Cancelled Wedding sadness

If it's insensitive to tell people they either need to do something to make a difference or stop crying about it then I'm the coldest bitch around.

Lord grant me the serenity to change the things I can, the peace to accept the things I cannot, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Seriously fed up with my generation, tbh.

@Katie, so my experience has been quite different. I have loved ones across the country who are legitimately fearful for their well-being. Some of whom have been verbally threatened by strangers who feel emboldened to express their hateful beliefs due to the election results.

I'm not saying there aren't people who are acting in a legitimate way. That's not what I'm saying at all.

ETA: I hope you realize that a Clinton victory would have left many people fearful for their lives as well. This election could not have gone well no matter what the result. As a Christian, I would have been terrified with Clinton as president as she made no secret of her intentions towards us. That's not to say I don't have empathy towards those who are afraid now. But keep in mind that people's hateful comments are not trumps fault. It's the people who say them who are at fault. Voting for trump did not make people racist, misogynistic bigots anymore than voting for Clinton made people corrupt, lying murderers or voting for Johnson made people not know where Aleppo is.

Thanks for the support, ladies, especially @Mrs.Sasswood! This community has been wonderful and I've enjoyed hearing about everyones plans! Thanks for making sure I wasn't giving up on the "dream" wedding @Katie B to S - Ive come to learn in the last 2 weeks that I already have "the dream" in my fiancé, so no matter how we get married, it'll still be us in the end- Im sure once the sadness of not having a big wedding passes, it'll all be good We are all our own individual little worlds with our own thoughts and passions, and we choose what works best for us in the end. Hoping the next few years brings you all happiness and the support you need, when you need it! Thanks for being my support now.

You didn't say she should do something, you said the person possibly changing their wedding date because of inauguration day is ridiculous. That's insensitive. Seriously fed up with my generation, smdh.

WWMP, I believe where I live in Chicago the bigger threat is the people here legally that keep shooting each other every day but what do I know? I'm just one of those crazy liberals!

Rebecca in all my white knighting I neglected to congratulate you. Whatever your reasons for changing how you're going about things, I hope you have a wonderful wedding day.

So if Clinton would have won, people would have started ripping off the cross around your neck just like people are now ripping of women's hijabs? Okay........ETA: Funny how you are claiming that others are over reacting to the election results, but legit think that Clinton would have taken away your right to practice Christianity.

Ooooo my god KatieB and S, that's quite far off of reality. I agree with OG Alecia. I'm sure your Christian religion would have been safe, no matter what. It's just that you don't get to make other people conform to your beliefs.

I didn't see WWMP's comment but I'm thoroughly confused as to how they're still allowed on this fucking forum when they go out of their way to be offensive...but others get 1 and 3 week bans for calling people trolls. Makes sense.

@OP congratulations and enjoy your intimate affair. I have no doubt that it will still be beautiful...even if it's not quite what you had in mind when you first started planning.

Sorry, OP. I forgot to say congrats and enjoy your event. It can still be really lovely. I understand your decision and think it's really sad that you're worried about your jobs.

I don't honestly think there is anything that's an over reaction to the incoming administration; so far, he is stuffing his cabinet with homophobic, racist, anti-woman's rights oriented assholes. Have you bothered to even look at the men (and yes, they're all men) he's proposing? They are horrifying.

Gay marriage could go back to states rights, these guys are ALL against PP; it's a real freaking mess.

And just because it doesn't directly impact you doesn't mean that it's a good direction for the country to be going.

I'm sure your small wedding will be just as beautiful. Wishing you nothing but the best with the wedding and your jobs in the future

Good for you. Impressed that you stuck to your views! Good luck and sounds like a lovely time regardless of the reason.

Rebecca, I realized that I did not offer any direct advice to you as the OP. But it sounds like you are making good decision for you as a couple. I know it can be disappointing as it was not what you originally planned, but smalls weddings are just as beautiful and special!

This is what stuck out to me, "Its been an emotional 2 weeks going back and forth with this, and I am sad I won't have the wedding everyone else is planning. It does suck."

I don't like the election results. Enough said. However, would I change my life for it? No...I will not give away my autonomy, my freedom, or my dreams because I'm afraid of what may happen in the future. I'm probably a lot older than you, and I remember the threats of "this" or "that". My worst fears did not come to fruition, and I've been voting since 1980.

I have no interest in debating politics, but I will say this -- according to your own post, OP, you are thinking emotionally. I understand the overwhelming distress you may feel, but I don't see the point in handing over your right to have a life event the way you envisioned it back in September or October. Emotional thinking is rarely a good jumping off point, regardless of what the issue is.

I hate the fact that you had a vision, and a President-elect, by virtue of the electoral college, came in and slaughtered that vision in a few hours. It left you feeling "sad". I hate the fact that sadness gave way to envying the fact that everyone else is planning their weddings -- and you wish you could continue to plan your wedding, but feel you can't. Then, you get to the basement of all emotions, the "it does suck" announcement.

I urge you to rethink this. You worked, planned, and put a lot of money towards a wedding you wanted, and dammit, as an American, tax-paying citizen, you do NOT have to sacrifice that dream. Your wedding was supposed to happen in about ten months, and it was supposed to happen with a certain dress, a certain guest list, specific music, particular flowers, unique vows, and a party to celebrate this milestone event that would have gotten everyone on their feet on the dance floor -- as you properly hosted your nearest and dearest with great cocktails, great apps, and great food. Who the hell should embrace the type of power that allows them to rip your wedding from you? Nobody. Exactly nobody.

You do what you can -- via volunteering and political activism, but you don't give away something so special and so unique unless you can say, with all honesty: "This is who we are! We will gladly hand over our wedding funds to political groups who can help to turn the tide. We have no sadness, no disappointment, and we've made this decision while thinking logically, in the cold, clear light of day." I'm not hearing that from you.

If you want to elope -- and it sounds like a consolation prize when I look at the way your phrased it -- then I hope it's wonderful. My only concern, for every bride in this community, is that their wedding day overwhelmed them with happiness and joy. Scrapping everything, for political reasons, and choosing to elope, just doesn't compute. The big party several months afterwards? Yeah, that happens -- but why? I'll be honest and tell you that I don't understand weddings that take months to start and finish -- I'd much rather have my wedding day and move on to what comes after.

If there is one thing I can say with total assurance, it's this: no daughter, no sister, no niece, or any woman who embraces your political leanings, but still enjoys the perks of being a celebrity via their connection to the losing candidate, is planning on canceling her wedding because of what happened on November 8, 2016. I guarantee that not one of them will protest a fait accompli by canceling their wedding and eloping (and then, and this doesn't even make sense to me, having a big reception months later). Mrs. Clinton, who has always impressed me as a woman who adores her daughter, would probably take your face in her hands and say, "Don't do this. You can do many things that will make a difference, but canceling your wedding? Please, don't."

In any event, I don't live inside your head. If you hadn't expressed such disappointment at the change in plans, I probably wouldn't have addressed this thread. Do you believe that's there's even a chance, if, given time, you might see things differently? If so, put the brakes on everything and think about what you really want. I'd hate to read a post, authored by you, ten years from now, that was entitled, "Changed our wedding plans after the 2016 election. Now, we want to have the full wedding experience on our tenth anniversary." Why? Because as lovely as a vow renewal might be, it's not a wedding, and the old adage is true, you can't turn back the hands of time. Not really.

ETA: typos and a few extra thoughts...

I'm on team small wedding; go peruse Jo's BAM and what she wrote about her day. It was lovely and special and stylish.

I have been answering the phone from plenty of SS couples who are freaked out and moving their dates up. Do I think that gay weddings, on a national level, will go away? Not really, but part of the point is your own anxiety level about your future and whatever you can do to alleviate that is really your choice.

@Mrs. Sasswood thank you for standing up for what is right. Some people on here are team too much. @Rebecca, I'm sorry that you are dealing with whatever you dealing with that is causing you to elope, but at the end of the day, you and FH will be married, which is what really matters.

Actually, if your willing to spend the rest of the cost of the original wedding leisurely and donating it, then why not follow through with the dream wedding? If we thought We had to cancel our wedding plans (which we are actually considering) we would be able to comfortably pay our bills, but groceries, and purchase my $9k prescription, which I should have received months ago. If you were really worried about the administration, you'd be more worried about how you are going to survive rather than traveling and donating to charities.

OP, I wish the best to you and your FH. Whatever you choose, may your love shine through.

I hope your wedding day is still lovely and wonderful and with the people that matter the most to you. My FH works in education as well and his university has a good deal of migrant students who cross the border everyday for college and his department is being flooded with phone calls and stop-ins of concerned students. We altered our wedding plans slightly due to the election. We decided to forgo favors and cut back on centerpieces and instead make a donation to a charity with that allotted part of our budget. We are also working with our officiant to add in some quotes on love and relationships by HRC and Michelle Obama into the ceremony.