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Savvy June 2019

Broken Engagement

on July 6, 2019 at 9:23 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 34
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LONG POST.. but completely lost and heartbroken. My partner and I have been together for over 3 years, engaged for 2. We never argued, always got along. We were seriously inseparable. I am in nursing school and graduate July 26 and he just graduated Law school and is studying for the bar exam which is very stressful. I have really bad anxiety and was super anxious about having a big wedding. My FH and I discussed it and BOTH agreed to postpone the wedding and either go to the courthouse or have a smaller ceremony. at first, his family was perfectly fine with it. A few days later, I noticed his cousin cropped me out of a picture from my bridal shower and put it as her Facebook profile picture. I mentioned this to my FH but he didn’t say much. Later that day, I was at clinicals and received a text from his family group text and his aunt sent a picture saying “I owe myself the biggest apology for putting up with what I didn’t deserve” I instantly was wondering what she was talking about but I didn’t ask my FH about it because I was going to wait until I got home. A few hours later, I stopped by my grandmothers on my way home and noticed that my FH grandmother deleted me from their family group text. I texted my FH about it because I had no idea anything was going on. His response: “It’s over Ali. You need to go get your stuff and go home” SO, long story short... his family feels if I truly loved him and wanted to marry him, we wouldn’t have postponed the wedding. They had no idea how bad my anxiety was and that we discussed having a smaller wedding. I’ve tried reaching out to his mother twice now and she will not talk to me. She told my FH she doesn’t not know what to say. His cousins and aunt have said such mean things about me that are not true. All over us making a decision together about our wedding which they were perfectly fine with at the beginning. Even though none of this is anyone’s relationship but mine and my FH. he broke up with me in a text. For about 2 weeks, we still texted occasionally and would see each other in the evenings sometimes. Everything was completely normal for us but it was like he had a block because of his family. Out of the blue, he called me and said things weren’t going to work out that he gave it 2 weeks and nothing changed. (I’m assuming his mother speaking to me) he said he has to focus on studying for the bar but he still goes fishing every evening or to his parents house. He said when we talk it only makes things worse because I cry the whole time. He hasn’t spoke to me in almost 3 days. He still shares his locations and he’s always fishing or at his parents so obviously he’s not studying. I told him if we don’t talk or see each other that we will drift apart and he would forget about me and never talk to me again. He told me he could never forget about me and that wasn’t going to happen that he cannot go forever without talking to me. He also told me he won’t be at my graduation because it’s 2 days before his test and he has to study. Yet he has time to go fish and hang out with his parents. I’m afraid he won’t even text me on my graduation day. Should I wish him good luck on his tests, tell him happy birthday? I’m so confused. I feel his family has ruined us but he’s still spending so much time with them. Almost like he doesn’t care and has chose them over me. Please help.

34 Comments

Latest activity by Diana, on July 10, 2019 at 2:34 PM
  • Savvy June 2019
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    I’m not 100% sure what he has told them but they feel that I don’t love or want to marry him because the wedding was “postponed.” And I’m afraid he believed them even though he understood and agreed. They said it was selfish of me to postpone the wedding but want to stay with him because they felt I was “leading” him on. This is all over me having super bad anxiety and wanting a smaller wedding.
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  • Kelsi
    Expert June 2020
    Kelsi ·
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    My heart just breaks for you reading this. I’m not sure if my advice is the best but I would focus on your upcoming graduation and give him the space he’s asking for. Right now it seems like he’s listening to his family more than you and you’ll never be able to be the bigger voice if that’s the case. If he’s listening to his family this much instead of following what you two had already agreed upon, it sets a standard for your future together anyway. Best of luck 💗
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  • Jessica
    VIP October 2019
    Jessica ·
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    I am so sorry to read all of this and my heart breaks for you. As someone who has struggled with anxiety for most of my life, I totally understand where you are coming from with wanting to limit your stress around the wedding and have something smaller. I wish we had done the same. I know it is easier said than done but try to focus on yourself right now. Eat healthy, exercise, practice self care. Focus on the last few weeks of nursing school and go to your graduation because you've worked your butt off for this. Maybe once he has taken his bar exam he will come around and want to talk to you. Would writing a letter to him help at all? Even if you don't send it.. But at least it could get all your thoughts to him and about the situation out on paper. I hope some of the other ladies have some advice for you too.. Again I'm sorry you're going through this and you will get through it.. Hang in there ♥️♥️
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  • Candice
    Devoted July 2020
    Candice ·
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    You're perception is that it was only about the wedding but I don't think even a super family connected person would break off a three year relationship over just that. It sounds to me that you might have been venting or relying on him and his family a lot when you are feeling anxious. That being said if he's not ready to help and support you when you are having anxiety then he is not ready to be your husband, If you feel like having a wedding is too much right now than you do need to focus on yourself for a little bit. Get through nursing school, work on some of your anxiety issues, see a counselor if you can. Don't let these emotions ruin what you've come so far to accomplish.

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  • Mandi
    Master October 2020
    Mandi ·
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    I think you need to focus on finishing nursing school and break off all contact from this fool. Clean break. Maybe he'll come to his senses, maybe he won't and you'll have dodged a bullet. But being there for him is a mistake. Make that idiot miss you.
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  • B
    Dedicated August 2019
    Blag ·
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    I’m so sorry. This is a really sad devastating story. There seems to be a lot of missing things and it’s really confusing. But to be honest. He doesn’t sound like a good man for you. Everything seems wrong with this and I would truly hope that you see that and just move on without him. The #1 thing is for the man to stand by you no matter what. He doesn’t do that and it all seems very shady to me. That’s not someone you want to be with in the long term especially since he doesn’t show that to you now.
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  • Btbride
    Super August 2019
    Btbride ·
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    Yes! This!!

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  • Margaret
    Dedicated June 2020
    Margaret ·
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    You don't owe this man or his family ANYTHING. no happy birthday, no good luck on test. Do not at the role when it isn't being reciprocated. I'm sure you feel like you're dying inside and that it will never get better, but it will. This is a poorly wrapped present and honestly, after the years you were together to get a text? That's beyond messed up. Focus on yourself and your value and NOT on what you can do for him or his family. Listen, if you stayed, this would've been an on going issue and I PROMISE you wouldn't have been happy. Block the family off social media, do not reach out. He wants to talk on his terms? Get the hell out of here. You got this girl, serious bullet dodged. You'll see it in the long run. Hugs
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  • Savvy June 2019
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    He would calm me down when I would feel anxious and it was only here recently with the wedding coming up and the end of school near. He has anxiety too but not to the point I was having it. His family had no idea I had anxiety. I’m not really sure what all happened. He is a big mamas boy and she is the first one that said something to him about me not loving or wanting to marry him since it was postponed. I’m not sure why his family decided to get in the middle of our relationship. I’m just confused.
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  • Savvy June 2019
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    I did block his entire family from social media but I also deleted all of social media too so I didn’t have anyone asking any questions. I just feel very betrayed and confused right now because we were so close and I was so close to his family. They never even tried to talk to me and when I reach out to them, I am ignored. I do feel like I am dodging a bullet but I feel if I would have never said anything about my anxiety with a big wedding and postponing it that none of this would’ve happened.
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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    This may sound harsh but if a few comments from him family members were enough to make him believe you didn’t love him and that your relationship was over, your relationship probably wasn’t going to survive anyway. What if you got a great job opportunity somewhere else and they told him that was a terrible idea? What if you had kids and they thought you were awful for your parenting decisions? This wedding postponement would be just the tip of the iceberg. I know it’s hard to see through it right now, but I think you’ll be better off moving forward in life without this relationship.
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  • Michelle
    VIP December 2019
    Michelle ·
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    I'm sorry that you're going through this, I know it must be a really difficult time for you. But I have to ask, was it really the BOTH of you that decided to postpone or was it his idea and he's making you think it was the both of you that decided. Someone had to start the conversation, so was it him? Also I see the wedding date is 2022 which is 3 years away. How far from that were you wanting to postpone? But then I see you already had a bridal shower, so I'm a little bit confused. Because if you had a bridal shower that means the wedding is soon and Just as a woman I don't think I would have had a shower knowing I wanted to postpone my wedding. So that's another flag that makes me think it's his idea. and any man that lets his family get into his head like that should not be the man for you. Sounds like they never wanted him to marry you anyway just based on what I read. He told you it's over get your stuff and go home and that's what you need to do. I know it's easier said than done. But you can show him better than you can tell him. Ignore him, don't wait around for him, don't send any text. Go live your best life. I wouldn't take him back if it we're me. But if you want to take him back you need to make him work, plead and beg for you. People only treat you the way you allow them too. Stand up for yourself and if you take him back he needs to be ready to stand up to his family


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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    My heart breaks for you too! Please cut off all communication with him. If he reaches out, ignore him. He’s the one who betrayed you. Because his family is reacting the way they are, he is the one who said very unkind things about you. It’s not normal for a family to completely shun an ex-fiancée, especially so quickly. And the fact that he 1) told his family first, 2) broke up with you by text, 3) heartlessly told you to move out, 4) and dropped you at the most stressful time of your life—before exams, is beyond despicable. He his immature slime.

    I know this hurts but please turn this despair into anger to get through your exams and then move on. I agree with others, you dodged a bullet. He does not deserve crying over. You deserve a healthy, loving, communicative partner!
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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    FYI, do not blame your anxiety. When I was in college, I stressed so much I nearly collapsed after every quarter. Sick often. My boyfriend at the time gave me grief because I wasn’t available for all his family’s events. His mother controlled him and rather than stick up for me, or come to my side, I was the bad guy for missing out on obligations he wasn’t man enough to say no to. Eventually we broke up. Thank God!
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  • Savvy June 2019
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    Oh no! Our wedding was scheduled for June 22, 2019. I changed the date on here because I didn’t want to be reminded every time I logged on because it tells you how long you’ve been married for. I brought the conversation up and he seen how anxious I really was and agreed we should do something smaller. His aunt told him if it was up to him that he would be married right now because he loves me. But i just can’t help it I wanted a smaller wedding instead of being around 180 people.
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  • Savvy June 2019
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    I feel like maybe his family was embarrassed to tell everyone the wedding was postponed so they started turning him against me and us being together so they could tell people he broke it off. I initiated the conversation and we both agreed. But now he wants nothing to do with me because of his family and we are grown adults.
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  • Jessica
    VIP October 2019
    Jessica ·
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    I know how hard this is, but men normally want you when they see you doing good. So I agree with Mandi. Even though i agree with several ither posters on here too. If hes choosing his family over you now, that kinda sets the tone for the future. But, if you want him to come around, Id kinda blow him off. Let him and family see you on FB doing fun stuff, exercise, think positive, etc.
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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    So much this.
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  • Stephanie
    Super June 2019
    Stephanie ·
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    I'm so sorry you are going through this! My heart sank reading your situation and it's so unfair. But don't put yourself through this agony with the amount of stress you have with school. It's easier said than done and this can easily break someone down to the core. However your fiance has to know more than what is going on for him to mutually accept to postpone the wedding but also "mutually" agree with what his family is saying to put you out and not try to work this out? Something isn't right and maybe he took this as a way to cope with cold feet and use it as a crutch? Not saying he doesn't love you at all but why go through everything to just leave you high and dry?

    He wants space? Ok, give him his space. His family wants to spread lies? Let them talk. Because at the end of the day you guys know what the agreement was and its very cowardly of him to even let it go this far.

    We as women are very emotional and invested, I know I am. You deserve to be happy and be at peace. Give yourself space and time to regroup and find a way to move on or work this out if it's mutual.

    I wish you all of the best!!!
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  • Savvy June 2019
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    He just kept saying he didn’t want to disappoint his mom. He said if his mom disapproves then so does he. I feel like he feels like he owes them his life because they paid his way through college and law school. He even made the comment that his family has done so much for him but he wants us to be a big happy family but we can’t because of the way his family is being. He said he doesn’t know if it can be fixed right now. I feel like his family is very evil, it’s almost like a cult. They are extremely close and get together every Sunday. What one says, they all agree.
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