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February 2015

Can't attend bff wedding: Coronavirus

ThrowAway, on March 12, 2020 at 12:57 PM Posted in Community Conversations 0 6
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I'd like some advice on how to handle this situation:

One of my best friend lives in the UK and myself and her other bridesmaid both live in the US. Her wedding is next weekend in London. She has planned a very small, non traditional and short notice event that even without this coronavirus scare has been extremely stressful to manage (read: bridezilla, totally out of character for her too). While she's been engaged for about 2 years the wedding was put together in 3 months. Both myself and the other bridesmaid have attempted to be a calming influence and help out as best we can, it's not been an easy time so tensions are already running high.

Now, bring in Coronavirus... we are a very international group and people are flying in from all over the world plus my friend is Italian. A lot of of her guests were supposed to come from Italy (including her brother and aunts/uncles) and for obvious reasons aren't coming to the wedding. Now there is this travel ban for the US and Europe, both my flight and the other bridesmaids flight connected in Amsterdam and Germany so our flights have been cancelled. We both also got word that our jobs are banning all national and international travel. I'm also going though some medical stuff and my doctor recommended that I not fly. So there are a multitude of reasons why neither bridesmaid can be there.

The bride isn't speaking to either of us. We have all been friends for over 15 years and I don't know what to do! She has made it clear she won't postpone the wedding - as we brought it up with her once it became clear her brother and other family members couldn't attend and she got very very angry we even suggested it as an option. She's not answering my calls, texts or emails. Should I give her some space until after the wedding? Call on the wedding day? I'm trying not to be angry about the fact she hasn't even asked how I'm doing w/ my medical situation - since I know this must be difficult for her but it's hard not to take it personally as it's all completely out of my control. I thought we were better friends than this. What would you do?



6 Comments

Latest activity by MrsD, on March 12, 2020 at 5:23 PM
  • Madelyn
    Dedicated June 2020
    Madelyn ·
    • Flag
    Give her some time right now. She processing that her bridal party and a lot of her guests won’t be able to make it to her wedding. That’s hard to deal with. I’m sure she isn’t mad at you. You didn’t bring on the virus or implement the travel bans. In a few days, I would call her and talk to her. Maybe plan a visit to see her and her new husband once this virus slows down and you’re able to fly!
    • Reply
  • Kathryn
    VIP August 2020
    Kathryn ·
    • Flag
    It's a grieving process, and honestly it's all probably hitting her pretty hard. I agree with pp - tell her that you guys will have a bigger party once things calm down some. Let her know you're there if she needs to talk, but also let her get back to you in her own time. It'll probably be an emotional time without the added travel bans!
    • Reply
  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    I would just let her know you understand she’s upset but given the impact of the pandemic on your work and personal life it’s not viable and you wish her all the beat and are there for her if she needs. And if she doesn’t respond even after that then that’s on her because she should be understanding considering the circumstances
    • Reply
  • Katie
    Devoted March 2019
    Katie ·
    • Flag

    Read, and then read again: PUT YOUR HEALTH FIRST! While I am sick and tired of some of the needless panic that I am hearing, you in no way should compromise your health (which is a very real concern considering an existing medical condition and international travel at this time) and you are smart to stay home. Your friend is likely upset at the situation as a whole, and is just misdirecting her anger at you - this is not to make an excuse for her acting in a hurtful way to you, but it's the closest to the reality of the situation that I can guess.

    If you have already clearly told her you won't be able to travel to attend the wedding, then I would give her some space until the wedding is over. If you haven't, I would make that clear in a concise email that you cannot travel to attend, you wish her the best on her big day and then give her space. She'll come around once she's had time to feel all of these emotions and deal with the changes, hopefully with more understanding and concern for your health. Personally, I would wait for her to reach out first since it sounds like you've tried to contact her several times. With everything going on, and being out of your control (or hers!), this shouldn't end a 15 year friendship and hopefully she sees that sooner rather than later.

    • Reply
  • Michaela
    Super May 2020
    Michaela ·
    • Flag

    I'm so sorry for the both of you.. I like the idea of calling her wedding day in the morning her time, but only if she thinks she has time. Otherwise check in with her a few days after the wedding. There's nothing either of you can do about a travel ban. Hopefully you can go and visit her after all this sickness goes away!!

    • Reply
  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
    • Flag

    I would give her some space. I'm sure she is very sad and doesn't know how to deal with all this. I'd text her the day before or day of the wedding (or call her) wishing her luck and saying you wish you could've been there. Maybe send her a gift or bottle of champagne or something? But other than that, I wouldn't reach out. You can't change a federally mandated travel ban.

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