Catholic annulment: his ex-wife is not nice and the church will need to talk to her?!

I know this may vary from diocese to diocese; my uncle filed for an annulment 25 years after getting divorced, and they didn't need to speak to his ex-wife at all. It's possible for an annulment to be granted to one party and not the other. I think your FH should be very upfront and candid with the priest (and by extension, anyone else involved in the process) to explain the situation, and go over what she's tried to do in the past. This will at least prepare them for the fact that every word she utters may not be the truth.

I haven't read the rest of your post, OP, but your FH sounds well shot of this woman - based on what you've said so far, she's a poisonous shrew who's only in it for herself and to make herself look like the victim. I'm sorry you both have to deal with such a toxic person in any way.

(Cont) She wrote the same things after creating a twitter account with his name on it. He found out through friends that saw this. Anyway, the point I'm getting at is that we can see her going out of her way to tell the church things like he made her get an abortion and he beat her. Of course it would her word against his and they would find all of it to not be true... but if it's already a delayed processed, I can see this stalling it even more.

For those that went through this process with the church in the past two years, what was your experience with it? How long did it take? Is it worth it to risk getting her all riled up again after almost two years of no contact from her?

Btw, he was not baptized catholic when he got married before because I understand that it makes the process easier.

I normally don't do drama but this woman is a huge bag of it and it sucks.

Any advice would be appreciated. TIA.

My FH is divorced.. I'm catholic. We decided not to get married in a Catholic Church because we know his ex wife won't be nice.

Seconding what Megan said. Your relationship with God has little to do with what the church arbitrarily tells you to do.

1. Although it's a faster process now, the entire thing may not be completed by the time our wedding comes around *Most churches will not let you set a date until the tribunal makes their decision

2. The church lawyers will be contacting my FH's ex and asking her questions regarding their relationship, marriage, divorce, etc. *She may choose not to respond, there are many questions and require extensive answers. My ex did not respond and there was no hold up

what was your experience with it? *One of the most difficult and rewarding experiences of my life

How long did it take? *16 months

Is it worth it to risk getting her all riled up again after almost two years of no contact from her? *She may not get riled. She may even feel intimidated. But if you want to get married in the Catholic church, it's worth it.

If your fh wants this, great. No one should ever not go through an annulment because of any fear or retribution from their ex.

This is probably the main reason FH and I will not be married in the church. I dont want to deal with an annulment, I am already damned divorced and THAT took 3 years after we split. I keep ex husband out of everything dealing with my new life.

@ Asta!!! I always call myself a recovering Catholic! All of my siblings and FH agree to the term.

@O&S the catholic religion discriminates against people for many reasons, I call it like I see it. People who are catholic often disagree with these rules and restrictions.

Actually my parents were married in the Catholic church and my dad was definitely not confirmed and may not have been baptized. So yes it's possible.

H's ex wife emailed the tribunal PRETENDING TO BE ME and told them that "I" didn't think he was ready for marriage and to please put the annulment on hold. So that was fun.

We ended up getting married in a Presbyterian church because our priest got really sick and didn't file the appropriate paperwork with the tribunal like we thought he had. It was a mess. We were told over and over again that the annulment would be complete (they let us set our date and everything), only to have to move everything around two weeks before the wedding. We're still waiting for the annulment, at which point we'll talk to our priest here about a convalidation.

O&S, not necessarily...if he and ex-w didn't have a Catholic wedding, but now he and OP want to have one (and he's been baptized in the meantime), he'd have to get that first marriage annulled.

How is she remarried without the annulment already?

@rebecca - theyre probably not married in the church.

@mrsb what the actual fuck? that is insane spite right there.

@O&S I'm sorry, let me clarify. He was never baptized and was civilly married. According to the priest, it's easier if he WAS baptized because the church would have a "reason" to annul it being that he broke the rules and was married outside of a church. But because he wasn't baptized, they would have to research and "find a reason" why his marriage should be annulled.

So, technically, it really could get denied after all of this.

Thanks for all the feedback. We honestly don't know if this would rile her up and have considered giving her the benefit of the doubt... but we are wondering if that chance should be taken.

Also, it's me that wants to get married in the church since that's what I grew up in. He is willing to do whatever it takes and go through this if that's what I really wanted. But I've never experienced anyone that had a spirit that was so willing to hurt someone and prevent them from being happy as much as she tried (there was much more to what she's done but would be irrelevant to delve into at this point), that I'm honestly scared of what she's capable of trying. Even outside of this process. And I'm not even trying to overdramatize this at all!

@Beachy - Yeah, she's a peach. The priest saw right through her when we showed him her social media posts about how she was so excited to get married to her new husband...5 weeks after we got married. But it was exhausting.

Oh and the church I want to get married in allowed us to put a deposit just to save the date but they won't move past that until we've completed our preparations.

My husband went through an annulment about two years ago. The new rules went into effect after he had submitted all of his paperwork and had gone through phase one of the process (new rules removed phase two of the automatic review of the decision in phase one).

He process was filling out an extensive questionnaire and providing 2-3 witnesses that could support his "side" of the story in what happened during the marriage. Once all of the paperwork was submitted, he then had to do an in-person interview, where they also interviewed the witnesses. He also had to provide the contact information for his ex-wife. They reached out to her, but she never responded and the diocese was able to move forward without her testimony. In other words, her lack of response did not stop the process.

My husband was also not Catholic prior to his first marriage. He didn't become Catholic until after he was married the first time and then went through the whole process. In terms of baptism, the church will recognize other Christian baptisms, but it helped that he had gone through the process of becoming Catholic. In fact, all he needed to do was provide his certificate of completion for the RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults) when it came to submitting paperwork for our marriage. I, on the other hand, had to go back to the church I was baptized as a baby to get the original certificate.

My advice is create a witness list that will speak the truth. If your FH's ex-wife chooses to respond to the questionnaire, everything she says should be so far out in left field that they will figure out that she's lying. Also, get a priest that will be a strong advocate for you. The priest we worked with had connections at the diocese and was able to get my husband's paperwork moved up to the top to get it processed faster.

If your FH hasn't started the process of filling everything out, a wedding date of October 2018 may be a bit aggressive. The questionnaire takes a TON of time. These are not yes/no type questions. They are essay questions that you'll want to put a lot of thought and effort into. I believe our timing from submission to final judgement was about 9 months.

Also find out from the priest that you're working with what the average length of time is once everything has been submitted. We found out our diocese was extremely slow. We ended up submitting the paperwork in the diocese he got married in the first time, versus the one we were currently living in. That helped get the initial phase going quicker.

@O&S PREACHHHHHHH

Malei, don't be afraid! J had a very spiteful ex. She is still angry and they have been divorced for at least a dozen years!

I am no canon lawyer (but I had one) nor am I an advocate (but I had one, not a helpful one but that makes me want to help others) but get in touch with the Diocese and ask about the possibility of the Petrine privilege (if the ex was baptised and your fh was not) and / or the Pauline privilege (if both were not baptised).

One thing you could do is get married while the annulment is being sought and if it is granted, request a convalidation. It's not guaranteed but if you don't want to wait, some people do this.

Astalina: my motto Note to self: do not marry a crazy person.

I am catholic, my FH is a social catholic, he goes to church now because I go, We are getting married in the catholic church and I couldn't be happier. If you are catholic or any religion, you should do things the right way. When you marry by church, that should be the most important part of your wedding, not the party.

Many people marry by church for the wrong reasons. So if you and your FH really want to receive the blessing, you should do it as it is required.

I have worked in the past with annulment ( I do translation for the church) and it is a long process, and yes, sometimes, they contact the ex, but the decision is not based on what the ex said, the decision is based on the type of letter your FH write to the tribunal and how your priest see your relationship during the preparation.

All is worth it if you really want to get married by the Catholic Faith,

O&S, edited my post, it said "they marry me."

I make em crazy. Sometimes in a good one, other times...........????????