Bridesmaids?

I wouldn’t ask them to step down unless you’re prepared for the friendship to end. Hair and makeup should be optional if you aren’t paying for it. And for the friend that is pregnant it should be up to her if it’s too much, but she shouldn’t have to do more than buy a dress and come to the wedding.

If you ask them to not be in the wedding anymore, are you prepared to be done with the friendships? If you are requiring hair and makeup, you need to pay for it. If you aren’t requiring it, let them know they’re free to do their own/go somewhere else for it. As for your friend who just moved- she literally just moved a few weeks ago and you’re already ready to toss her to the side because you think a few weeks of no communication= no friendship. That’s a bit ridiculous IMO. It’s been a couple weeks. My best friend and I are both moms and sometimes go months without talking. That doesn’t make her less than my best friend.

No, it's absolutely not right to "dismiss" your closest friends from your bridal party. If the pregnant bridesmaid finds that she can't physically (what?!?!) or financially handle being a bridesmaid in your wedding, she can make that decision. Neither her physical health or finances are any of your business. And the other one just moved a couple of weeks ago. I go weeks without speaking to some of my friends on a normal basis. It's called being an adult. We don't need to keep in contact constantly. Plus I'm sure she has a ton going on with the move. I think you need to reevaluate your expectations of your friends and your bridesmaids. Also, if you're requiring your bridal party to have their hair and makeup professionally done, you are responsible for the cost. If you do choose to "dismiss" them, I would be prepared to lose these friendships permanently.

View Quoted Comment Well put. OP, listen to this and think about it long and hard.

You probably haven't heard from them because they're trying to think of a polite way to tell you that there's no way they're going to pay $200 for hair/makeup. I'd be a bit upset paying that much for a dress, much less hair and makeup.

If you're not willing to cover the cost for them, let them take care of it themselves.

If you require professional hair and makeup, you pay for it. Otherwise it's optional.
I also don't see why you think the pregnancy would be an issue if she is due "way before" the wedding. Whether it's too much for her is totally for her to decide.
Others have already given solid advice about your newly moved friend so I won't say much else on that. I will echo that is you "dismiss" them, you will likely end the friendship.

Ok I feel like I need to chime in since all the comments are pretty much bashing on me to “dismiss” my bridesmaids. Maybe dismiss isn’t the correct term, but me asking if being in the bridal party is too much is not a criminal offense (relax) and to some might be a relief. My friends are not the type to be offended or drop a friendship over this.

Yes, I agree, in any friendship you loose touch and pickup where you left off as if no time has passed. BUT in my specific case, we just aren’t that close anymore. We were at the time I asked, but as months go on, I feel like we’re just not as close as we used to be (regardless the distance).

Also, let’s all be honest, being a bridesmaid is not cheap! Regardless the situation, it’s a lot to ask for of friends. IMO $200 is not a lot for MUAH but I also can’t afford to pay it for everyone hence why I was asking if it was too much so that I can either look at alternate options or go without. For my friend who is a soon to be a mama, I think it is fair for me to say that shelling out for a dress, hair/makeup (if she chooses to) and any other wedding related expenses is a lot. While also having to care for her baby. If I was a new mom, I would not be thrilled.

You were all so quick to bash but neither of you asked any questions on the situation. Thank you for your super opinionated responses.

You're looking to dump your bridesmaids (for a wedding that's a year out!) because they're living their lives? Do them a favor and do it.

View Quoted Comment You asked for advice and you got it. Sorry it isn't what you wanted (which was obviously to be validated and told you were right) but that isn't always how these things go. If you thought we needed more information you should've provided it.
Also, you yourself said in the original post you wanted to dismiss them and only have the other 2 but didn't know if it was okay, now you're saying you just want to check in and ask them if it's too much. Tbh it sounds like backpedaling to me.

Being a bridesmaid does not have to be expensive, they are required to get a dress and show up. Their budget should ALWAYS be inquired before choosing a dress to ensure it isn't too much for them.
$200 is a lot for someone ELSE'S wedding on top of their dress. You asking if it's too much is already poor etiquette and improper. Instead, you should've let them know the prices of the artist you chose and let them know "the price of my HMAU hair is X and makeup is X if you would like to use their services. You're free to do your own or go to someone else but if you would like to use mine, please let me know by X date."

Again, that is up to the new mom to decide and not for you to decide for her.

You already asked them, and it would be beyond rude to "dismiss" them and just have your sister and cousin. Maybe the wedding will be too much for your BM with her young baby. She will let you know after the baby is born. Some babies, there are no unexpected bills, health problems, and they are very easy-going. No worries, low demand for mom. Others, expensive, unexpected issues, or simply very demanding. You already started by asking your BM way too soon. The reason the usual recommendation ( except from other overexcited barely engaged brides) is for asking them less than 9 months before the wedding. Because women get pregnant, move, get engaged, and some friendships run their course . . . But you did it, and now need to keep your word. Not dismiss people. Your friend who barely just moved, is likely overloaded with moving work, meeting new people, maybe new job, and likely the financial burden means a couple of months of little time or money extra now. But don't write off her friendship over a few months of being less close. That would make you not much of a friend. Hair and makeup does not need to be decided this early. For all anyone knows, between now and the wedding they will have chopped off all but 2 inches. Then tell you they cannot believe you reserved the HMU way too early, because they no longer need it. This goes for sis and cousin too . Rezerve your own if you want, but do not put money down for anyone else. . . .BM gowns should not be bought until about 4 months before the wedding, sometimes a little less. Depending on maker, they come in 2 weeks to 10 weeks after ordering. The closer to the wedding they are measured for the right size, the less likely people are to change sizes and need $180-$250 alterations on a dress that only cost under $200. . . Wait and see what happens. Next March, at gown decision making time, both women will be there know their finances. Both will k ow what time they have. And you may be closer, or have drifted further apart from the one who moved. Nothing needs to be done till then, that matters. They are still friends, unless you dismiss them as you suggest, to have just your family. If you do, now, such rudeness might end your friendships. If they withdraw, they will still be friends, likely come to your shower, and your wedding. Dismiss/ fire them, do not expect that. Don't hurry to fix problems that would not have happened, if you had not committed to your bridal party too soon. No, since nothing needs doing til 6 months away, do not commit to their HMU. They could always either do their own, it make arrangements to go to a hairdresser, last minute, much cheaper than someone coming to you as a group. Wait. Set everything for food, venue, flowers, get stationery, invitations, thank you cards, all the things you can do far in advance. Nothing for BM planning needs doing now.

I just had a baby 9 weeks ago and also have 3 year old twins so at least speaking for the pregnant bridesmaid - you can't decide what she will and will not be ready for after she has a baby. My friend had her baby a week before me and she was already out having lunch dates after less than a week at home. I had a c-section and could have stood up in a wedding probably 3 weeks after (everyone heals differently though!). I probably wouldn't have danced much but I would have been fine to stand as a bridesmaid. 3 months after having my twins I was a guest at a wedding and dancing all night. So all this to say - stop making assumptions on what she will or won't be able to do after she has her baby because you're causing yourself unnecessary stress. Being pregnant and having a baby is a big change but it doesn't stop a person from doing the things they were doing before they had a baby. Life just looks different. If she knows the costs ahead of time she can budget and make sure that she has the money ready - that's what I am doing for a wedding that I am in coming up. What you could consider is being flexible with the time frame in which she orders her dress, or choose bridesmaids dresses that won't take a long time to ship because her body will be different after she has the baby.

I agree with others that $200 is a lot for hair and make-up, so either find something less expensive or make it optional.

I just feel like you're taking these two relatively normal life changes for your BMs and extrapolating them into worst case scenarios based on a lot of assumptions. Your friend who moved is probably extremely busy and your pregnant friend could be living a life of vomiting and sleeping all day (source: both of my pregnancies) and answering a question about hair and make-up probably got lost in the other things going on in their lives right now - it's nothing to read into. Your wedding is a little less than a year away - there is nothing that your bridesmaids need to do for at least 6 more months so there is no reason to assume that your bridesmaids don't care or can't do it.

So basically my advice - relax and don't worry about these two situations. You still have a lot of time. And definitely don't remove them from your bridal party! Good luck.

View Quoted Comment

Okay. I'm going to give you another "super opinionated" response. You asked for feedback ("any advice is appreciated..."). So you're not being "bashed," people are giving you their feedback. At the same time, you seem to be contradicting yourself. Originally, you said you asked them to be in the wedding party because they are "friends." Then, in the next post, you said BOTH, "we aren't that close anymore" AND that "your friends aren't the type to be offended by this...." Which is it? Friends, not friends? Offended, not offended?

Honestly? If you aren't that close and don't care if you hurt their feelings, then I agree with others you're probably doing them a favor to "dismiss" them or whatever you want to call it. However, if you DO still consider them friends, I suggest you relax and realize that almost a year before your wedding their failure to answer a question about HMU isn't really a deal breaker. In my life, I have planned a wedding, had a baby, and moved (cross country, twice). In order of significance in terms of time, attention, and upheaval in our lives, I'd order them: 1) baby, 2) moves, 3) plan a wedding. Yes, right now, to YOU, the wedding is most important, but if these women are truly your friends, please recognize that they have really big things going on in their lives. Not answering your message about the cost of HMU, 11 months in advance, is not necessarily a sign that they aren't bridesmaid-worthy. Both having a baby and moving are EXPENSIVE and stressful. (We just helped daughter & SIL move 1500 miles, even doing a "self-move" with a U-haul, it was MANY thousands of dollars and really stressful as they started new jobs and tried to adjust to being away from family & friends. In addition, I work with a woman who has a baby due in January; she's been all over the place trying to figure out how long they can afford for her to be on leave, etc. A question about $200 HMU, 11 months from now, might be kind of "small potatoes" to them in the mix of things.) In your original post you said, "I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings." Depending on who your friends are and how thick their skin is, I think people are telling you there is potentially a big risk of hurting their feelings if you tell them you don't want them in your wedding. (There was just a post within the last few days from a woman who was "dismissed" from a wedding in which she was a BM or MOH, and she posted about "how hurt she was." Look for that one and read about how she felt when it happened to her.) Maybe there are "other factors" you haven't shared; if so, only you can decide if the circumstances warrant "dismissing" them. If that's the case, it doesn't really matter what any of us think. You do what you think is right. Good luck to you.

I would assume by them not responding, they don't want to pay $200 for HAMU. Which is fine, just let them do their own. I wouldn't worry, I'm sure they can still participate. I think asking them to step down would ruin the friendships forever.

Its possible that they haven't responded yet because your wedding is still basically a year away. They are going through pertinent things right now (a move/preparing for a newborn). Give them some time to respond. Also I would bring it up to them in a more open manner. "hey in regards to the wedding, i really don't want you to feel strapped financially, this is what I expect it will cost and if that's too stressful I won't have any hurt feelings if you back out"