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Beginner October 2019

Can’t afford wedding

1234, on January 30, 2018 at 8:29 PM Posted in Planning 0 23
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Hello everyone!

FH and I have been engaged for 2 months and have been trying to discuss when and where to get married, etc. We sort of agreed of February 2019 and so that’s the date I have been telling everyone. I have a terrible relationship with my family and so they can’t help financially and I won’t ask them. FHs family wanted to help and wrote him a check for our venue. Also I went dress shopping early and surprisingly found my dress and FMIL paid for it for me as a gift. She is like my own mother and it was very sweet of her.

However, we have no other money. We calculated needing another $4-5k for catering, flowers, photography, etc at the minimum and we just don’t have that money. I really don’t want to take out a loan as both of us already have car, rent, and school to pay for as is.

So my dilemma is that I have an expensive dress and no wedding! The options I have thought of is just prolonging the wedding for years (3-4 years maybe, I have no idea) or wearing the dress to a courthouse wedding and skip spending the money. Does anyone have any ideas? I wanted to hear others opinions because I feel like I may be being dramatic. It’s just upsetting that I had a date in mind and have already contacted vendors using that date. I would have to cancel my upcoming tours and consults.

23 Comments

Latest activity by Magaly, on December 21, 2019 at 7:05 AM
  • 1
    Beginner October 2019
    1234 ·
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    Also! I forgot to mention that I already asked my bridesmaids to be my bridesmaids! I feel like an idiot, I don’t want to hurt their feelings.
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  • Forestwed
    Master May 2018
    Forestwed ·
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    I hope you didn’t book your venue. If you haven’t, cut your guest list and find somewhere you can afford to host the wedding and pay for the other expenses.
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  • Alforev
    VIP August 2018
    Alforev ·
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    Have you two figured out how much you can put toward the wedding each month? You don’t have to pay for those services up front... there is usually some sort of payment plan that is followed. For example, our photographer is $2000 but we only paid $500 so far... our DJ is $1295 but we only paid $400... we are making two-three more payments for each prior to the wedding.
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  • Chantelle
    Devoted September 2018
    Chantelle ·
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    Can you have a small, intimate ceremony somewhere? Like an above post said, you don't have to pay it all up front. I paid deposits ranging from $500 for our venue and coordinator to 50 percent ($1300) for the photographer and the remaining balances aren't due until a week or two before the wedding!
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  • AQuixoticBride
    VIP July 2018
    AQuixoticBride ·
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    You need a savings plan, that's all. Go over your finances and see how much you two can put aside each month and what you can cut. You can also have a small wedding to keep costs under control and there are many ways to save money, especially, if you are able to move past what you think a wedding is supposed to look like. Did you already book the venue?
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  • JustKidding
    VIP April 2018
    JustKidding ·
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    Not trying to sound like a jerk, but did you not budget before you started spending and making plans? That's the first thing you have to do.
    Honestly, just have a courthouse wedsing with your close friends and family and take them to dinner after.

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  • fallinthegarden
    Master October 2017
    fallinthegarden ·
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    That's what I would do.

    If your finances are so tight that it would take 3 or 4 years to come up with $4k for the wedding, that money is probably better spent on something else.

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  • AbeFroman
    Devoted October 2018
    AbeFroman ·
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    Why don't you cut your guest list to immediate family and have a courthouse ceremony and take them all out to a restaurant after? There's no reason you can't wear your dress to that.

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  • Going to the chapel
    Master July 2017
    Going to the chapel ·
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    Or, find a restaurant with a lovely patio and have the ceremony on the patio and the dinner indoors?

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  • Nikki
    Super May 2018
    Nikki ·
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    Depending on how much your FMIL gave you for the venue- I agree with the restaurant option. They won’t charge a venue fee as long as you hit your minimum for food & beverage. Honestly though, I don’t know why you would start telling people a specific date or look at dresses or venues before you had a budget in mind. The first thing you should have done was sat down with FH & figured out how much you can put aside in the next couple months for deposits & how much you can afford to spend in a year when final balances are due. If all you have is FMILs money & there’s no way you can find another $5k in the next year then you need to either go to the courthouse and then take like 10 people out to dinner or postpone another year or two. I don’t know if you’re in a position where you have $500/mo to put aside this next year. If you wait until Feb of 2020 you can put aside $250/month between now and then and pay for the wedding. A lot of us have had to do that because we’re paying for our own weddings. You can also look into a weekend job like Uber to help put some money aside.
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  • C
    Beginner April 2018
    Claire ·
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    There’s a book and website called “A Practical Wedding,” and the general idea is that what matters is getting married with the people that you love there. If that means a wedding with cake and punch afterward, so be it. It can be easy to be caught up in the materialism of weddings, but people who know you will understand and care. Serve hotdogs and hire a college student to take pictures. Buy a bouquet at the grocery store. Write each other love letters as your gift. Focus on the face that you found your person, and you don’t need money to celebrate that. Smiley smile
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  • 1
    Beginner October 2019
    1234 ·
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    This was helpful. Thank you
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  • C
    Master July 2018
    Cuoghi ·
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    Do NOT go into debt for your wedding. Not worth it!! You can either postpone and save or Just have a small ceremony and a small reception within your means. Lots of things of weddings are unnecessary. You can serve people punch and cookies if you want!
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  • Vanessasaurus
    VIP June 2019
    Vanessasaurus ·
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    Is there any way to plan something small for say 20-30 close friends/family, so you don't feel like you're missing out on celebrating your marriage, but also won't spend a small fortune? Italian and bbq catering is the cheapest option as far as food, and maybe research experienced, young photographers in your area that are just getting established? Also a lot of people on here have used sam's clubs flowers and rave about how nice they look. You could have a beautiful, small wedding without going overboard. Is your venue already booked?
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  • Brittany
    Devoted October 2018
    Brittany ·
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    If you can postpone it to save up for the wedding you want then why not do that? People will be understanding of your situation if you're honest about it.
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  • O
    Master October 2017
    O ·
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    If finances are tight a courthouse wedding, with dinner at a restaurant would be best. Is there a way you each could save as little as $52 a week for a year to have $5000? Are there any expenses that can be cut such as cheaper phone plan, cut cable, lower grocery bills, no eating out, etc? If this isn't feasible, having an emergency savings is more important than a wedding. Savings first, then wedding?
    • Reply
  • Carolyn
    Just Said Yes August 2018
    Carolyn ·
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    Depends on your area but Airbnb homes sometimes have big enough space in the back to host a venue. Maybe make it a potluck type?
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  • jnsangel4life
    Dedicated May 2018
    jnsangel4life ·
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    That's awesome! We are also doing the rustic theme. My husband got large wood rounds that will be the bases for our centerpieces. Free. Found a lady in our area online selling her little lanterns $25 for the whole box/case of them. She also threw in a bunch of those battery operated tea light candles and votive holders. I'm making the guestbook myself. Of course the all inclusive venue/reception (including photographer), guys are wearing their wranglers with a vest and dress shirt, bought my dress 13 years ago and costing me under $100 for alterations and custom made dress for my 11 year old daughter, wine and champagne glasses were custom made for us and the girls, done as a gift to me ... Free. One of my bridesmaids aunt's is making us special cookies that match or theme and our little log shaped ring holder, got killer deals on my and my 11 year old cowboy boots at a composer closeout sale. It's going to be the alcohol that gets us. Lol. You can talk to City officials and ask about local park rentals. I hear cheap to free and you can do and there. Or maybe, perhaps, a banquet hall, use you phone for music (create several playlist) and being some speakers that will accommodate your phones adapter needs. Hey creative and start looking. You'll get frustrated, but keep it up!! Your place is it there!!
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  • An
    Super September 2019
    An ·
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    Did you already put the deposit down on the venue? I would agree with PPs that if you haven't, to just use that money to host your nearest and dearest at a nice restaurant. That takes care of venue, alcohol, food, decor, and you probably wouldn't need music because it will feel more like a dinner party. Do you have enough saved or could you save enough for this by next year? How much are you able to put away each month? Where are you located?

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  • joey
    Expert October 2019
    joey ·
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    You might have to just go get married and then plan a vow renewal and reception at a later date when you can afford it, that way you are already married. Then you can relax and plan financially for the vow renewal and big reception 2 to 3 years out. You can put that fancy dress up and break it out in 24 to 36 months when you're had time to budget and pay for your wedding. Lots of couples do that if they find that things are financial tight and they wouldn't be able to pull off the wedding in a year or less.

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