Calling off the wedding...

I hate to sound like everyone else, but I am so sorry that you are going through this!! I think my biggest problem with people - especially WOMEN is that they do NOT FOLLOW THEIR INSTINCTS! I commend you on probably making the hardest decision of your life!!! If you KNOW in your heart this isn't right, walk away. Anyone that can not understand that, then AWW WELL! I agree with the pp - have your bridesmaids, mom, or whoever call and let your guests know. I HIGHLY doubt anyone would be so rude and ask for your gifts back. It sounds like he has a problem deeper than you. Alcohol addiction is no joke. I grew up around it. Not sure how religious you are, but keep God close - pray on this and give it to Him. He will see you through this. KNOW that it's not about finding the right partner it's about BEING the right partner and if your mate has shown you he isn't trying to be the RIGHT partner for you, then keep it moving and don't look back!!

Any deposits that have been lost, consider them the cost associated with a life lesson! I had a short lived marriage with a verbally abusive guy when I was far too young to know my own worth-- I got out of it, but it took a lot out of me...

Cancel the wedding--there is NO SHAME in not marrying Mr. Wrong!

Oh, I'm so sorry, but it sounds like you're making the right decision. No one deserves a drunk billigerent spouse, and change is highly unlikely.

I've had a client who cancelled 1 week out, so I've been down this road...

Please have your planner or designated go-to person (mom/moh) inform your vendors in writing that the wedding is off. You will need to send out a note like this:

"Mr. and Mrs. Nybride

announce that the marriage of their daughter

nybride

to mr. perfectly awful

will not take place."

(Obviously, use your real names)

You may have trouble with deposits, so check your cancellation policies in your contact. It is very likely that you will lose the deposits (make him pay half if possible)

Alternatively, you can have an "I Will Survive" party if you're liable for the whole amount, you may as well enjoy the food and the music and the company of those guests who have already paid for their flights or are local.

Good luck and stay strong!

I understand this has got to be an extremely overwhelming situation right now...and it sucks you have to go through it. Remember, lean on your family and friends. If they hate him so much, then they will have no problem helping you spread the word and return gifts. Etiquette wise, yes, gifts need to be returned. Emotional wise, it's best to follow your heart. My brother called off his wedding 6 months ahead of time (after a year and half of planning)...it ended up being the best decision for them both. In the end you'll be stronger and wiser and find what you truly want and deserve in life! Best of luck on this new chapter! Don't look at it with dread, look at it as just another chapter.

Better Late than Never! Call it off!

Losing a few thousand dollars.... SO WHAT!

Having a peaceful life without a jerk.....PRICELESS!

I will have to pay 90% of the estimated contract for this wedding for cancelling in less than 90 days. $17,000! That is a lot of money for not having a wedding. Could I be sued for this money. They already have 5k of my money... I think I am going to throw up!

That does suck, but again what is the price of your life and happiness? I'd pay more than that do be free of an unhappy marriage. Even if you are paying it off for years, consider it a payment towards your freedom and happiness. Call and talk with them, you never know what might happen. Don't waste anymore time if this is really what you want though. These things are very real concerns and I can imagine how hard they are, but they are not reasons to go through with a marriage that is wrong and possibly even damaging and abusive. We don't even know you and we are supportive of you, imagine how supportive your loved ones will be! Hang in there. Pull it off fast like bandaid so you can get on with recovering. Start with the venue and vendors and then get your closest people on calling or emailing the guests. Good luck!

I am so sorrry for you. I spent 30 years of my life in a bad marriage before I had the courage to leave. Then I found the love of my life. I still get pangs of guilt for bailing out but it was the right thing to do and I should have done it long long ago. As for the wedding deposits, you could go ahead and have a "thank God I found out in time" party since it's going to cost you anyway. Some of the vendors may be willing to cut back if they haven't ordered the supplies yet, like the bouquets you won't be needing. Some photographers will let you trade off for family pictures. Make lemonade out of the lemon and keep the faith.

Im sorry you are going through all this right now, this close but at least you have realized just what kind of man he is now and getting out now instead of living with an horrible man. He does know that you are calling the wedding off and you dont want to be with him anymore, right? As for the money...money is money girl, i would say call the wedding off but keep the place and throw yourself a new beginning party. Get all your gf's together, your family (im sure they will be excited) and everyone close to you to celebrate this wonderful beginning. You are going to have to pay the money either way so you should throw yourself a party. I believe you are legally binded to pay the money, thats if you signed a contract with them. They can come after you. All the gifts you can give back. Some may even tell you to keep the gift, return it and buy what you would like. Good luck.