Catholic Gap

If there was a 3 hour gap and you're not in my most immediate family then I would skip the ceremony and just go to the reception.

It's very annoying. It makes your wedding literally take up someone's entire day.

Let's say your ceremony starts at 2. If I have to travel an hour, I need to leave at 1, and add an hour start getting ready at 12.

Then let's say your ceremony is an hour long and ends at 4, and with the gap, the reception starts at 7. Reception goes from 7-12. That's literally a persons entire day, save for a few short hours in the morning.

Unless you were my sister, I would be annoyed as hell or I'd most likely skip your ceremony, which sucks, because the ceremony is basically the most important part of the day.

Before joining WW I had never heard of having a gap, despite having attended several catholic weddings. they all took as many pictures as they could before the ceremony and then took the rest during cocktail hour. Then I experienced this the other week for a baptism and both FH and myself found it annoying because it meant our entire day was taken up by this one event. Please don't do this to your guests. It always feels like putting your "vision" above your guests comfort. (FYI: Were both Greek Orthodox.)

We have a small gap in between the wedding and the cocktail hour (my church has a reception hall) I put it there so we could do a receiving line then for pictures we made the cocktail hour an 90 minutes with a few games so the guests are entertained while we get out pictures done. We will not be doing a first look because FH and I are traditional Catholics and don't want him to see me before I walk down the isle.

So essentially you are taking around 4 hours of photos? That is extreme! I would ask your photographer why they need so much time. Even with the second location it shouldn't take that long.

I'm not Catholic, but have been to several weddings with gaps. If there's any way you can host it, I would. We are attending a wedding in October with a ceremony at 12 and cocktail hour doesn't start until 5:30... I'm not thrilled.

I am going to a wedding in October that is having a full Catholic Mass starting at 1:30, probably done around 2:30, by the time they do exits etc it will be 3:00, reception is 30 minutes from cathedral and the reception starts at 4:00. You can absolutely do a catholic wedding without a rude AF gap. We are going to check in the hotel during that 1 hour and get an Uber to the reception.

I really wanted to get married in the church I grew up in. But after speaking with the church and finding out the time slots they had I chose not to because I didn't want a 3 hours gap.

Personally, I think it's pretty rude to make people wait around with nothing to do so a BP can take photos. That's partly why there is cocktail hour. And three hours is an enormous amount of time for photos; I can't imagine even you and your BP are going to enjoy that.

It makes for a very long day for your guests (and you too!) when you factor in travel, the ceremony, the gap and the reception.

I'd say cut either add a first look in that other location or try to cut down the gap and host hors and drinks. If I was presented with a large gap, odds are I'd skip the ceremony (and I love ceremonies). I just don't really have 11 hours to spend at an event unless I'm in it.

I can tell you, as the person also waiting at the top of the aisle, there is nothing anti climactic about having done a first look. There are a dozen great reasons to do one; this is only one of them.

Honestly and told joining this form I never knew there was such a thing as a gap. I am quite appalled by it actually. I have been to for Catholic weddings, and have never been not properly hosted by the bride and groom. If there was a gap we sure didn't know about it, they were filled by cocktail hours, photo booths, or the last one had kind of a bartending Olympics that got all of the guests involved. Their photos went a little long .... but everyone was so entertained, we didn't care.

I guess that is the underlying theme, the gas probably wouldn't mind so much as long as they are being properly hosted in your "gap"

Ok it looks like I need to change the ceremony time and do a first look. I was definitely not looking forward to so many photos but it's the norm in my family/circle to do that - I will be the first to not have a gap.

Also, not meaning to offend but genuinely curious. Those who say they would skip the ceremony if there was a gap - why do you not skip the reception instead? Isn't the more important part the part where the couple actually marries? Ive been raised to believe if we have to miss the ceremony for any non non changeable reason (ie work or sickness etc) and it was just because we couldn't be bothered, then we should decline the reception also. (Again, don't mean to offend, just interested in different points of view)

Charlie, I don't think I'm alone in this one but I'm sure it'a an UO. While many people love the ceremony; the pagentry, the tradition, the symbolism and obviously, the importance and some ceremonies combine all of those thing masterfully .....many ceremonies are flat out tedious. They're boring, they're too long, they are impersonal and people simply do not enjoy them. When you factor in drastically dropping church attendance as an indicator of sorts, it becomes kind of clear that traditional church is not a format that appeals to many. (But these same qualities regularly derail ceremonies by family and not-so-great pro officiants too..)

I'm not trying to be insulting and I'm certainly not even suggesting that you forgo a ceremony that is meaningful to you; quite possibly it's one of the few parts of the day that is the most couple-driven. You should choose a ceremony that is the best for you; for some couples it truly is five minutes and a kiss, for others it's a full mass. The challenge is to make it fit seamlessly into the rest of the festivities.

I'm Catholic, and I am also used to gaps at Catholic weddings. We are probably going to have one because the latest time we can get married at our church is 2 pm. If someone wants to skip the ceremony and come to the reception, it wouldn't bother me.

I was born into a huge Catholic family. I've been to multiple weddings every year and I've never experienced a long gap. I wouldn't say this is a Catholic thing. Maybe regional, but not Catholic

I was Catholic, and though I'm not anymore, I still respect that some people have a religion that is important to them and these kinds of things can happen because of it. A 3 hour gap is not my favorite thing, but it isn't the end of the world either. I like Kelly's suggestion to try and close it up a bit.

Last year I went to a Catholic wedding where the couple opened the cocktail hour up immediately follownig the ceremony (ended at 3pm) however, they didn't serve dinner until almost 7:30pm! As you can imagine, everyone was completely shitfaced by then. Don't do that.

If your guests are Catholic, they probably won't think anything if a Catholic custom. If most of your guests are not, they will probably not appreciate it. I've only been to one Catholic wedding, and the ceremony and reception were in the same place, with appetizers served immediately after the ceremony.

I'm Greek Orthodox and it's extremely common to have a gap between the ceremony and reception for my area. I'm having a 1 hr gap.

Some people perceive it as rude, others see it as normal. There's no objective test and it completely depends on your crowd.

Everyone in my circle of family and friends expects the gap and when I asked them about whether they think it's rude, they literally laughed and said it's expected. But the length does matter--they will complain if it's more than an hour or so.

Catholic gaps are common where I'm from, I never minded them.

I tried to minimize it as much as possible. My ceremony was at 3 and cocktail hour started at 5. The ceremony was about 40 minutes and the reception was 20 minutes away. I had things planned for them to do between the hour of 4-5, but I actually got 6 inches of snow on my wedding day so no one actually did those things. It took a lot longer than 20 minutes to get to the reception as the roads weren't plowed yet, plus parking in a downtown area, so people were rolling in 4:30-4:45 and just going right until cocktail hour.

Personally, I wanted that extra hour before cocktail hour in case it snowed (which I was hoping for) to give people extra time to get there. It worked out, but I had a back up plan for things to do if there was extra time.

ETA I didn't do a first look, we took photos from 4:30-5:30 and caught the tail end of cocktail hour.

Oh god here we go again. Am I the only Catholic on WW who is absolutely not used to these gaps because none of my friends were selfish enough to do that? I had a 5pm ceremony on a Saturday and my sister is getting married in April in a different Catholic Church and got a 5pm time as well. IT IS POSSIBLE. This is so rude, push your time back.

ETA- I read more comments and it sounds like OP is willing to push back. Good job! Your guests will appreciate it.

@laura no you are not the only one, most people here on WW have said they do not have gaps or are used to them.

@Celia thank you for your honest response, has given me a lot to think about

Our reception comes with a 30 min pre dinner cocktails and canapés but adding even just half an hour means another 6k which isn't an option for us right now so I think best bet is first look