

I don’t understand why people think it’s weird NOT to have kids. Who says we’re supposed to have them? I blame society on dictating the flow of things in our lives ….. first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in the baby carriage ….. says who???? DH and I have gone back and forth on this issue since we have met. DH and I will be debt free next year, that will only last 2 seconds if we have kids. Having kids is a lot of work and some people just don’t want to go down that road. I’m pretty sure we will be having kids but it’s not at the top of our priority list. For some people their lives are fulfilled without having kids, doesn’t make them weird.

I wan't children, I love children they make my world go around. DH and I don't have any children and we both wan't them. But we agree'd to stay childfree for a while. We just know now is not the time. I do happen to get baby fever REALLY BAD but I've been sticking to our plan. & keep telling myself, "it'll happen when it happens"

I think you should do whatever will create the best life for you and your spouse, whether that includes children or not.

I'm not planning on having children! I was never hit with that maternal instinct. I just don't have the patience for kids. Why would I put my child through that! I'm also 41 and my husband is 59 will be 60 in a week. Would you have us raising a child at our age just because society expects it!!!

It's so awkward when someone puts you on the spot about children. My FH and I have been together over 7 years and didn't care which came first children or marriage, we figure either order we would be blessed. Unfortunately, pregnancy hasn't happened. I am not in my childbirth prime anymore, so we have accepted the fact that children may not be in our future. I think it's a very personal decision and one that only each couple can make for themselves.

Jaclyn, what is there to understand? Some people know they want kids, and some people know they don't. We don't. It's really, truly, honestly, as simple as that. We want to focus our time and energy and money on something other than raising children.

I always wanted kids but never cared how I got them. It's different than not wanting children, but I still always got comments about how "there's nothing like holding your baby for the first time" like adopting children is somehow less amazing than delivering them.

It's infuriating that we are expected to have children. It's not fair. I enjoy my time and my fh and sleep. My family is pushing me having children and it's horrible the pressure and expectation. If I was planning on being child-free my family would go nuts. His too. What's "worse" than choosing not to have children is planning on only having one. People go super crazy at the thought that we would choose to have an only child. When research show they are just as adjusted and happy as those with siblings. I made a promise to myself never to force the expectation of having children onto my child--or marriage. She/he can choose to marry or not, have children or not and that is their decision and I will respect that. So for those of you who know in your heart having children isn't for you, good for you, and don't let society tell you there is something wrong with that decision.

Mrs Jaclyn Wilson - having a meal at a restaurant stateside while a 10 month old child screams their head off makes me understand very well why some choose not to ever have kids. Hell, buying my 2 year old godson a pair of shoes that 1) cost more than most of MY shoes ($45!) and 2) he will out grow in 3 months so he'll need another pair REALLY made me understand why some don't ever want to have kids. Kids aren't for everyone. To each their own.

Ohhh, and to anyone who says that not having children of your own is a selfish act -

I'd tell them that THEY are in fact the selfish ones, seeing as the Earth is already over populated and there are plenty of orphaned children waiting to be adopted.

Do I believe this to be true? Absolutely not, it is a ridiculous statement to make. But if people are going to spout off redonkulous bulls#!t to me, I'm going to send it right back lol!

I think a lot of time when people asked childless couples about childbearing plans, they are just making small talk. It is annoying, but incredibly common. I also don't think it is wierd to not want children - probably because I have several aunts 7 uncles that never had children.

Http://www.cnn.com/2012/05/11/living/kinsman-never-a-mother/index.html

Tell them you helping the world from becoming more over-populated.

Sorry people are telling your that you're selfish. I fail to see how not wanting children is selfish. I mean, what kid wants a parent that didn't want them?

Why can't I be selfish. Why can't I spend all of the money I make on fh and myself? Why do I need to bring another person into this world if 1. i dont' want to and 2. i know i will not be a good mother. Why are we still forcing women and men as well, to feel that they HAVE TO HAVE BEBBBBBBEHZZZZ to be 'normal'.

Whats weird to me is that people wanna know about having children because its like asking " When do you plan to start having sex with out protection"... ew.

I agree, Sara, that sometimes it's just conversation, but it's like pornography, you know it when you see it - there's idle chitchat and there's patronizing nagging.

I'm bemused by it all. My stepsister is an OBGYN who recently conceived - the other day she said something cutsie like, "be careful it may be hereditary". A wanted to throttle her... yes, pumpkin, it might be contagious... I might suddenly magically want kids and my vasectomy might reverse itself overnight.

I would also like to add that my aunt and her husband do not, and have never wanted kids. They are very happy with their lives, and nobody has ever questioned it. It's not for everyone. My aunt loves kids, she just never wanted any of her own.

I'm delighted to see people respond with similar attitudes, considering how contentious the childfree reception posts are.

Knock on wood, Patrick (pun not intended) Crazy things like vasectomy reverses can happen lol!