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Suzie
Super October 2021

Changing your last name? Why/why not?

Suzie, on October 7, 2019 at 8:37 PM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 84

Hey everyone. I am on the fence about whether or not to change my name. FH is not pushing it at all, and in fact is encouraging me not to. His last name is long and complicated, no one pronounces it correctly, and he always has to spell it. Mine is very simple. I don’t have a good relationship with...

Hey everyone. I am on the fence about whether or not to change my name. FH is not pushing it at all, and in fact is encouraging me not to. His last name is long and complicated, no one pronounces it correctly, and he always has to spell it. Mine is very simple. I don’t have a good relationship with my dad, so I have no real attachment to it, other than it has always been my name, and my sister and I share it. My son has his father’s last name (not FH), and FH and I do not plan on having our own children. I know it prob sounds silly to not want to change it bc mine is “easier,” but it seems like a lot of work and hassle to go through for something so complicated. Are you changing your last name? Why did you choose your choice? Thanks in advance!


84 Comments

  • Johnanddanna
    Beginner November 2019
    Johnanddanna ·
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    I'm in the same boat, my last name is so easy, it also flows very well with my first name. My FH has a last name that gets mutilated, it is miserable to watch people even read it, much less attempt to say it. It never goes well.

    We aren't having children, that would be a huge reason why I would change it.

    My family says, keep your easy name, but his family would be very upset, if i didnt take their last name. I am so torn.
    • Reply
  • Kylie
    Dedicated October 2022
    Kylie ·
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    I completely understand. FH and I were just having this conversation last night. He will support whatever I choose but I just don’t know. I don’t have a relationship with my father. But I’m one of the last people with my last name left. And I know this will sound weird but FH last name just doesn’t sound normal. I guess because I’m so used to mine. Idk girl I’m in the same boat
    • Reply
  • Cassandra7
    Super August 2006
    Cassandra7 ·
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    I didn't change my name because it's my name. It's always been my name. I never considered changing it. Nothing in 35 years of marriage has made me regret that decision.

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  • Camilla
    Dedicated June 2021
    Camilla ·
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    My sister-in-law didnt take my borther's last name because of the same reason.

    I have a friend whos husband took her last name.

    I personally am going to take my FH's last name

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  • Naikesha
    Super September 2020
    Naikesha ·
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    Not changing mine and my FH is ok with it.

    We don't plan on having any kids (we both have 1 son each) so there's no concern about family/kids names. Do what works for you. I did joke with my fiancé about him taking my name and he actually gave me a look and then said not a bad idea but we decided not to. We even thought to hyphen both our last names but decided against that as well.

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  • Tamika
    Expert October 2019
    Tamika ·
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    Well... LOL, I am waiting one year before I change my name to his. It's complicated to explain.
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  • Suzie
    Super October 2021
    Suzie ·
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    Keep in mind it is your name and your choice! Don’t let his family talk you into it if you don’t want to. It should be between you and FH, that’s it! Good luck to you on deciding!

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  • Suzie
    Super October 2021
    Suzie ·
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    Glad that FH supports you either way! Good luck deciding, it’s so difficult!

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  • Suzie
    Super October 2021
    Suzie ·
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    That’s interesting he took her name!

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  • Suzie
    Super October 2021
    Suzie ·
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    The hyphenate can be a lot! I have friends who both hyphenated their names, but luckily they both had short last names, so it flows well. My FH was not having the name change reversed lol. I wouldn’t want that either, though, it would just sound like my dads name if he was Mr. mylast.

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  • O
    Dedicated November 2019
    Olivia ·
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    Oh we're changing our last name to something completely new. Here's why:

    He's not close to his family and actually dislikes his entire first and last name but doesn't want to take my name, which is totally fine. I don't want to take his name. And to combine the names we get James-LeBron or LeBron-James. Let the laughter and teasing ensue for a lifetime. Yeah- **** that. We're going for our marriage license next Friday so we need to make a final choice VERY soon from our little list of names we both like.
    • Reply
  • Suzie
    Super October 2021
    Suzie ·
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    Wow, what a name combo! Maybe you can combine the two to create a new one? Good luck deciding!

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  • Megan & Kyle
    Just Said Yes January 2021
    Megan & Kyle ·
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    I was married almost 20 years ago (long story short it did not work out and it was really for the best), and I took his name, despite not feeling like it fit. I gave it my all and did everything I could to really make it all work but it just didn't work out and the name has always felt like the wrong fit. Now, I am getting married to the man I have been with for the last 6 years, who is the most amazing man and father and we ALL agree (including my ex) that this is how it should be. However, instead of taking his name, I am using this time to go back to my maiden name and he has decided to take my last name for his own. This was not my suggestion, but his. Turns out, he doesn't really like his last name anyway. It all works out in the end, I guess! Haha!

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  • A
    Just Said Yes November 2019
    Alli ·
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    I'm keeping mine and adding his. So it'll be hyphenated. It's a funny sounding combination, but that's the simplest way to go, i think.

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  • E
    Just Said Yes December 2019
    e6743 ·
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    We both aren't attached to our middle names so now we are both moving my last name to our middle names and I'm taking his last name. Our kids will also have two middle names and his last name.
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  • L
    Just Said Yes November 2019
    Laura ·
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    I’m not changing my name. A big reason is I don’t want to have to go through the hassle to change it when my fiancé won’t have to do anything. I’m also not a fan of the assumption that a woman is the one who should be expected to change her last name so there is a family name. Why does the man not have to change his to the woman’s? I also have graduated college, law school, passed the bar and joined the bar association, and started my professional career with my current name. I don’t think I should have to give that up because I’m getting married. i also done see any reason we have to share a last name, we’ll be just as married & in love without it without the same last name. My fiancé doesn’t care what I do, but doesn’t want to change his name (which is fine cause I don’t either haha). We are planning to have kids at some point and we haven’t decided what to do with their names, but we’re considering hyphenating.
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  • Suzie
    Super October 2021
    Suzie ·
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    That’s so sweet! Glad this is working for you this time around! Sometimes you just know it’s right ☺️

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  • Suzie
    Super October 2021
    Suzie ·
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    It would be a long name for me to hyphenate. I have friends who both did this when they married and it worked out well for them!

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  • Suzie
    Super October 2021
    Suzie ·
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    What a great compromise to both change!

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  • Suzie
    Super October 2021
    Suzie ·
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    Yes, my thought too, our marriage won’t mean less if I keep my name. It is such a process! I want to keep my maiden name for work regardless. I wish I had hyphenated my son’s last name!

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