Catholic Gap

@Charlie Catholic gap threads always brings out the people saying "I'm used to them" which doesn't make it right or acceptable. They also follow up with how annoyed they are by a gap, then the bride jumps in saying "sorry I have no choice, I'm catholic." That's when I get exasperated.

I'm not catholic and I find it odd. I've been to a few catholic weddings, but nothing with a gap. Are you having a cocktail hour still or no?

@laura sorry I meant to write 'most people say the do not have a gap nor are they used to a gap. '

Everyone has a choice, it was just the tradition of it for me but that's not really worth sticking to if it's inconveniencing people so much - which I didn't realise was the opinion of so many prior to joining this site.

PP our 'cocktail hour' is for 30 mins prior to reception

Our ceremony with Mass is at 2pm. It will be about an hour and half before the guests actually leave the church(I'm not having a receiving line but I know how that goes..people still stop you and want to hug and chat..not a fan, we got the whole reception to chat)

Our cocktail hour doesn't start until 5pm. It takes 20-25 minutes to get to the venue from the church. That does leave a little extra time for the guests. Thankfully, our venue has a bar/restaurant that the guests can stop in.

To answer your question, I was never personally bothered by the gap (catholic weddings). But, I totally understand how it sucks for most people, especially those who come from out of town and have to kill 2-3 hours between your wedding. If you have the option of bumping up your ceremony, definitely do that. So many people say that doing a first look didn't ruin the "walking down the aisle" moment.

We're having one and it's completely expected in Catholic families. I think 3 hours is too long though. Any way you can start a cocktail hour earlier? If you're in a city it might be nice to provide a list of favorite places for people to go for food and drinks. If your budget allows, you can also set up a hospitality room at a hotel for OOT guests. Or arrange a trolley/bus tour around town!

I think a gap is totally fine. Completely normal around here and I kind of like the break in between. Keep your original time!

I was raised Catholic, and a lot of people in both my family and my husband's family are Catholic. If I think back on all of the Catholic weddings that I've attended, only one had the "Catholic gap." This leads me to believe that it's not necessary, with the right planning.

Honestly, gaps might be annoying, but it's a marriage, not all about a "wedding." For a bunch of Catholics there seems to be some issues with the recognition that it's a sacrament, not a party. If there's a gap, people will deal, just make sure there's an open bar at the end of the tunnel.

If you don't want a first look, don't do one. You're paying the photographer to match your schedule, not theirs. They are professionals and will find the proper time to take pictures. 2 hours for photos? Seriously? No.

To help minimize the annoyance a gap might cause, I would suggest working with a restaurant/bar/lounge in the area close to the church and reception venue where you can invite people to gather, sit, have a drink and/or some snacks. Saves them the trouble of having to wait around doing nothing, or having to track to their hotels then back.

For people who don't understand why there can be a gap, its because most weddings are on Saturday and there is usually confession and Mass in the evening. Our confession starts at 4pm, Mass at 5pm. So the wedding needs to be at 2pm or earlier so everything gets wrapped up and everyone is gone by confession time. But most receptions don't start until 5pm-ish because they are doing cocktail and then dinner.

I figure there will be about a 1/2 hour or so gap for my wedding..so a reasonable gap is possible. I don't think 30-45 minutes is too bad.

Catholic gaps were pretty normal to me, but I've only been to one catholic wedding. I'm catholic. But there is a way to not do the gap- because it's a pain not having a place to go or something to do for 3 hours.

My family always went out to lunch with other family they didn't get to see often. That said- if your ceremony is at 2, and is over at 3- then you should start your reception at 3 or 3:30 for guests to mingle, eat and drink.

Then have dinner at 5 or 5:30 as everyone will be having a grand ole time by then. But it's not okay for you to have your ceremony at 2- and then have dinner at 6. Just no. If you have an early ceremony - you have an earlier reception. Honestly, if I ate much later than 530, I'd be hangry.

Wow, I didn't even know it was considered rude until I read this!

My cousins all had long gaps in between their weddings and receptions, and we would all go out to eat or hang out at their house. It was nice because we were all dressed up and getting to spend time with family. With FH's friend's wedding, we went over one of our friend's apartments nearby and played cards inbetween. Will you be taking family photos after the ceremony? Perhaps that could lessen up some time and allow you to talk more with friends/family? Personally I enjoy attending the wedding for the whole day because I save the whole day for that person.

The "Catholic Gap" is a misnomer. The correct phrase, if there has to be one, is, "I Wanted a Catholic Wedding and an Evening Reception." or "It's Normal". Yeah, sure. Before "the gap" became a part of wedding culture, we attended countless Catholic weddings and receptions -- seamlessly -- and the cocktail hour began at 3:00 or 3:30 PM.

Yes, I've been, as a Catholic, an invitee to a wedding that started at 2:00 PM and a cocktail hour that started four hours later. I skipped the ceremony, and even the MOG, my relative, told me she told her son that he couldn't expect people to travel from an hour or two away and wander around for several dead hours. Hence her statement, "OMG, of course I understand. All they had to do was start the cocktail hour at 3:00, but they wanted their evening reception." Yeah, I know. The reception was great, massive, and fully hosted, but for me, it was all about the party since I, and 2/3 of the guests, skipped the ceremony.

No couple can expect a commitment of nine or 10 hours because they're getting married, almost half of those hours being unhosted. So, they get what they get...low ceremony turnout. They make their choice, and that's fine. I'll make mine.

I get it; my cousin's catholic wedding had a 3 hour gap. As a guest it is very annoying, especially if you are not from the town where the wedding is being held. I would try to host something during it if possible just to be kind to your guests.

Personally, if I'm ever invited to a Catholic wedding, I expect it. I've always been out of town for them too, so I actually enjoy a nice little break to go chill in my hotel room. If I didn't have a room though and couldn't go home for whatever reason, I would find it a bit annoying.

My husband and I were both raised Catholic and have been to multiple Catholic wedding with no significant gap. The longest gap we experienced was a 2 hour gap but they had a full on cocktail hour during that time. They started the first hour with plated appetizers and the second hour they had new and different passed appetizers. If you want to keep your gap to preserve the "mystery" or for some religious reason, please host that time well.

Also, we went straight into cocktail hour but we are atheists soo....yeah.

@rachel catholic gap may be a misnomer in technical terms but most people use it as a short hand way of referring to a gap between a ceremony and reception.

im just realising now that it has its own name because it must have been common at some point! Regardless we have pushed our ceremony back as much as the church will allow and brought reception forward as much as possible - those who still don't want to come will have made their point, I suppose.

My nephew just had a Catholic gap and we were ALLLLLLLLLL talking about it behind their backs. We were all PISSED!!! It was so annoying to have to get dolled up twice. We were NOT happy at all!!

I always assumed it was something that couldn't be helped as in the church only offered earlier times and the reception venue could only start at a later time. I guess I'm sort of used to it but I agree that it can be burdensome. Last time I just took my sorry self to Boston Market to hold me over lol.

I'm glad you changed it to accommodate your guests.

Try to shorten it, but no matter what feed people in between. People are annoyed by long gaps but they are pissed if they leave their house at 12 and don't get food till 7. Food and drink can hold people over for 1-1.5 hours