buyer's remorse?

You are marrying a very smart man. What all the planning and $$ boils down to is a 6 hour party.Over the years the wedding industry and tv (SYTTD, Platnium weddings, etc)have pushed that in order to have a successful marriage you need to plan this elaborate ceremony. It's like Valetines day. My husband surprises me through the year with flowers and thoughtful gifts but purposely gets me nothing on vday because he thinks it's a farce by industries to drum up biz and I agree. In the end it's all about the piece of paper.

Thanks--and to clarify, I'm not doubting the marriage in the slightest (and he isn't either). I'm just curious whether it should affect our interactions when discussing wedding crap. [and yes, Marcy, I definitely agree that these can go overboard!]

I am seriously considering whittling down the guest list to close friends and Family. Right now we are around 120 and I would be fine with 50-75...I think I'm going to look at doing that today.

My FH says the same thing, yet he then went ahead and booked musicians. Its hard because it is just one day out of many. I think you should do what makes you happy. You don't want to look back on the day and regret it not being everything you had hopped for.

My FH keeps saving let's elope now and not wait for next year. My previous two were the exact same way. Let's just get married. I did the courthouse the first time, the small, outdoor wedding with most of the traditional things for the second. I decided this time it will be our way. If I could afford it, I would have my wedding at the Trans-Allegheny Lunatic Asylum aka Weston State Hospital in Weston, WV. I was like if I am "crazy" enough to try a third time then this would be the perfect location. lol

http://www.trans-alleghenylunaticasylum.com/

It is impossible not to think about the money (because it is a whole lot). However, the experience I am sure will overcome anything.

We had a similar moment; at the time we were budgeting $16k for our wedding, and i realized that money like that could go in a savings account or help us upgrade the house we just bought together. after that realization, we planned on doing a simple, small afternoon wedding with lunch hosted at a restaurant afterwards.

i'm big on tradition though, so in the end i got a little worried that i would later regret not having the fun and festivities that make weddings so memorable. so we reevaluated our budget (it helped that i got a new job) and decided to do it "right" or not even bother- it makes me so happy that we're both on the same page. we both understand that the money we're spending is going to create a night that we're going to remember for the rest of our lives, and $4 or $5k in credit card debt isn't going to kill us.

our money situation is pretty comfortable, though. i could totally understand misgivings about the cost when you might not have as much expendable income

I think that when it all comes together and he sees everyone having a good time, and then looks at you and says you're the most beautiful woman in the world, he'll realize it was all worth it!!

My FH & I were having that same discussion not too long ago and he said the same thing. We haven't set a budget or anything yet, just looking, but I think he's just nervous. Guys get that way. He said lets do the courthouse thing then do a ceremony a cpl yrs later. When he saw my face he knew that wasn't gonna happen.

I Do realized that the whole thing is about the marriage not the wedding day but I would like ours to be a beautiful memory just like you do I'm sure. He'll realize it soon enough. Good Luck!

LOL! My fiance and I were just talking about the same thing. We're getting married in Oct 2011 and are early enough in the booking process where we wouldn't lose much if we cancel.

We've talked about inviting 20 or so of the closest family and friends, not having a wedding party, and just paying for everyone to go out to a nice dinner. It's so hard to figure out if and how much we'd regret it. It's a hard decision.

I think we all have the same feelings...IMO unless you have the big $ to spend, keep it simple...

Wow, is there something in the air?? Fh has made it VERY clear he is not trying to back out of the wedding, but it is making him very nervous. We have A LOT of time left, so I'm just give him a little more time to adjust and feel better financially.

"Wow, is there something in the air??"

I think the present state of the economy has a lot to do with it. How can you justify spending upwards of 20k on a 1 day party when the job market is so shaky? We spent 25k on ours and I tell you it was an awesome day no doubt but if I had to do it over I would have invited 50 of my closest friends and family and did courthouse ceremony then a backyard party with lobsters, filet mingon and plenty of booze and some music. Probably would have run 1/5th the cost without al the planning and added expense that goes into the formal wedding.

We were married (well, technically a "vow renewal" in Punta Cana a few weeks ago). They didn't have ajudge available for our date, so we did a ceremony in May with just our very close family and friends. And to be honest, I would have been okay with just that. We're doing a reception in September with 100 people, and it's really just a party to celebrate our marriage. I really don't even want to do that at this point, but I already sent out STDs, so it's too late. LOL. At this point, I don't really know what changes you can make, though.

I don't discuss details with FS unless it involved a larger amount of money. Techinically, I started working to Finance the wedding. (He is working to keep a car and a roof over our heads.) Our budget for the wedding was $2,000. We are only spending $1,810. My parents are spending $450 (and if I have the money available the week of, I will be helping them out.) But these are the final expenses, nothing more. We aren't going overboard with decorations. (I had wanted to do a Tulle Ceiling decoration, but after learning it will take about $150 & lots of patience to put it up & take it down, I am opting not to have it.) FS doesn't mind what the wedding looks like, he just wants me & him there with rings & a JP. I've asked his opinion on songs that I'll walk down the Aisle to and he says, "I probably won't even hear the music the minute I set eyes on you." So, at least he is honest It's good when FS's can tell you how they feel about these types of things.

Please let me state that I was never one who dreamed of a wedding. I never thought I'd get married. All this wedding stuff was really for our families, becasue we both could have cared less. Just explain to your guy that you really value his opinion. But also stress how important it is to you. But like Kali said, it's great when he can tell you how he feels

Ok ladies, here goes...as Courtney's mom I was married twice. The first time, you do all the things that are what your 'supposed' to do. Etiquette, parents requests, making everyone happy, accommodating as much as possible. Second time, did what mattered most to us. Invited only those that meant something to us, had my son and father walk me down the isle, my children were are BP, had it in my sisters beautiful backyard (where half the people ended up barefoot cuz the grass was so nice)spent $ on the things that were important (caterer...didnt want me/family to work that hard) didn't spend on things that werent important (DJ...just used killer stereo system) and celebrated our marriage with the ones we love. IT WAS THE MOST WONDERFUL DAY! and was fun to plan! Do what is in your hearts and it will be perfect!

My husband said the same things. And sometimes i felt like you did cuz i'm not a big fan of all the rules and insane prices that go w/weddings.

After everything was said and done, my husband told me time and time again that he was very happy we did it and that i did a beautiful job putting it all together.

However, you can only enjoy it if you're one of those people that understands that things are going to go wrong and it's not going to be a perfect day the way you pictured it. But it's going to be perfect because you're getting married to someone you love in front of all your friends