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M&MPALMER7
Dedicated December 2016

Changing wedding plans after save the dates sent

M&MPALMER7, on April 19, 2016 at 5:34 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 31

Hi!

I'm in a weird situation and considering changing my wedding plans. I may move my venue from philly to jersey and my date from Dec 17 to dec 3. The probelm is my save the dates already went out and people already know my original venue and stuff.

Has anyone changed their date and/or venue. I feel stupid having to tell everyone we switched our plans.

31 Comments

Latest activity by Laura, on April 19, 2016 at 2:58 PM
  • Miss.MtoMrs..K
    Master October 2016
    Miss.MtoMrs..K ·
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    I'm not sure about this you may have to just make a lot of calls. Have the invites been sent or no and when is the wedding? Hey I live in jersey Smiley smile ha but our wedding will be in Miami . Hopefully someone has dealt with this and has suggestions things do happen and people have changed the dates or venues I'm sure .

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  • Elizabeth
    Master December 2016
    Elizabeth ·
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    You need to call everyone and let them know. Just make a call list and include every person you sent a STD to.

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  • Beutivant
    Master May 2016
    Beutivant ·
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    I'm not sure what your reasons are, but please be certain this is your best/only option before you change your city and/or date. And please personally contact each guest who received a save the date. FH and I got a text on Sunday asking for our address for a friend's STD. I texted back and asked for the date. I have already asked off from work and we have started looking for flights and prices. We haven't bought yet, but in order to get the best price possible, will likely do so immediately after receiving the actual STD. If two months later, I was to find out that the date or location of the wedding changed, I'd be very upset about losing my money.

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  • MNBride
    Master June 2017
    MNBride ·
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    Why did you send out stds before you had a venue booked?

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  • SimpleSeamstress
    Master June 2015
    SimpleSeamstress ·
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    I'm curious about the reason for the change...

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  • twostep127
    Super June 2016
    twostep127 ·
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    OP posted about this yesterday- her original venue has massive construction going on and there is a legal dispute between the event host/caterer and building owner about it. It's a very expensive and well-known venue in the Philly area, so I understand her not wanting to shell out $$$$ for a venue that may be covered in scaffolding on her wedding day.

    Edited because it's too early for grammar.

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  • Celia Milton
    Celia Milton ·
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    Reason four million and six to not send STD's. Because we can't control everything venue, budget and universe related.

    Call everyone.

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  • Jacqui76
    Master May 2016
    Jacqui76 ·
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    I would probably let people know by calling, emailing, or whatever you have to do. It's not a huge deal about the venue, since you're not moving it that far away. Save the dates usually don't list the venue anyway so it would have probably just said Philadelphia. South Jersey is still Philly area so that's not that bad.

    My only concern would be the change of date.

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  • Beutivant
    Master May 2016
    Beutivant ·
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    Celia- I have seen examples and situations on these forums where save the dates have caused problems, so I really do get what you are saying. But you don't think there is ever a time they are needed? Maybe it's just me personally, but I have a job where I work on the weekends. In order to have to any chance of getting off, I have to ask off sooooo far in advance. Also I am on a tight budget all the time. In order to be able to attend your wedding, I need notice. If I find out about an out of town wedding 4-6 weeks before, there is no way in hell I would be able to get off work and be able to afford to go. So do you suggest word of mouth? It's less formal than the actual STD, but yet, how is that different if in the end the couple changes their date, venue or guest list? My wedding is on a holiday weekend. If every one of our OOT guests attended, we would need 91 rooms the night of our wedding. I am having a hard time justifying not sending out STDs with a situation like that when people need to budget, plan and book hotel and flights on a busy weekend.

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  • twostep127
    Super June 2016
    twostep127 ·
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    @Beutivant I agree with you that there is a time and place for STDs, especially for VIP guests. BUT I also agree with Celia that they are overused, mostly because newly engaged couples are eager to get something with their names and wedding date out there...it's exciting! We sent them 9 months out, and we definitely would have made some small changes to the guest list over the winter had we not. So I think the "VIP rule" applies here, since those are the people that will definitely stay on the list and would be easy to contact if anything changes.

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  • Beutivant
    Master May 2016
    Beutivant ·
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    Thanks, twostep. We have been engaged since Nov 2014. Our guest list has been decided and hasn't changed once since Jan 2015. So I am hoping that my situation can be one of the times it's OK? Also-I thought I read on here that sending STDs to only some of your guest list is rude. No? I know you must send an invite to everyone who received a STD. Is it okay to send invitations to people who didn't received STDs?

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  • Princess Consuela
    Master November 2015
    Princess Consuela ·
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    I agree that STDs can be useful at times, but I don't understand why they'd be sent without SOLID plans in place. OP, why are you thinking of changing things up?

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  • twostep127
    Super June 2016
    twostep127 ·
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    @Beutivant I definitely think it's ok to send invites to people who didn't get STDs- we had a few last minute additions from our parents that we did that for. You just have to be careful about people who will definitely talk about whether they received an STD, e.g. in the same friend group. Like I said, we had a handful of people that were on our list last fall that I probably would have cut a few months later...so if there's any hesitation for certain people, I would steer clear until invites go out. Otherwise, I get what you're saying and do also think they're helpful as a guest!

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  • Beutivant
    Master May 2016
    Beutivant ·
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    Sorry to hijack your post, OP. Good luck with whatever you decide. But definitely contact each guest, especially OOT, if you wind up changing your date.

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  • FFW
    Master August 2016
    FFW ·
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    I haven't but I've seen it done the couple just sent out a 2nd round of STDs. But no more changes, k?

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  • ELK
    Master March 2018
    ELK ·
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    Did you end up getting in at Brigalias?

    I would call everyone and send a second round of STDs since you already sent them out. Definitely make sure you get in touch with everyone you sent a STD to.

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  • Lauren17
    Master July 2017
    Lauren17 ·
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    I think you need to call everyone personally and let them know about your change of plans.

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  • Celia Milton
    Celia Milton ·
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    I hate them mostly because they are sent out far too early in the planning, before the entire impact of the budget, size of venue and other details are set in stone. You're excited. You want the world to know, and that is totally understandable. But then you're tied into a date, a venue, a time, and to some extent a budget. If your venue closes, your budget dries up, you're sunk.

    Weddings have been happening for centuries without STD's. You set a date, you call your VIPs (I mean, really, everyone you invite should be a VIP; if it doesn't really matter if they're there, why invite them at all?) If you're having your wedding the Sunday of the Superbowl in the same city, yes, STD's might be useful, but in most cases not.

    Part of this, again, is a product of wedding creep and the evolution of 'the wedding' to 'THE EVENT OF THE CENTURY'. You invite people. Some can come, some can't. Some are delighted, some....not so much. When you consider how much it costs, in time, money and emotion, to attend a wedding, it's understandable that some people will say no just because they don't want to come. (Especially if it's chicken fingers and a cash bar. Sorry. I couldn't help myself...)

    It's not the end of the world or the end of your friendship.

    Set a date. Call your parents, your siblings, your grandmas. That's all the people you really need anyway. And let the other chips fall where they may.

    OP has an extenuating circumstance, which sucks, but at least it's not in a month. But even her situation would be far easier without the STD's.

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  • M&MPALMER7
    Dedicated December 2016
    M&MPALMER7 ·
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    Here is the condensed version of what is going on.... Cescaphe rents the Curtis Center out for weddings. The curtis center wants to get rid of the weddings, renovate the space and do something else with it. Cescaphe has a lease with the curtis center so they legally have to rent them the space until the lease is up. Curtis center doesn't give a shit and it currently renovating. Cescaphe took them to court to stop the renovations or have control of the renovations because right now there is scaffolding in the venue and cescaphe just covered it with draping. Cecaphe has a lease through 2018 but I know for a fact that they are no longer booking weddings there.

    The whole thing is causing me stress. I have no idea what my venue is going to look like on the day of my wedding and I have no way to be sure that cesaphe and curtis center wont come to blows and break the lease right before my wedding. For a 50K wedding I don't think I should have to have this much stress about the venue.

    My parents know the owner of Brigalias. She can get us in Dec. 3rd. I already talked to all my vendors and they can switch to that date.

    I feel better that I at least have options now. I just don't know what to do. Do I stick it out with cescaphe and hope my venue is still there and looks good (I don't think it is fair to pay that much for a wedding without knowing what my venue is going to look like! I didn't sign up for a surprise wedding! I want to know what I'm paying for).... Or do i switch everything to a place I know will be there and look exactly how it is now, and not have to deal with all this stress (and save a bunch of money)

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  • Nancy Taussig
    Nancy Taussig ·
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    Can you transfer your deposit from the first venue to the second venue? Notify the people who got the STDs (phone, e-mail, or a new STD) of the new date and venue.

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